How New Mom’s Can Recover From Depletion with Alena Turley

Dr. Brad Miller 0:00

Hello good people. Welcome to Beyond adversity with Dr. Brad Miller. We are always are interested in connecting up and talking to people who have had some unique story about how they have faced adversity or teach others how to deal with adversity in their life. And that's the case today with Alena Turley, who is our guest today. She is the soul mama has a soul mama hub, blog, and the inbox full podcast. It's all about soulful aspiration for mothers with big dreams. And she's a part of the mother love movement, the theme of motherhood here, and we're going to talk about it. But Alena, welcome to Beyond adversity.

Alena Turley 0:39

Thank you so much, Brad, nice to be here.

Dr. Brad Miller 0:41

It is an honor to have you with us today, we mentioned how everything you're about is related to motherhood, and about the dynamics of that. So there's a story there about how this was inspirational to you, especially in terms of investing the time and energy to put out so much content regarding this area, there had to be a motivation there. So tell us the story of what motivated you to create the blog and the podcast and to serve mothers so much.

Alena Turley 1:12

Sure. So I mean, I think at the at the root of any kind of service is your own experience, right? So I found myself with my first child, I was about 31. And I just found myself in a really less than ideal position in life, I was navigating, recovery from abuse and PTSD, and early life trauma and addiction, culminating and from all of that, and, and I found myself, you know, homeless with a two year old, a little bit distanced from the people around me that that loves me and supported me, I felt like I had burned those bridges and, and I realized my life couldn't go on as it was, you know, and because I had come from a position of privilege position, the good education and a loving family. It was very confusing. It was how did I get from there to here, you know, and, and the next five years after that moment, was really just about putting my life back together and understanding in a deeper way, how it had come to that and showing up as the best mom possible for my son, you know, I was a single mother for seven years. And during that time, I felt ultimately responsible for him and for our experience. And so I embarked on a bit of a mission and a bit of a quest to, I guess, become whole and start to put together some some big dreams that I've always had for my life, you know. And so that sort of transformation from the very rock bottom to a beautiful life that I now have having had another family and to my children and married I live in Sydney in a really beautiful place. And I got my black belt in hapkido and the Korean martial art. I'm an educator, you know, I've done a lot of things since then, that I really always dreamed I would be able to do so that to me is so valuable, and gives me such a great deep a deep compassion and empathy for anyone who is also emerging through their adversity and their trauma or even just simply motherhood can be really

Dr. Brad Miller 3:26

I'm sorry, though the pain of your judicial circumstances. Really? Birthday Bernie penetrated your very essence of who you are. So do you have a really a burning desire? It seems like to me to really serve people who had somewhat of similar circumstances to you. And you. You know, that's the situation a lot of people find themselves in Alena, because single moms, single dads, I was a single parent myself for a couple years. It's, that is a tough place to be in the best of circumstances. And you mentioned some other things abuse and other things, which are really just devastating. And you but you also mentioned, it took you a few years to kind of navigate that. So yeah, let's talk about that for a second. Alina, what were some of the things that you did? What were some of the actions that you took to survive that circumstance and to begin to, as you say, to kind of make yourself whole into into a better place? What are some of the things that you did then? And maybe you relate to what people can make can do in their own lives now?

Alena Turley 4:32

Absolutely. So I kind of boil it down to three words, these days, I've kind of managed to put it into into a three word understanding. And those three words are compassion, connection and calibration. And the reason I use those three words is that I do believe the very first thing that that needs to happen is a degree of self compassion. Easier said than done. Right? So for me that man letting people in, that could help me, and actually humbling myself and allowing myself the space and grace to accept help, which I think is a really big deal in our culture where we're in, you know, the cult of the independent, we're in the cult of the individual and, and in that sort of modern, I guess, concept of individuality, you're supposed to be strong enough to handle things on your own. You know, that's kind of a trope that we all relate to, I guess, in our modern world, I actually believe that that is incorrect. You know, we need to be strong enough to accept help, we need to be strong enough to allow our vulnerability to show that actually is the most courageous act is to say, I need help. So so that was the number one thing was to go, okay. It's undeniable. I need help, you know, and I was forced into that position with with a level of circumstance, homelessness, addiction, etc, right?

Dr. Brad Miller 5:58

Sure. A couple other ways that you actually sought out help, what were some things you did?

Alena Turley 6:02

Number one, I went to a 12 step program, I actually did that for five years, because I had an addiction that I needed to address. Number two, I started to read books, go to Courses, go to workshops, actually really explored, kind of relentlessly explored, what would work to heal me from my early life trauma. And there was a lot of different things. It wasn't just one thing, it was a combination of a lot of different things also changed the people I had around me. So I made some choices, some hard choices to not tolerate any longer having people in my life that didn't support me wholeheartedly. You know, that's a hard choice to make, when, especially, you know, I had to identify that I had been participating in abusive relationships by staying in the well, so.

Dr. Brad Miller 6:58

So you had to do some work about your present almost crisis circumstances, the 12 steps, then you had to do some work to process some stuff you used mentioned, you came from a bit of a privileged background. And yet, that doesn't preclude the fact that you had early life stuff to deal with, you know, you had to process that as well. So what were the actions that you took was not only present crisis thing, but why you know, how you got there, why you stayed in abusive relationships? Yes,

Alena Turley 7:27

that's right. So what are the root causes? And, and that was a multi prong thing, right? So I had to do some therapy. I did some Gestalt therapy Gestalt is based on the principle, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, looks at the whole situation. That was very powerful. I did some, you know, self development workshops with various if I saw healers, I sought out spiritual guidance in a lot of different ways. Sometimes it was with individual practitioners, sometimes it was in group work situations. It was such a variety of things. And to be honest, I had been pursuing that kind of soulful insight. From a very young age, I had been writing stories when I was very young, I had been, even in my late teens, I was traveling to various workshops, and I was endlessly curious about different ways to unlock that lack of confidence and lack of self worth, that I knew was in there, I could feel it from a very young age,

Dr. Brad Miller 8:35

but you have the hunger, a little hunger to learn, it sounds like and you've mentioned that you've mentioned that your teacher and I find teachers of which I'm one as well, often, you know, we're alert our learners first and foremost. And so two or three things I'm hearing here that you did you decide you are very intentional about processing your pain. Once you kind of came to realize that you had to do something about it, you did some early life stuff, you did some present crisis management, but you also were alerting you were going into courses and so on and you were seeking none of the practical but the spiritual and and applying that to your life. So I think the intentionality such is important. They're elated because so many people in my experience you what your experiences when bad things happen, they, you know, wall up or they get into a shell or they don't protect stays intact. they withdraw from others natural, right? Yeah, it's a protective. Yeah, it's a coping mechanism. I get it and you get it. But what I've heard you say is you got to still take action, you got to do something if you want to break out of that pattern. And a lot of people don't Yeah, so

Alena Turley 9:42

two words I use often to describe that is a decision, I made a decision. Decisions are very powerful. You know, you make a decision as powerful and makes a change, right. And I became willing, I became willing to do what whatever it took. And that was the relentless pursuit, you know, so the curiosity and the keeping on trying things until you find something that works. So I became willing to go through that process no matter what.

Dr. Brad Miller: 10:12

So what were some of the things that you learned by being a willing student? That may have been a part from your past experience? Or some things you learned?

Alena Turley: 10:22

Yeah, look, I learned that I really deeply believe that. And this moves on from the compassion, you know, what I talked about compassion, connection, calibration. So first of all, self compassion is the only way I believe that you can become decisive and willing, is you need to kind of forgive yourself for being where you're at. Right? You need to go, Okay, I'm going to stop beating myself up. Now, I'm going to give myself huge helpings of self compassion. And that's a practice, you know. And then I'd say the next bit is connection. So then you say, Okay, I'm willing to accept help. And that ability to connect through pain, through that resistance of I just want to hide and protect myself and defend and curl up in a little corner, you know, the takes that takes real Moxie, like it takes, it's hard

Dr. Brad Miller: 11:09

to make a connection, which takes us a risk, doesn't it, you got to put yourself out there. Yeah.

Alena Turley: 11:13

And you got to trust, you got to actually actively trust somebody so. So finding trusted allies is a big part of that, to finding where you feel safe, or who you feel safe with. And allowing those people to be your mentors and your guides, you know, accepting guidance. And understanding that I don't believe this stuff, is really, you know, it's very difficult to heal completely on your own in isolation, we heal in groups, we're hardwired to belong. So finding your people, you know, finding your community.

Dr. Brad Miller: 11:45

So tell us about some of the people that you people, our community that you connected up with, that sounds like you had some really rough experiences, you had some abuse, and some, you know, whatever the separation or whatever it is, from your family, holy, and you're the father of your child, your child, and so on whatever that was. It, I'm assuming it was pretty ugly, and really hard. But you had to connect with something that was somehow affirming. So describe situations that was a bit of affirming or, or built you up a little bit.

Alena Turley: 12:15

I think what was so beautiful is that these people can can come from unexpected places. You know, like the people that really saved me through that time. Some of them were therapists and practitioners that I've never seen since you know, one of them was a woman who was a caseworker and ran a group for people dealing with family violence. It was a women's group, and we talked about the cycle of abuse we learned, but in this trusted circle, they're not in my life now. But at that time, you know, she would come over and pack my house up, if I had to move like she was really involved in my life. People like that. They're just the unsung heroes, you know, the really quiet supporters who do their job in the most amazing and compassionate way. There was a lot of that there was a lot of people like that. And then there was people in my life, like my son had made friends with a little girl at preschool and her parents became my closest friends. And they were just beautiful. They would have my son over for dinner, they would have me over for dinner, you know, they just kind of took us in. The principal of my son's school was in endlessly understanding of my situation. There was just people like that. Just really, I guess, when you when you ask, Why are you so driven to serve? Well, it's because those people literally saved my life. And when you see how big an impact those actions, have you, you want to do that too. You want to pay it forward, you know, you want to pay it back.

Dr. Brad Miller: 13:46

Isn't it cool? When some people come into your life for a season, or even a moment? You know, some Sunday know that. One quick example is, you know, I had with my, over the weekend, we had to call some paramedics to help serve my mother in law who was having a crisis, they serve for an hour or so then they're gone. But they were so important in the moment. And what I'm hearing you say is that people served you in the moment and some even in a season and yet there's other people who serve us for you know, a lifetime you know, we your your own children are with you for your your lifetime. Family. Yeah, and family are there so that's awesome. So that's the that's the community piece. First.

Alena Turley: 14:32

That's the connection peace

Dr. Brad Miller: 14:34

Connection.

Alena Turley: 14:35

Yeah, absolutely.

Dr. Brad Miller: 14:37

Then there's collaborate, then there's

Alena Turley: 14:39

Calibration

Dr. Brad Miller: 14:41

Calibration. So let's go there. What's that about? What do you mean by that is that but you tell me what you've got my

Alena Turley: 14:49

I do believe that, you know, we talk about falling apart, you know, when our life falls apart or when we fall apart? So I really do believe a little bit like that special Japanese form of Pottery where it gets smashed and then glued together. Yeah, you know, there's that really special process that sometimes we actually get to put ourselves back together. Even better 2.0 than we were before you know about that, that's awesome. I feel like that was the opportunity I had to and so and for a lot of people motherhood and Metro essence, which is the process you go through in becoming a mother like adolescence. So Metro sense for me, you know, physiological, spiritual, mental, emotional, physical change everything, every level changes when you become a mother. And so that is an opportunity to put yourself back together differently and have a new identity. So calibration is that point where you go, Okay, I've changed. Now how do I calibrate my life and my daily choices, and my friends and my habits, with this version of myself that has these big dreams that understands that there is limitless potential, if you are deciding and willing and connected, you know, so now that you know that process, you can calibrate to that every day.

Dr. Brad Miller: 16:09

That's awesome. And yet, we also want to get that is the, the emergency of all that many people go through when they become a mother. You know, there's so I think there's reasons why God made us is such that you, you don't, you know, have a child 30 days after you become pregnant, it's you take that nine months is to you know, you gotta need that time in order to get your head around that both moms and dads and so on. And yet, that is a traumatic, dramatic time, that alone, and then let alone raising a child and so on. That's all dramatic and traumatic parenting is a whole different a whole nother part of the process here. But that everybody handles well, Lina, you know, that deals with it very well, there are people who just it's terrorizes them or causes them to behave in unhealthy ways. So let's, let's, let's talk for a minute about how we can help moms and moms to be or those who support them parents or grandparents, to be helped to navigate that process a little bit, and it helps wavelength.

Alena Turley: 17:16

And it is a love that you mentioned that, that it's a community issue. This is not an issue that belongs with mothers only. This is an issue that affects everybody. And I talk a lot about intergenerational change, you know, I was put into care, like family daycare when I was four weeks old, you know, I was separated from my mom more hours of the day than I was with her. And, and that's really traumatic. And that creates and sets up an issue of separation, you know, in our society at a very deep level. And it's my understanding in America is a very, very limited time for maternity leave. And you know, women often have to go back to work and what that does

Dr. Brad Miller: 17:56

In general terms, it's about six weeks.

Alena Turley: 18:00

Right, six weeks. That's, you know, honestly, not long enough for a woman to be able to bond with her baby to adjust her identity to do all these things we're talking about. So what happens often is it sets up a bit of an issue in both mother and baby, the way that can play out and in their, by extension their communities, right. So at its, there's a term that I talk about quite a lot called postnatal depletion. That's a term that was coined by a man who is a doctor what you would call an MD, in the Northern Rivers region, so north of Sydney, and the north coast of Australia in a place called Byron Bay, very beautiful place. Little bit like California, you know, a little bit like your special place where there's lots of well being focused stuff going on. And he and his wife, he noticed in his wife, this, this issue, this concern, that her identity shifted through Metro essence, and that she became very depleted through pregnancy and early motherhood, so he studied it. And he then put an article in an American publication called goop, and it was their most read article that year. So he went on to write a book about it. And it's called the postnatal depletion cure. And it's a fantastic book, and it talks very much from a holistic health perspective. What can you do because your body is depleted, your spirit is depleted, your identity is changing, you're often not receiving the support you need because we don't have rituals of support for mothers in our culture really anymore. A common

Dr. Brad Miller: 19:36

term I hear for a lot of moms, my own daughter who's got two little kids is exhausted, exhausted. Yeah, I'm so tired all the time. Is that part of what I'm talking about here? Absolutely.

Alena Turley: 19:49

It's one of the biggest symptoms that deep fatigue it's the burnout, or stressed out the desperately need a moment to myself. I'm not relaxed. I'm not enjoying these people. Just moments with my baby. And this pressure to conform to some bizarre idea of you know, the perfect mom, which, of course is ridiculous.

Dr. Brad Miller: 20:11

It's out there for sure. Especially if people compare themselves to other people, or you know, my piece, whatever celebrities are people write the books or whatever. Yeah.

Alena Turley: 20:22

And it might be a bit underground, you might think I'm not doing that. But I feel guilty. And I feel ashamed. And I don't know why, you know, sometimes it's a bit underneath the surface, because that conditioning goes pretty deep. So these are underlying beliefs that sometimes we don't even realize we are utilizing or accessing, right? So that postnatal depletion piece is really key. And I help a lot of women with that. How do we navigate that? What can we do? And that's, that's where this sort of compassion connection, calibration stuff comes in. Right? So that's,

Dr. Brad Miller: 20:53

that's what you're Sharon teach to women who women who come to you with, exhausted or whatever it is, help them to recalibrate the meaningfulness of their lives.

Alena Turley: 21:05

Finding a purpose, reconnecting with their bigger picture, you know, with their bigger picture, not just with how to show up as the best man possible, but also, how can I actually connect deeply within myself, and capture this incredible moment where I have these big dreams, and I'm emerging through motherhood as, as a reconstructed person, you know, where do I fit in the world? And how can I do these amazing things that I'm thinking about, and still show up as the best month possible without compromising my family? You know, so some

Dr. Brad Miller: 21:34

sometimes those are other aspects of their dreams, it might be career, it might be travel, it might be their marriage, any number of things that they want to do. Awesome.

Alena Turley: 21:44

So that's a really exciting moment for women and, and I do that one on one, and also with a membership. So in the membership, there's five stages of that process. And it's really powerful. And it can show up in a lot of different ways. You know,

Dr. Brad Miller: 21:57

let's talk for a minute earlier about any sort of a wave, we're talking about interpersonal, we're talking about, you know, people's emotional life or mental health, their relationship to none of their child, but to their own, to their spouse, perhaps or to other people. Let's talk about any kind of a spiritual aspect to this city kind of in our life, what kind of soul aspects are going on with with women, particularly their moms, or moms to be that's important about them to recalibrate? Is it a part of this process? And if so, how does that come into play here some sort of a sense of connecting to something greater than itself? Yeah,

Alena Turley: 22:39

absolutely. So this is going to be you know, in different language for everybody. It's really personal, I believe. But we do have this natural inclination, we have a natural human beings have a natural inclination to seek the divine in whatever form that is for you. And for some, it's going to be a religious form, you know, a form of God. For others, it's going to be mindfulness, just connecting with a sense of deep knowingness within an intuition. Sometimes it's going to be Buddhism, or another type of philosophy or religion doesn't really matter. What matters is that we connect, we reconnect with that part of us, and with that mysterious aspect of divinity around us, that we are part of and that it is part of us. So it's an interconnection. And the way that I often encourage that in our membership, is with various forms of meditation, visualization, mindfulness practices, that allow us to reestablish that connection, when we've lost it, you know, how can we bring that into our lives, when we don't have time to sit still and quiet for 20 minutes, you know, or go to church or whatever it is we would normally do, right? So how do we reconnect with that sense of deep purpose? And there's lots of different ways and like I say, it's very personal, but you can't do any of that if you're exhausted and burnt out. Right? So it's, first things first, you look at your mental health, your physical health, your rest, are you resting and sleeping, and you know, what can you do for that? Getting help? And are you moving your body and exercising and once you have those foundations in place, then we step into connecting and that means connecting with those around you, and connecting within and to that divine presence

Dr. Brad Miller: 24:21

in order to become made hold or have a sense of meaningfulness. I believe at least you have to have a kind of integration of these things. It's not as Sir that balance. I don't I don't not sure if I believe in ballots, the ballots life, because different times of life, different seasons, you're going to need more things you're going to have, you know, I'll use my own adult daughter with two little children as an example. She doesn't have the time to exercise like she used to, you know, to work go on the treadmill for an hour and all that stuff. But she has to find times to take care of herself physically, but you know, you got to integrate the physical life, your mental health and your your Your Soul Life and all that kind of thing. But you do need, but you do still need it all, you need all those pieces there. And if you exclude any part, that's when you're real trouble. If you exclude your physical health, you're in trouble. If you exclude your mental health, you're in trouble. If you exclude your spiritual life, your or your inner life, you're in trouble. Do reflect with me about that for a minute. Elena, do you agree with that? Or do you how do you see this play out? How do you see it play out with this area of depletion, for instance, depletion cells, some areas are not there. For some people,

Alena Turley: 25:32

I feel like we have to tune into the messaging and the body, you know, the body will tell us what we need, we often get a sense that something's not right. We also need to allow the gentle accountability of a community, that's what my membership offers to women, you know, because sometimes you actually can't access that, in your day to day life in your circle, you know, people are busy. And so sometimes that is the key piece is having this kind of objective and safe community, wherever you find that, that allows you to hold you gently accountable to your needs to your intentions, you know, we talked about intentionality, because you're intentionally, you know, wanting to course correct, I call it cost correcting, you need to course correct and kind of get back on track with your divine practice or get back on track with your nutrition, whatever it is, sometimes it's helpful, and it does actually really solidify an intention to say it out loud to another person. And then to have them ask you in a week, you know, how's that going? That kind of thing.

Dr. Brad Miller: 26:32

So, accountability, or at least relationship is what we're talking about. Yeah,

Alena Turley: 26:35

that's right. community connection, accountability, but in a gentle way, because accountability can be a big, heavy word, when you're not feeling very good.

Dr. Brad Miller: 26:44

I get that. Some people like to talk just a ISD to talk it out, or I need to reflect, you know, with someone, sometimes you just need that sense of someone just to listen, you know, and holding his face. Yeah, that's a great way of putting it, leave it, let's talk for a second, then a little bit of process, you know, that, you know, let's just say somebody's really stuck. You know, what, let's say, let's say that, you know, I, you know, I've worked with all kinds of people, but let's say my, my adult daughter who's 36 has a person in her life who's really having a tough time, you know, getting through this, and I happen to know that she has some friends who are having a difficult time adjusting to motherhood, and so on. Yeah, what are some of the processes? What are some of the kind of the first steps for people like, for instance, if people get involved with your community, with your membership? What are some of the steps people need to go through kind of their strategy, if you will, to begin the process of, of recalibrating? What are some things that need to be doing?

Alena Turley: 27:47

So I call it a roadmap, there is a roadmap, there are certain touch points that are really helpful. And this is not withstanding medical or psychological concerns. Okay, so if there's a medical concern, or psychological concern, I'm not a doctor, I'm not a psychologist. I can't do that, that I would refer. Right. But, and that's an important distinction. You know, postnatal depletion is different to postnatal depression, which is a mental health concern that may require medication, right? So they're very different. And so the first thing is to rule out and then and then I would say, in terms of positive steps, we just start with the basics, because the basics actually can be incredibly challenging when you're in that position. Okay, so you know, are you safe? Are you taking in enough water and food that nourishes your body? Are you moving regularly? You know, can you do some gentle movement? Has you nervous system? Do you need a little bit of a nervous system reset? Are you in adrenal fatigue? You know, because if you've been operating under a lot of pressure for some time, certain things can arise and sort of stay there and makes it very difficult to rest, or eat properly, or do anything if you're an adrenal fatigue. So there's various things we just look at first, and then some people come in, and they're like, Well, I'm fine with all that. But I'm feeling really disconnected from myself and my community. So the next step would be, okay, how do we reestablish connection with you, with yourself, and with you with those close to you and with your wider community. And we do that in a number of ways. There's a number of practices that we would pull in there. And then the next step is actually about ethical living and sustainable living, because I believe a lot of us are carrying a burden of wanting to care for our environment, and not knowing how to do that. And wanting to care for our bodies in a sustainable way, not knowing how to do that. So I teach basic fermentation, I teach composting. I teach these really simple things that get you back in touch with your role as someone who looks after your environment in your home just in a very micro level. So we're just gonna what can we do at home to reduce our waste to you know, it's just a really simple little introduction. And but it's in depth enough for those that have done it before to learn something. So that's the next step. The next step after that is actually about productivity and becoming more streamlined and decluttering. And those sorts of things. Okay, so now we're at the next stage, we're ready to start creating space, we're ready to start being more efficient and actually calling in a bigger purpose. And our bigger dreams where we've got our foundations, we're connected, we're feeling good. So now what's the next step? Well, the next step is your bigger purpose. How do you want to serve? What's your service to the world? What's your offering?

Dr. Brad Miller: 30:31

understanding begin to feed yourself, heal yourself. And then part of the overall healing is to get back serve serve somebody else.

Alena Turley: 30:38

The ultimate goal of many spiritual program, right is service, any religion, any philosophy, that always ends up with service, any 12 Step Program, the 12 step is service. So that is at stake, because that's what we need as humans, you know,

Dr. Brad Miller: 30:57

let's talk about how you do that then because part of your process for you, through your situations, you know, you your three children, and to to do for iterations in there. And you've gone through that you've done a lot of processing yourself, and you do some things. And you're giving back. And so in specific ways here, let's talk about your, your, your podcast, and your blog and your membership program. What are some of the ways that you are giving back here? And how can people begin to understand how that can be helpful to them?

Alena Turley: 31:34

Yeah, sure. So I do offer a lot of free information, I love to connect people to the information they need or like you, Brian, and I do that with my blog, the samama hub. And I do that with my podcast, the unboxing Apple podcast. And then I have two paid offerings at the moment. One is a bespoke guidance program where one to one private mentorship with me, and the other one is a membership a month to month membership. We do activation workshops every month with sometimes amazing experts all over the world. Last month, we had an American, MD and author, integrative functional medicine, amazing woman, and sometimes with me, and we just learn new things. And then we have a circle, a monthly mother's circle where we sit around and we integrate what we've learned that month, and we catch up with each other and have a private group where we all communicate as well. So that's slowly growing. It's quite new. And it's a beautiful privilege to serve in that way. But I mean, I believe the way we've served the most as mothers is in our own families.

Dr. Brad Miller: 32:39

Sure. So do you have some fun doing that as well?

Alena Turley: 32:42

Yeah, absolutely. I'm very lucky to live in a beautiful part of the world. And yeah, really lucky and martial artist as well. And so serve that community. locally. Yeah, do lots of things.

Dr. Brad Miller: 32:54

Okay. Well, what I'm getting at is I think it's important that in the process of doing all this stuff that we smile, and have some fun and laugh, and maybe maybe have a tear or two, perhaps at some soft hearted moment warms our heart, it's cuz it's about it's about the not only the intellectual and the physical, but it's the emotional warmth, connection. That compassion thing. And so, what I'd like to hear from you now, Lena is one of those stories of let's tear about a person or a situation out of your coaching or your group or podcast or something. Tell me about a person who you know, out of your teaching out of your service out of your community. Yeah, that you said that. Okay, that aha moment or something transformative? Can we hear a story?

Alena Turley: 33:44

Yeah, sure. That was just, um, which do I choose? There's quite a few. And they're really beautiful. So why don't I choose as an American woman actually, who is in my membership, and she has two young children with quite severe allergies. She was very depleted when she came to me, she was coming off the back of a bout of depression. And she had been medicated and she was in this point of, do I, do I go back on my medication? Or do I sort of try and find another way to feel better? And like I say, this is not for everybody. You know, this is not about medication or medical advice in any way. But for her for her story. She was ready to move forward in a different way. So she gave it a try. And she's been in the membership now for a year. And the things that I've seen change in her she has started to really ask powerful questions of her life. She has started to understand how she can manage her anxiety around her children's allergies. So they've now started school and preschool, which was something she really struggled with. In the past. She has also started to really curate her community so she is more careful with Who she spends time with and she really nourishes her soul on a daily basis with various practices, she does art, she does a little bit of meditation, she has sought some healing and she actually had some surgery on a long term issue that was really bothering her. They've bought a house, her and her partner. So they, their their life is moving in a direction that she is intentionally choosing, that is much more nourishing for her and she's coping so differently. And she just to see her showing up and finding holistically healthy ways to live through some pretty big challenges is really inspiring to me, she has really inspired me. And when

Dr. Brad Miller: 35:41

you see and you experience transformation, see ya know, that somehow another it's a part of your life journey as well. There's nothing better is there's nothing better from my,

Alena Turley: 35:52

from salutely. And she laughs and she's

Dr. Brad Miller: 35:57

when people are going through really terrible, tragic circumstances. It's, it's tough, it's tough. It's hard to see the bright side. And if you can start to get get out beyond that. It's really, really cool. Yeah. I kind of feel there's a lot of people out there you have a sense of meaning less than us in life. And sometimes it manifests itself in things like postpartum depression and other motherhood, Parenthood of all of all ages. You know, all my kids are adults and I still have to deal with stuff with believe me. But, but my point is, we all have to deal with these ups and downs. But if you provide us some tools and some help here, and they help people these particular circumstances mom's particularly so if there's people out there who this has touched a nerve with him, or maybe the someone's listening to this who maybe it's their adult daughter or their neighbor or their somebody they are on a you know, they workout with or somebody they know the stories people talk, people talk and they're in their groups. Maybe there's something you have here that's helpful to them. How can people find out more about your blog and your podcast and what you're all about? How can people find out more about you?

Alena Turley: 37:13

So you can find me on Instagram at soul mama hub. I'm also I've just been sitting here thinking when I can give your listeners and I'd love to give them a free guide. It's about three secrets to overcoming depletion, maternal depletion, it's pretty transferable. So I'll put that together and give it to you for the show notes. But that will be at all over healthy.com forward slash brad. So all over healthy as it sounds .com, forward slash brad. And that's really helpful as a starting point. And otherwise, just come and look at my website, alenaturley.com

Dr. Brad Miller: 37:52

Indeed, we will put links to all of that at our website, Dr. Brad Miller. What a fascinating discussion. Alena just I just, I, here's what I do know. I know that is a need, okay. Out of my own experiences of over my 40-42 years, as a pastor, I dealt with a lot of families, some pretty tough circumstances in more than one, there was dynamics regarding the birth of a child or the or postpartum situation that were just really challenging to deal with. And not everybody was equipped to deal with well, and some things didn't turn out. So well. And those things then impact they go on, they become generational. Generational you become, you know that the they become a factor in those children, they become a factor then the grandchildren, they become a factor for generations. And wouldn't it be cool to be a part of breaking a pattern there and helping more health and vitality and good things to come out?

Alena Turley: 38:55

that's the mother love movement. That's it. It's other love nice than undeserved? Yep, I agree.

Dr. Brad Miller: 39:01

And so I want to say thank you for your service to this group of people. Which is, hey, guys, a lot of mothers out there and a lot of kids out there, we're all children of our mothers. So thank you. Thank you for that. We look forward to our paths crossing again and for you continue to serve women and families here. So thank you for your service. Our guest today on beyond adversity. Alena Turley, the soul mama, and a mother love movement and the unbox school podcast. We thank you for being our guest today on the beyond adversity podcast.