191: How To Find Purpose In Your Pain By Being Willing To Share Your Story With Christine Handy
Christine is a talented model and a motivational speaker who also has a family of her own, with her being a mother of two. She is also the author of the book called Walk Beside Me
In this episode, Christine shares with us today her personal experiences in life which prompted her to search for faith and her belief in God.
Christine did not only experience a help-related problem once, but it happened to her four times which poses a real challenge in her life. At the age of 35, she had a colon resection and at the age of 41, she had a torn ligament on her wrist. After that surgery on her wrist, she had swelling in her wrist bones that were left untreated for a while due to her previous doctor.
Not a while after that, she was also diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer.
Episode 191 of The Beyond Adversity Podcast is a must-listen podcast to people who are looking for inspiration to keep going in life despite the challenges that they are receiving.
“The Beyond Adversity Podcast with Dr. Brad Miller is published weekly with the mission of helping people “Grow Through What They Go Through” as they navigate adversity and discover their promised life of peace, prosperity, and purpose.
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Transcript
Christine Handy: our guest here today, she had her
Dr. Brad Miller::share of challenges in her life. She has also had
Dr. Brad Miller::her share of upsides in her life. And she's tells her
Dr. Brad Miller::story in her upcoming in our book that it's out now
Dr. Brad Miller::called Walk Beside Me. I'm gonna let her
Dr. Brad Miller::unpack restore. But we are certainly glad to have
Dr. Brad Miller::with us on Beyond adversity today. Christine Handy.
Dr. Brad Miller::Christine, welcome to Beyond Adversity.
Christine Handy::Thank you, I've definitely had my share.
Dr. Brad Miller::Awesome. Well, that's something awesome that you've
Dr. Brad Miller::had your share of challenges. But even more awesome
Dr. Brad Miller::that you found your way through those things.
Dr. Brad Miller::And so let's just get into this a little bit here, Christine.
Dr. Brad Miller::It seemed like you had your life cruising along pretty
Dr. Brad Miller::good in in your life, when some dark times happened.
Dr. Brad Miller::And let's just go, Let's just hear your story or bad about you. Okay.
Christine Handy::Yeah, so I thought I was having, I thought my life was
Christine Handy::cruising along very well. But there was a part of me
Christine Handy::from, you know, mid 20s, where I thought there's
Christine Handy::something missing. And so when I started to have
Christine Handy::my first health challenge, which was a colon resection
Christine Handy::when I was 35. And that colon resection is a major surgery.
Christine Handy::But what happened during the surgery was, the doctor
Christine Handy::nicked a vein in my pelvis. And because I was a model,
Christine Handy::and because I had made it kind of a big deal to him to
Christine Handy::be very careful with the scars and the surgery, he was
Christine Handy::a bit timid when He nicked a vein in my pelvis to open
Christine Handy::me up even wider, because of scar issues. Ultimately,
Christine Handy::he had to open me from hip to hip because the bleeding
Christine Handy::was out of control. And when I woke up from that surgery,
Christine Handy::I had a port in my neck and I had been on my second
Christine Handy::blood transfusion. So that was kind of my first brush with
Christine Handy::death, so to speak. And along recovery. Now, I I started
Christine Handy::modeling when I was very young. And that was a very
Christine Handy::glamorous and very external accolade life. But what I
Christine Handy::was missing, the parts of my childhood that were missing
Christine Handy::were the were the parts where I was learning how to
Christine Handy::develop the inside self esteem self or self love, you know,
Christine Handy::dependence on faith, spirituality versus materialism,
Christine Handy::external looks, those types of things, and I missed that
Christine Handy::whole chapter of my life. So fast forward to 35, I have a
Christine Handy::colon resection, you know, I start to go Wait, what's missing
Christine Handy::here because this feels really bad. You know, and then by 41,
Christine Handy::I had a torn ligament, my right wrist, which again is surgery,
Christine Handy::but not that big of a deal. And I woke up from that surgery
Christine Handy::and things seemed to be fine. And about six weeks later,
Christine Handy::when the cast came off, I had so such severe swelling and
Christine Handy::grotesque pain that I call my doctor and said, There's something
Christine Handy::really wrong here. For several months after that call, he
Christine Handy::bullied me emotionally bullied me and told me that the pain
Christine Handy::and swelling that was I was experiences was really going on
Christine Handy::just in my head, like there was a misfire between my brain
Christine Handy::and my limb. In this case, it was my right arm. And ultimately,
Christine Handy::I found enough courage after being bullied for months to go
Christine Handy::see another physician for a second opinion. And within hours,
Christine Handy::I was in emergency surgery because what I did have the
Christine Handy::whole time with an infection called osteomyelitis in my
Christine Handy::bones in my wrist. And by the time the doctor went in, all
Christine Handy::the bones in my wrist were destroyed. And ultimately, my
Christine Handy::arm was fused. And six weeks after my arm was fused, I
Christine Handy::was diagnosed with a aggressive form of breast cancer.
Christine Handy::So I had like the trifecta health crazy, one thing after
Christine Handy::another with, you know, severe consequences. And so
Christine Handy::that's kind of a little bit about the trauma.
Dr. Brad Miller::And, and just to set the framework just a little
Dr. Brad Miller::bit, you'd had some some pretty good success
Dr. Brad Miller::in the modeling world in some other areas of that
Dr. Brad Miller::before all these health related issues came crashing
Dr. Brad Miller::down on you. You had a really you're in a pretty good
Dr. Brad Miller::place. Is that correct?
Christine Handy::Oh, yeah. I mean, I was married. I had two young
Christine Handy::kids, you know, I think to the world, my life looked
Christine Handy::perfect, right? I was beautiful and successful. And I
Christine Handy::modeled all over the world. And, and I've been modeling,
Christine Handy::I'm still a model. I'm actually walking in New York Fashion
Christine Handy::Week in the spring. But my I was a working model. You
Christine Handy::know, I was in the catalog, JC Penney, Neiman's. Dillards,
Christine Handy::I was a catalog girl. And that was my bread and butter,
Christine Handy::and I did very well. And so, you know, the idea of a scar
Christine Handy::was very frightening to me. Little did I know that that
Christine Handy::was the least of my worries was a scar.
Dr. Brad Miller::But you're literally what your physical scar was
Dr. Brad Miller::very frightening to you. You're scared?
Christine Handy::Oh, yeah.
Dr. Brad Miller::Yeah,
Christine Handy::yeah. Yeah.
Dr. Brad Miller::That was a part of your livelihood, you know, was
Dr. Brad Miller::your physical parents, right? So
Christine Handy::not just my livelihood, but it was my, my whole
Christine Handy::dependence on my exterior was
Dr. Brad Miller::your identity was there?
Christine Handy::Yeah, that was my lifeline.
Dr. Brad Miller::Yeah. Okay. So, so you've had all these health challenges
Dr. Brad Miller::then and I have to assume that had some impact in
Dr. Brad Miller::your personal life and business? All kinds of things.
Dr. Brad Miller::I would imagine that that it did. And a lot of people,
Dr. Brad Miller::you know, Christine, when they have bad things
Dr. Brad Miller::happen to them health related relationship issue,
Dr. Brad Miller::financial reversal, whatever it is, they get stuck,
Dr. Brad Miller::you know, they are they go into a downward
Dr. Brad Miller::downward spiral. And that's a problem.
Christine Handy::Yes,
Dr. Brad Miller::you're here today, because you may have been in
Dr. Brad Miller::that dark place for a while, but you didn't stay there.
Dr. Brad Miller::Yeah, what were some of the steps that you took out
Dr. Brad Miller::of that place? You know, you mentioned being bullied.
Dr. Brad Miller::You mentioned health issues, you mentioned some
Dr. Brad Miller::inclination towards a kind of a dark place depression.
Dr. Brad Miller::And so one, what are some of the steps that you took,
Dr. Brad Miller::so in actions that you took to start to break out of that spiral?
Christine Handy::Well, when I had some quiet time, which was a fair amount
Christine Handy::during chemotherapy, because although you have a lot of
Christine Handy::people around you, hopefully, you know, there's a lot of
Christine Handy::moments where you're sick, and the bathroom or you
Christine Handy::know, in bed sleeping, or resting or trying to sleep,
Christine Handy::where, for me, it was a time of introspection, I took
Christine Handy::a I took a look at my life for the past 40 years
Christine Handy::that I just lived in. I was like, Why is this not
Christine Handy::working? And so I spent that time while sick,
Christine Handy::trying to figure out how to live a life that was
Christine Handy::different, and where did I mess it up. And the
Christine Handy::thing that really resonated with me was like,
Christine Handy::I my self esteem was not good, it was destroyed.
Christine Handy::And, and I'm not blaming anybody or any industry
Christine Handy::on it, it was my responsibility to nurture my self
Christine Handy::esteem. But once I was able to start nurturing
Christine Handy::my self esteem during this time, right, and
Christine Handy::during this transition, then I started to make
Christine Handy::different choices about my life. I started making
Christine Handy::different choices about who I was surrounding
Christine Handy::myself with, what I was listening. Like, listen,
Christine Handy::when I was, you know, 30, and modeling, and
Christine Handy::had all these amazing friends and the success
Christine Handy::and these young kids and, and beauty and all
Christine Handy::these things, when my friends would ask me,
Christine Handy::Do you want to go to Bible study? I would say
Christine Handy::no, I don't have time, I need to go to a yoga
Christine Handy::class. So my focus was not on faith, my focus
Christine Handy::was on external things, right? External accolades,
Christine Handy::materialism, working out, trying to keep my body
Christine Handy::fit. And but it was all it wasn't for anything other
Christine Handy::than myself, right? I mean, for my job, or for it was
Christine Handy::self serving. And so when I was going through
Christine Handy::chemotherapy, I was I thought to myself, this isn't
Christine Handy::working. The self serving isn't working, and it's not
Christine Handy::filling me up, it doesn't feel whole. And so when I
Christine Handy::started to serve, and I started to lead by example,
Christine Handy::meaning I started to show up for myself. And then
Christine Handy::what that showed was my family and my friends,
Christine Handy::like she's got courage. She's got courage under fire,
Christine Handy::and what does this look like. And so I started to
Christine Handy::lead in a way that was serving others, but also
Christine Handy::serving myself. And so I developed a better self
Christine Handy::esteem, I started to make better decisions for
Christine Handy::myself, I didn't allow people to talk, like a bully,
Christine Handy::I didn't allow a bully anymore in my life. And
Christine Handy::because of those, because of those past mistakes,
Christine Handy::I was able to not get into the mode of paralysis
Christine Handy::where I was stuck, I went into an opposite one
Christine Handy::totally 180 and decided I'm going to change this,
Christine Handy::I'm gonna change this cycle. But that takes a lot
Christine Handy::of courage, right, and a lot of introspection.
Christine Handy::And so while I was doing that, and while I was
Christine Handy::nurturing my self-esteem, I was able to kind of
Christine Handy::get myself out of those old habits. And that's
Christine Handy::how I got myself out of it. And ever since I
Christine Handy::was, well, I took my story. And I decided to
Christine Handy::write a book and I decided to teach people
Christine Handy::you know, kind of from my mistakes, what
Christine Handy::not to do, don't depend on the external
Christine Handy::accolades, don't depend on materialism.
Christine Handy::That's fleeting, that's building your life on
Christine Handy::sand. We need a better platform, I needed
Christine Handy::to build my life on concrete, which for me, is faith and God.
Dr. Brad Miller::Yeah. Well, let's go there in just a second
Dr. Brad Miller::here, but just want to clarify some things I
Dr. Brad Miller::heard from you, Christine, it helped me
Dr. Brad Miller::a farm or, or not, but I'm hearing you said
Dr. Brad Miller::some of the actions that you took, were
Dr. Brad Miller::going inward to really reflect on what was
Dr. Brad Miller::happening to you. Because before you were
Dr. Brad Miller::just kind of so busy and so focused on the
Dr. Brad Miller::surface level, you had to go inward, you
Dr. Brad Miller::chose to write, you chose to break old
Dr. Brad Miller::habits and start new habits and you
Dr. Brad Miller::chose to teach others. And then you
Dr. Brad Miller::also part of that teaching was to serve
Dr. Brad Miller::others. Is that accurate? And what I'm
Dr. Brad Miller::hearing you say some of the actions that you took.
Christine Handy::yeah, so I just started to walk through life differently.
Christine Handy::I started to try to figure out a way that I could inspire
Christine Handy::and help lead other people. And for that, I love to write
Christine Handy::I never been a writer before, but I thought okay, I'll start
Christine Handy::this new craft. Actually, right now I go to Harvard, I'm
Christine Handy::getting my master's degree in writing. And so I wanted
Christine Handy::to take that even a step further and get better at it.
Christine Handy::So wrote the book. And I always said to you know,
Christine Handy::as far as like my faith, I would say, Okay, God,
Christine Handy::if you want this book out, get it out. Like it's your
Christine Handy::purpose. It's your will not mine. And so I decided
Christine Handy::that it wasn't in my control so much anymore. It
Christine Handy::was in God's control. And so I was just a facilitator.
Christine Handy::And if it was going to be successful if it was going
Christine Handy::to help other people, that's what you know he was
Christine Handy::going to do. And so I started to write, and I started
Christine Handy::to just choose differently, I started to talk to myself
Christine Handy::better. I started to change who I was surrounding
Christine Handy::myself with, you know, relationally. And I just started
Christine Handy::choose, you know, what I looked at, what I listened to,
Dr. Brad Miller::yes.
Christine Handy::And then, and then everything in my life change.
Christine Handy::I wasn't so dependent on the bags and the
Christine Handy::materialism, I wasn't so dependent on the
Christine Handy::external accolades, which is really hard in a
Christine Handy::day like today where we're dependent on
Christine Handy::social media. And so I think my message
Christine Handy::message is so important, because so many
Christine Handy::people look at social media, and they go,
Christine Handy::Oh, well, the her life's perfect, or her life is
Christine Handy::better than mine. And there's this whole world
Christine Handy::of comparison. Yes. And I and I'm out and I'm
Christine Handy::out there screaming from the rooftops. Like,
Christine Handy::that's not how you live your life. You can't tell
Christine Handy::what's going on inside of somebody, everybody's
Christine Handy::got a story. And there's no way that I mean, people
Christine Handy::wouldn't look at me and say, Oh, that girl has been
Christine Handy::through 28 rounds of chemo 23 non elective surgery,
Christine Handy::that girl is not in chronic pain. And I am.
Dr. Brad Miller::Yes,
Christine Handy::So we can't judge and compare?
Dr. Brad Miller::Well, you, you've touched on some really
Dr. Brad Miller::important things here. And what you're
Dr. Brad Miller::talking about is kind of the, the Connect, or
Dr. Brad Miller::the disconnect between the physical and
Dr. Brad Miller::the spiritual and the in the inner life. In as
Dr. Brad Miller::much as a true life transformation takes
Dr. Brad Miller::place. Not only on the exterior, you know,
Dr. Brad Miller::but also on the inner life and choosing to
Dr. Brad Miller::make a connection there. And you've mentioned
Dr. Brad Miller::your faith journey, a little bit here already.
Dr. Brad Miller::And I'm a big believer that to have true transformation,
Dr. Brad Miller::you got to have the outward thing, which is kind of
Dr. Brad Miller::the physical, taking the action, that kind of stuff.
Dr. Brad Miller::But you have to connect with a higher power.
Dr. Brad Miller::And tell us a bit about your background that way,
Dr. Brad Miller::if you had any faith background, and then what,
Dr. Brad Miller::when you did make some choices here to go.
Dr. Brad Miller::You know, you mentioned to people via your
Dr. Brad Miller::Bible studies, things like this, what were some
Dr. Brad Miller::of the ways that you did connect to to a faith
Dr. Brad Miller::journey for something greater than self greater
Dr. Brad Miller::than surface, that were part of your
Dr. Brad Miller::transformation process, your faith story here?
Christine Handy::Well, and also greater than this world, what
Christine Handy::this world could offer. So I started to me, I
Christine Handy::was raised Catholic, so I always believed in
Christine Handy::God. But I believed in myself more I believe
Christine Handy::that I was in control more than God, because
Christine Handy::I hadn't really learned faith from another
Christine Handy::perspective other than Catholicism, which
Christine Handy::by the way, for me inflicted a lot of shame.
Christine Handy::And so I kind of left Catholicism, and when
Christine Handy::I was in my 30s, and my friends who were
Christine Handy::Christians would invite me into that, you know,
Christine Handy::Catholicism is Christianity, but it's, you know,
Christine Handy::theirs was a little bit different. And so when
Christine Handy::they invited me into that, I was a little bit
Christine Handy::hesitant, because I thought, I've got this,
Christine Handy::I've got a career, I've got a family, I've got a
Christine Handy::life. I've got, you know, resources. I'm good.
Christine Handy::And what I was more comfortable laying on
Christine Handy::my yoga mat trying to center myself then
Christine Handy::going than speaking to God, like in a prayer way.
Christine Handy::Well, when everything unraveled, right, when
Christine Handy::everything was stripped away, including my
Christine Handy::beauty, everything that I was dependent on
Christine Handy::everything that I thought I had control over
Christine Handy::when that when I was that completely taken
Christine Handy::away, like stripped completely away. I was
Christine Handy::like what's left, right? If I was like, There's no way
Christine Handy::I'm in control here. And so I was led to a higher
Christine Handy::power. And I had a choice, right? I could have
Christine Handy::gone right back to materialism, I could have
Christine Handy::gone right back to the false idols. But I was like,
Christine Handy::that didn't work for me. And so I chose differently.
Christine Handy::And it's been profoundly like, the profoundly
Christine Handy::different my life. I'm in chronic pain, I'm in
Christine Handy::constant pain. But I, I felt great happiness in my
Christine Handy::life before cancer, but I feel joy now. Because
Christine Handy::the act of serving the act of giving, that's joy,
Christine Handy::right? That brings me joy.
Dr. Brad Miller::Well, that's awesome. That also indicates
Dr. Brad Miller::how this transformation took place whereby
Dr. Brad Miller::the choices that you made, to connect to
Dr. Brad Miller::God to faith to a higher power, and to choose
Dr. Brad Miller::these different approaches to it to maybe what
Dr. Brad Miller::you grew up with, or where you are so centered
Dr. Brad Miller::on self, you know, on yourself, value and you
Dr. Brad Miller::were looking for some ways to enhance that
Dr. Brad Miller::yoga, nothing wrong with yoga. But you
Dr. Brad Miller::understand, there the whole meditation
Dr. Brad Miller::thing is part the only goes so far, in my
Dr. Brad Miller::belief, you have to have the meditation
Dr. Brad Miller::which has to lead us to the Holy Spirit in
Dr. Brad Miller::our life, which can fulfill us ultimately.
Dr. Brad Miller::And so that's awesome. Thank you for
Dr. Brad Miller::sharing and that takes some courage to to
Dr. Brad Miller::share that especially coming out of a
Dr. Brad Miller::background that's kind of centered on
Dr. Brad Miller::something different than that.
Christine Handy::Right
Dr. Brad Miller::Let's talk for medic, Christine about how
Dr. Brad Miller::these new habits these new, I'm going to
Dr. Brad Miller::talk to you about the change of mind. And
Dr. Brad Miller::what implement here is habits, disciplines
Dr. Brad Miller::of patterns of life that you may have done,
Dr. Brad Miller::you know, some people talk about journaling,
Dr. Brad Miller::for instance, are a whole different ways of
Dr. Brad Miller::approaching things. What changed for you?
Dr. Brad Miller::And what how were these kind of new cognitive
Dr. Brad Miller::patterns imprinted upon you. Now compared
Dr. Brad Miller::to where you're at now, what are some of your
Dr. Brad Miller::habits that you have now?
Christine Handy::Well, I think so much of it, the choices that
Christine Handy::I make, and the habits that I have are
Christine Handy::dependent on my self esteem. So when I
Christine Handy::had a very low self esteem, and I had built
Christine Handy::my life on sand. The choices that I made
Christine Handy::were to impress people, because I needed
Christine Handy::those accolades, right. And so my choice
Christine Handy::would be to maybe go out to lunch and
Christine Handy::have my friends tell me how pretty I am
Christine Handy::and get dressed up versus now, where I'd
Christine Handy::rather be interviewed, I'd rather be on social
Christine Handy::media talking about my story to help other
Christine Handy::people, I'd rather go to school and study at
Christine Handy::Harvard than go out to a gala or a function,
Christine Handy::I'd rather model with a flat concave chest
Christine Handy::because I had breast cancer, then model
Christine Handy::with, you know, the chest and the beauty that
Christine Handy::I had before, because now it's a story. Now
Christine Handy::I'm trying to help the people that have concave
Christine Handy::chest or flat chest and say to them, this is just
Christine Handy::as beautiful. It's just different. But that stems
Christine Handy::from a solid self esteem, right? My self esteem
Christine Handy::is rooted in faith, it's not rooted in this world.
Christine Handy::And so the choices that I make are completely
Christine Handy::different. I mean, I've had to had, I've had to,
Christine Handy::sadly, release a lot of relationships, because
Christine Handy::those relationships that I was dependent on,
Christine Handy::a lot of them were, were feeding that low self
Christine Handy::esteem, right? We cover ourselves with people,
Christine Handy::many times that where, if we're feeling bad
Christine Handy::about ourselves, the people around us are
Christine Handy::making us feel bad. But it was a choice for me
Christine Handy::to get myself out of that.
Dr. Brad Miller::Yeah.
Christine Handy::I can't blame it on them.
Dr. Brad Miller::Of course, of course. But there are such things
Dr. Brad Miller::as helpful and unhelpful relationships. And there
Dr. Brad Miller::are even toxic relationships. And there are even
Dr. Brad Miller::seasons of relationships, you know, where
Dr. Brad Miller::it's good for our season, but something new
Dr. Brad Miller::comes into your life. And so let's go there from it.
Dr. Brad Miller::And this is the emotional part, I believe kind of
Dr. Brad Miller::what the teaching I do have regarding transformation
Dr. Brad Miller::means that you got to have a spiritual element,
Dr. Brad Miller::you got to have a physical element, you got to
Dr. Brad Miller::have a cognitive mental element, but you also
Dr. Brad Miller::have to have an emotional element, which most
Dr. Brad Miller::often connects to, or relates to other people in
Dr. Brad Miller::your life. So you mentioned how you had to
Dr. Brad Miller::let some people kind of go in your life. And
Dr. Brad Miller::you mentioned kind of a bad relationship
Dr. Brad Miller::with the doctor. That was a part of the bullying.
Dr. Brad Miller::And that's, I believe, that's if we get a little deeper
Dr. Brad Miller::in that that's probably some sort of a story there
Dr. Brad Miller::with other bullying type episodes, perhaps.
Dr. Brad Miller::But let's talk about the power of relationships,
Dr. Brad Miller::for healing and for wholeness and for
Dr. Brad Miller::transformation, who came to who came alongside
Dr. Brad Miller::you? Or perhaps what who were mentors in your
Dr. Brad Miller::life? Or maybe what were some influences that
Dr. Brad Miller::helped you in this emotional part of this journey.
Dr. Brad Miller::And then we're talking a little bit about how that
Dr. Brad Miller::got accepted that I met. But let's go there for a second.
Christine Handy::So it's interesting that you asked that because
Christine Handy::those same people that were asking me to go
Christine Handy::to Bible studies, they're the ones that showed
Christine Handy::up, when I was diagnosed with cancer, there's,
Christine Handy::they're the ones that made this calendar of
Christine Handy::people to show up at my house every single
Christine Handy::day. Because I was paralyzed for about
Christine Handy::the first month when I had cancer, I had
Christine Handy::just come off with come off of this terrible
Christine Handy::situation that happened to my arm, and
Christine Handy::then I was diagnosed with cancer. And I
Christine Handy::was like, I quit. My life is not worth living.
Christine Handy::I'm it's over. And so they came and they
Christine Handy::surrounded me every day with love and
Christine Handy::compassion and faith. And they listened
Christine Handy::to me, they listened to the darkness. And
Christine Handy::they used to, they used to tell me, they
Christine Handy::used to say, this mountain of women,
Christine Handy::they used to say, not only will we never
Christine Handy::forsake you, God will never forsake you.
Christine Handy::And there will be purpose in the story.
Christine Handy::And after a while, I started to believe them.
Christine Handy::And they kept showing up. And I used to say to
Christine Handy::them, Why would you show up for me? I can't
Christine Handy::offer you anything. Because right, I used to
Christine Handy::live in this transactional world.
Dr. Brad Miller::Yes.
Christine Handy::And, and they would say to me, we're not
Christine Handy::looking for anything. We're just being the
Christine Handy::hands and the feet of God. And I used to say,
Christine Handy::well, this is another season of pain. This is the
Christine Handy::third season of pain, and that didn't bother them.
Christine Handy::And so I saw them show up. And I and they they
Christine Handy::modeled for me what I was ultimately going to do,
Christine Handy::right? So they were my teachers. And it wasn't
Christine Handy::anything of it didn't take anything from their
Christine Handy::life for them to serve me to use their resources
Christine Handy::to help me and my family. And I was watching
Christine Handy::this going, wow. Like I've lived this life of self
Christine Handy::involvement and that was not fulfilling and
Christine Handy::now these women are giving up so much of
Christine Handy::themselves and it's fulfilling. I just needed a
Christine Handy::different, you know, perspective and They
Christine Handy::taught me that. And so had my friends not
Christine Handy::shown up for me that way, I'm not sure that
Christine Handy::I would have completely changed. I, they were
Christine Handy::definitely the leaders of the pack. And so but
Christine Handy::then they said to me, when your journey is done,
Christine Handy::then you will do this for other people. And I took
Christine Handy::that job very seriously.
Dr. Brad Miller::Yes. And we're gonna get into that just a second.
Dr. Brad Miller::But I just want to key on one key phrase that you said
Dr. Brad Miller::there, Christine, I think it's so important, that is
Dr. Brad Miller::fulfilling, fulfilling that, prior to this, that what the
Dr. Brad Miller::story you painted for us was, it was less than fulfilling.
Dr. Brad Miller::And now with your friends, and with your faith, and
Dr. Brad Miller::the actions that you took, you had much more fulfillment
Dr. Brad Miller::in life and, or a meaningfulness. And I just don't
Dr. Brad Miller::believe that we live a time where
Dr. Brad Miller::meaninglessness is toxic, and is,
Dr. Brad Miller::you know, you know, a pandemic
Dr. Brad Miller::of its own right, we've dealt with
Dr. Brad Miller::the physical pandemic of COVID,
Dr. Brad Miller::we have a pandemic, of people with
Dr. Brad Miller::depression, and all kinds of things,
Dr. Brad Miller::which has made it less less. And that's
Dr. Brad Miller::why some of what you share, you share
Dr. Brad Miller::from this perspective, you know, you come into
Dr. Brad Miller::the modeling background, and some
Dr. Brad Miller::success and so on. And now
Dr. Brad Miller::you're sharing your story to others,
Dr. Brad Miller::because others have surrounded you.
Dr. Brad Miller::So let's talk about that for a minute.
Dr. Brad Miller::You've written a book called walk
Dr. Brad Miller::beside me. And I love that title, by
Dr. Brad Miller::the way, because it kind of tells
Dr. Brad Miller::me little bit about those friends that
Dr. Brad Miller::you had and your faith and that kind
Dr. Brad Miller::of thing, even even in even in the title,
Dr. Brad Miller::who do write this book for? And what's it all about?
Christine Handy::I think the originally the reason I wrote it
Christine Handy::was to show female relationships, the
Christine Handy::unity of female relationships, and how
Christine Handy::powerful how life saving those could
Christine Handy::be. It was almost like a love letter to
Christine Handy::my friend saying, you know, thank you,
Christine Handy::and let's teach other people. But there's
Christine Handy::so many other things that came out of
Christine Handy::that book, because I was so vulnerable
Christine Handy::and sharing my story, that people felt like
Christine Handy::they weren't so alone in their pain. And a
Christine Handy::lot of people read my book and said,
Christine Handy::Wow, if she can get through that I can
Christine Handy::get through what I'm going through.
Christine Handy::And so it's had a grand effect in many
Christine Handy::other ways. But I think that's originally
Christine Handy::the reason I wrote it.
Dr. Brad Miller::And when people pick up this book,
Dr. Brad Miller::what are they going to find? What
Dr. Brad Miller::are they going to learn? Because I think
Dr. Brad Miller::there's, you know, obviously, a lot of
Dr. Brad Miller::parallels to your life. But what are they
Dr. Brad Miller::going to learn that maybe apply to their life?
Christine Handy::Well, I think it's an important story because
Christine Handy::of the transformation, right? You see, this
Christine Handy::person that looked like to the world had a very
Christine Handy::successful life, but really was so empty. And then
Christine Handy::you see all this pain and all this trauma. And
Christine Handy::you see how she reacted and how she changed.
Christine Handy::And so I think all of us, there's nobody that will
Christine Handy::not have trauma, right? We're not immune to
Christine Handy::trauma. And so I think it's an important message
Christine Handy::that people can look at and go, Okay, well,
Christine Handy::after the trauma, after the chronic pain
Christine Handy::after the diagnosis, there's hope. And
Christine Handy::what does that look like, right? And so
Christine Handy::it's, it's a narrative, it's a fictional story
Christine Handy::of my life, but it's the good and the bad,
Christine Handy::and the ugly. And so it's not a story like
Christine Handy::social media, we're just paying it's one
Christine Handy::picture of oh, look at all my friends,
Christine Handy::they showed up and look at how
Christine Handy::beautiful life is. It's no these, this is
Christine Handy::what happened on the darkest days.
Christine Handy::This is how I got through it. And this is
Christine Handy::what it looks like on the other side. And it's messy.
Dr. Brad Miller::Yes. And it's a process, it's, it's not an
Dr. Brad Miller::instantaneous thing. You know, it's not
Dr. Brad Miller::a, you know, there's no magic thing here.
Dr. Brad Miller::It's not like, you know, putting on makeup
Dr. Brad Miller::or putting on a new outfit or anything,
Dr. Brad Miller::where it's just surface kind of thing. It's a
Dr. Brad Miller::process and you met, you know, the
Dr. Brad Miller::healing process, the physical healing process,
Dr. Brad Miller::when you have massive surgery and things
Dr. Brad Miller::like that. You just don't get over it overnight.
Dr. Brad Miller::It's a process and, and so let's talk about
Dr. Brad Miller::that process here for a second in terms of
Dr. Brad Miller::the influence that you've had on people you
Dr. Brad Miller::mentioned here, Christine, about how, you
Dr. Brad Miller::know, things were cruising along, then you
Dr. Brad Miller::had these massive health issues, and low
Dr. Brad Miller::self esteem and so on, and the the things
Dr. Brad Miller::that you did to break out of that and you're
Dr. Brad Miller::fronted by friends, and your faith and so on.
Dr. Brad Miller::And that's awesome. Now you've written
Dr. Brad Miller::this book, and you've got some other things
Dr. Brad Miller::on your website, christinehandy.com, which
Dr. Brad Miller::people are going to find helpful. But I'm
Dr. Brad Miller::interested right now, Christine, if how you
Dr. Brad Miller::how you're teaching you you've mentioned
Dr. Brad Miller::being sharing your story and serving others,
Dr. Brad Miller::how your story has influenced other people,
Dr. Brad Miller::you know us many people come around you
Dr. Brad Miller::tell us a story or some sort of a testimonial
Dr. Brad Miller::about either through your book or through
Dr. Brad Miller::your teaching or through maybe just
Dr. Brad Miller::someone you've had some influence
Dr. Brad Miller::on that you've seen someone who's
Dr. Brad Miller::kind of ahead of their own aha moment,
Dr. Brad Miller::their own moment just her life. Tell us about that.
Christine Handy::But I have many, but I do like this one in particular.
Christine Handy::So I speak in the prison system in the state of
Christine Handy::Florida, which is where I live. And ironically, I
Christine Handy::was only hired to speak in male prisons, which
Christine Handy::I thought originally when I was speaking to
Christine Handy::male prisons, what what could I possibly bring
Christine Handy::to the table? And so my message is a story of
Christine Handy::hope. And so I would speak at this one particular
Christine Handy::prison, and there was probably 800 inmates. that
Christine Handy::would come listen to me. I did it like three times at
Christine Handy::this particular one. And you know they can prisoners
Christine Handy::can email you if you allow them through this app.
Christine Handy::And so this one particular prisoner would email
Christine Handy::me and he, he just took a liking to my story.
Christine Handy::And he was on his own faith journey. And he
Christine Handy::was getting out of prison after he had seen me.
Christine Handy::And so when he got out of prison, he reached
Christine Handy::out to me on social media, and he said, would
Christine Handy::you meet me at this pizza place? I have this
Christine Handy::idea that we could collaborate on doing
Christine Handy::something together. And I was like, Sure,
Christine Handy::no problem. So I had a lot of people who I said,
Christine Handy::I'm going to meet this person or at this pizza place.
Christine Handy::And they said, Don't do that. That's dangerous, or
Christine Handy::whatever, right? Like, that's the worldview of
Dr. Brad Miller::sure
Christine Handy::somebody coming out of prison.
Christine Handy::And I was like, That's ridiculous. Like,
Christine Handy::are we supposed to forgive? And aren't
Christine Handy::we supposed to be accepting and why are
Christine Handy::we judging and all these other things.
Christine Handy::So men might meet with this gentleman,
Christine Handy::and I got there and he was dressed in
Christine Handy::a suit. And he had a briefcase. And he
Christine Handy::opened up his briefcase. And he had all
Christine Handy::these ideas. He had all journaled all these
Christine Handy::ideas about starting a nonprofit in the town,
Christine Handy::city of Palm Beach County, and how to
Christine Handy::change the rate of recidivism. And he
Christine Handy::had an idea. And he said, I think you can
Christine Handy::help me do this. And so fast forward three
Christine Handy::years, we have a thriving, functioning nonprofit
Christine Handy::with 12 board members. And we are literally
Christine Handy::changing the focus of, you know, men who are
Christine Handy::getting out of prison system in Palm Beach County,
Christine Handy::and we are changing the landscape of recidivism.
Dr. Brad Miller::Well, that isn't, that's awesome, because that
Dr. Brad Miller::just share tells us that this has even now your
Dr. Brad Miller::journey hasn't been just for you, either. It's
Dr. Brad Miller::been for others. That's why you've written
Dr. Brad Miller::the book, you have this nonprofit that you've
Dr. Brad Miller::mentioned here that you're writing with, and
Dr. Brad Miller::you've got, you're working on a film that
Dr. Brad Miller::we're of your life that'll come out whenever
Dr. Brad Miller::it comes out. But just some cool things
Dr. Brad Miller::happening with you and, and that's an
Dr. Brad Miller::awesome, awesome thing. But the journey
Dr. Brad Miller::doesn't stop does it? It's an ongoing process.
Christine Handy::It doesn't stop, especially when you know,
Christine Handy::when you're faced with trauma. And listen,
Christine Handy::now all this sounds really easy and fine. It's
Christine Handy::not, like you said, it's a process and it takes
Christine Handy::a lot of time to change your to change your
Christine Handy::focus, right, which mine was different before
Christine Handy::takes a lot of time, a lot of patience and a lot
Christine Handy::of difficult choices. It's worth it. But you again,
Christine Handy::you you lose like certain people in your life.
Christine Handy::But it's also it's, you end up trying to figure
Christine Handy::out your own life. And it takes a lot of time,
Christine Handy::and you end up being alone in that space
Christine Handy::for a long time. And so for me, it was, you
Christine Handy::know, you don't faith based journeys are
Christine Handy::not always the easiest choice, wright? You
Christine Handy::know, because what the world tells us is just
Christine Handy::go by this or just go watch this or just go to
Christine Handy::this or if you get this many likes, or this many
Christine Handy::comments on social media, everything will be
Christine Handy::. But I only knew I knew that wasn't the case.
Dr. Brad Miller::There's no easy button is or that like they had
Dr. Brad Miller::one commercial use to be there's no being easy.
Christine Handy::Yeah, well, and working on your self esteem is hard.
Christine Handy::And I still work on mine every day. And it's a process.
Christine Handy::And self talk is hard. Because we have to really
Christine Handy::stop and take our thoughts captive and go,
Christine Handy::did I just say that about myself? Um, but
Christine Handy::you have to know that in order to stop them.
Dr. Brad Miller::Yeah. And no one is big, big part of it. and
Dr. Brad Miller::I are the audience of beyond adversity as
Dr. Brad Miller::folks who have had their challenges in life.
Dr. Brad Miller::And but they want to get better. They want
Dr. Brad Miller::to break out they want to do something
Dr. Brad Miller::different about it. They don't want to stay
Dr. Brad Miller::stuck, or in that downward spiral. Let's just
Dr. Brad Miller::say you're talking to a woman right now.
Dr. Brad Miller::And who's listening to our voices? who
Dr. Brad Miller::just needs a little bit of encouragement
Dr. Brad Miller::or needs a little different direction?
Dr. Brad Miller::What can they learn from, from Christine?
Dr. Brad Miller::Or maybe from the resources you have in your
Dr. Brad Miller::website? Or from your book? What kind of
Dr. Brad Miller::things can they learn from you that be helpful
Dr. Brad Miller::to them if they're in their own dark place?
Christine Handy::Well, I like to say this a lot, because it is true,
Christine Handy::but there is no u haul behind the hearse.
Christine Handy::And so if you're focused on the things
Christine Handy::and you think that's going to bring value
Christine Handy::to your life, I would get rid of those that
Christine Handy::thought and that mentality and that focus.
Christine Handy::Um, you know, I still feel paralyzed in some
Christine Handy::ways. Some days I do get anxious about
Christine Handy::getting cancer back and that exists in my
Christine Handy::life. But when I have those thoughts, or
Christine Handy::when I have those fears, or I go back into
Christine Handy::that anxiety, I literally stop myself and
Christine Handy::say, let go and let God and again, it's
Christine Handy::not a simple equation, but the more
Christine Handy::you do it, the more habit based it
Christine Handy::becomes. And so you're like, I'm not
Christine Handy::saying that my wife doesn't have adversity.
Christine Handy::It does and has a lot of traumas still have
Christine Handy::chronic pain. But my focus is as long as it
Christine Handy::remains on Scripture based things over
Christine Handy::long as I'm pouring into serving other
Christine Handy::, and teaching and leading, then I'm
Christine Handy::good with myself. And I can sleep easier
Christine Handy::at night and anxiety. It's not that goes
Christine Handy::go away completely, but it's lessons.
Dr. Brad Miller::So what the what does that person go
Dr. Brad Miller::to find at at your website or how's
Dr. Brad Miller::the best way that person can find out
Dr. Brad Miller::more about you?
Christine Handy::Well, my website offers a lot of interviews
Christine Handy::and motivational speeches that I've done,
Christine Handy::that are just teaching people, you know,
Christine Handy::kind of what I've learned and how I've done it.
Christine Handy::And hopefully, they can take some value
Christine Handy::ads from that. I, you know, I don't like
Christine Handy::push my book on anyone because some
Christine Handy::people don't like to read and they get it
Christine Handy::better from audio stuff. So you know, just
Christine Handy::doing what you're doing is incredible,
Christine Handy::because you're offering up stories of
Christine Handy::people who have real life issues and
Christine Handy::trauma and, and that makes somebody
Christine Handy::not feel so alone in their own difficulties.
Dr. Brad Miller::Well, that's, that's awesome for you to
Dr. Brad Miller::share that and I want to share them
Dr. Brad Miller::that your your website is christinehandy.com
Dr. Brad Miller::C,H, R, I, S, T, I, N E, H, A, N, D, Y.com. Lots of
Dr. Brad Miller::great resources there that you provide. And,
Dr. Brad Miller::and you got a great story to tell and needs to
Dr. Brad Miller::be told it needs to be, it needs to be told. And
Dr. Brad Miller::I'll just say that this struck me just today, when
Dr. Brad Miller::I was looking through some my own social
Dr. Brad Miller::media, Facebook and that type of thing, a
Dr. Brad Miller::person that I know was dealing with a family
Dr. Brad Miller::member, a young woman who was dealing
Dr. Brad Miller::with depression, and considering ending
Dr. Brad Miller::her life, and this was kind of a cry for help
Dr. Brad Miller::from a parent in this type of thing. I don't
Dr. Brad Miller::know the whole story, but I would not be
Dr. Brad Miller::surprised at all if there was, you know,
Dr. Brad Miller::social media and Instagram and all kinds
Dr. Brad Miller::of stuff involved with that. And
Christine Handy::yeah
Dr. Brad Miller::we just need perspective. You
Dr. Brad Miller::know, you got to have perspective
Dr. Brad Miller::that and occasionally to get perspective,
Dr. Brad Miller::we have to be brought down a notch
Dr. Brad Miller::or two in order to build ourselves up
Dr. Brad Miller::and let your story and appreciate your story.
Christine Handy::Yeah, my pleasure. Thank you.
Dr. Brad Miller::Yes. Our guest today on Beyond Adversity
Dr. Brad Miller::with Dr. Brad Miller: has been the author
Dr. Brad Miller::of Walk Beside Me, Christine Handy.
Dr. Brad Miller::Thank you for being our guest today on
Dr. Brad Miller::Beyond adversity.