143. Through the Storm of Early Trauma: Healing and Overcoming by Roberta “Byrdy” Lynn

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Byrdy Lynn the author of “Through the Storm of Early Trauma: Healing and Overcoming” is Dr. Brad Miller’s guest on Episode 143 of The Beyond Adversity Podcast.

Byrdy Lynn goes into great depth in this conversation about the traumatic events in her early childhood, which led her into some dark places, and describes how she overcame and healed from these traumas to successfully speak into the lives of others similarly traumatized through her work and her book.

She states in her book:

“The next chapter in your life is going to be the best chapter of your life because your breakthrough of empowerment begins now.”

These words end the preface and begin the reader’s journey into the life and mind of Byrdy Lynn. From a profoundly troubled childhood come unflinchingly honest stories of abuse, neglect,

violence, isolation, and blatant racism—a litany of events that left the author suffering from PTSD and suicidal depression.

As in any life, there are moments of brightness, but these are few and far between.

Nonetheless, Through the Storm of Early Trauma is not told from a place of anger or

resentment. Instead, it speaks with the voice of hope—that others who have lived such stories,

and who are living those stories today, will find their own inner strength to seek the help they need and deserve.

Byrdy Lynn is the proud mother of one son, who is attending college for industrial engineering.

She is also CEO and Founder of REAME LLC, a real estate technology company, and

Byrdylynn, a publishing company. Byrdy sits on the national IREM Foundation Board and

actively volunteers with the Real Estate Associate Program. She holds a BA from the University

of Texas at Arlington.

Byrdy enjoys entrepreneurship and strategizing new ways to make a positive difference in people’s lives. She attends Alfred Street Baptist Church virtually and has been a member since 2013. Her greatest joy lies in seeing others become happy and self-sufficient, finding peace in their own stories.

Byrdy Lynn blogs at www.byrdylynn.com

The Beyond Adversity Podcast is published weekly by Dr. Brad Miller for the expressed purpose to help people identify and navigate debilitating adverse life events and emerge to a new life of peace, prosperity, and purpose.

April 2021

Dr. Brad Miller

drbradmiller.com

Author Byrdy Lynn

Transcript
Brad Miller:

Dr. Brad Miller here on beyond adversity the

Brad Miller:

podcast where we help you to navigate adverse conditions to

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your life, any merge to your promise life a peace,

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prosperity, a purpose. We do that for teaching and leadership

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and talking with great leaders and authors who in their own

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life in their own right, have navigated some form of adverse

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conditions in their life and birdie Lin is the author of

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through the storm of early trauma. And just as the title

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indicates, she's going to share with us some really, really

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difficult things that she had to deal with in her life, involving

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abuse and neglect and violence and isolation and racism, which

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is going to be talking about that. She comes to us from the

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from the world of real estate and technology and publishing.

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And she, her goal is to help to make a positive difference in

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people's lives. We welcome to the podcast, Bertie Lin.

Byrdy Lynn:

Hello, thank you for having me. Awesome.

Brad Miller:

So glad to have you with us. Bernie, your, your

Brad Miller:

story, I've read a little bit about your story, your story is

Brad Miller:

very profound, and it's going to be helpful to our audience. I

Brad Miller:

know. And our audience is all about folks who have always had

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to deal with some form of adversity, and yet they want to

Brad Miller:

get through it, they don't want to be stuck anymore. So the

Brad Miller:

title of your book is through the storm of early trauma. So

Brad Miller:

tell us a little bit about what what led you to write this book

Brad Miller:

some of the experiences of your life, which led you to this

Brad Miller:

point in life,

Byrdy Lynn:

for sure. Um, and first of all, thank you, Brad,

Byrdy Lynn:

for having me on the show, I'm honored. And I'm, you know, just

Byrdy Lynn:

glad to be here, I'm the, this, you know, what led me to write

Byrdy Lynn:

the book was a lot of encouraging. And to share my

Byrdy Lynn:

story, because I did not want to. Yeah, I'm very private

Byrdy Lynn:

person. And I grew up as a Minister's kid, and when my dad

Byrdy Lynn:

eventually got a pastoral position, and so, I was on,

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always, things were kept in the family. And even if you were

Byrdy Lynn:

inside the family, and you didn't agree with something, you

Byrdy Lynn:

were shut down, he didn't have a voice. So, um, that wasn't

Byrdy Lynn:

something that I, I didn't know, I would ever write a book. But I

Byrdy Lynn:

think there were provisions and things that just fell into place

Byrdy Lynn:

that, that this happened. So, um, but I didn't realize a lot

Byrdy Lynn:

of these, you know, things that happened to me, I was younger,

Byrdy Lynn:

more following me that they were, I thought that, because I

Byrdy Lynn:

wasn't dealing with them in the present. And that I didn't feel

Byrdy Lynn:

that they were affecting me, you know, through my 20s and to my

Byrdy Lynn:

early 30s. Um, I think as I started to get towards my late

Byrdy Lynn:

30s, I started to kind of reflect a little bit on life.

Byrdy Lynn:

And, you know, started to notice that things start to hit me. And

Byrdy Lynn:

so I began dealing with it in my own way.

Brad Miller:

You might share with us about how old you were

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when some of these events happened to you. And with this

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couples level viewfield what types of trauma impacted your

Brad Miller:

life?

Byrdy Lynn:

Yeah, so I was six years old when my older sister

Byrdy Lynn:

began molesting me. And that lasted for about a year, year

Byrdy Lynn:

and a half. And that, that was turmoil just dealing with

Byrdy Lynn:

accepting that lifestyle. Um, and I call it lifestyle because

Byrdy Lynn:

I had to, you know, I was always in hiding. I was always ashamed.

Byrdy Lynn:

I lost all confidence. As a little girl. I almost felt it

Byrdy Lynn:

was almost as if I felt naked. So I was like, I remember one

Byrdy Lynn:

time, like, I had clothes on, but I feel like I didn't, right

Byrdy Lynn:

so I can relate to in Genesis, we're, after Adam and Eve, take

Byrdy Lynn:

a bite of the apple, what do they do they, they all of a

Byrdy Lynn:

sudden realize that, you know, oh my gosh, I'm naked. And they

Byrdy Lynn:

try to you know, close themselves and I think

Brad Miller:

shame overcame them and

Byrdy Lynn:

as zactly and that's what what overcame me as a

Byrdy Lynn:

little girl. And I didn't feel that I could connect with people

Byrdy Lynn:

how I had before so I lost that zeal, and then innocence.

Brad Miller:

Wow, it's so high. What ways you said that you

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thought you had kind of managed this into your 20s into your 30s

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But obviously something happened that somewhere along the line,

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something emerged or something manifested itself in your life.

Brad Miller:

And so, something must have happened to you in later life

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where these old memories began to impact you. Can you say

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something about? About that?

Byrdy Lynn:

Yeah, so I was actually having nightmares. I

Byrdy Lynn:

would wake up in night sweats, um, and fear would grip me at

Byrdy Lynn:

night. Um, now my oldest sister at this time when this was

Byrdy Lynn:

occurring was in prison. There was no way she could come and

Byrdy Lynn:

get me. But I would wake up in night sweats, thinking she was

Byrdy Lynn:

somewhere in the room ready to, you know, attack. Um, and so I

Byrdy Lynn:

don't know what those were the nightmares that I would always

Byrdy Lynn:

have.

Brad Miller:

So with these wake, it was like night terrors would

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you know, literally wake you up, and you would be your heart

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racing and all that type of thing.

Byrdy Lynn:

And I couldn't go back to sleep. I had a lot of

Byrdy Lynn:

anxiety. I had panic attacks. So just literally, like shaking

Byrdy Lynn:

inside of my game, just, I don't know if like, if you've ever

Byrdy Lynn:

been shivered, then you're cold. It's kind of like that on the

Byrdy Lynn:

inside with the anxiety. So that started to get bad. And I

Byrdy Lynn:

remember, I just can't take it anymore. And I picked up the

Byrdy Lynn:

phone and I talked to my mom. Okay. And I told her what

Byrdy Lynn:

happened. And she didn't

Brad Miller:

know what to say. Just to hit the pause just for a

Brad Miller:

second there. You told her. You told her what happened? Do you

Brad Miller:

mean about the night terrors? That type of thing? Or about

Brad Miller:

what had happened to you earlier in life? Was she aware with you?

Brad Miller:

It happened earlier life was just a revelation to her when

Brad Miller:

you were an adult, too. So just unpack that scenario a little

Brad Miller:

bit?

Byrdy Lynn:

Yeah, so it was a revelation to her and my father.

Byrdy Lynn:

Um, because I was kept telling him I was having these these

Byrdy Lynn:

nightmares, and imaginings, and they just don't understand why.

Byrdy Lynn:

And they're like, oh, we'll pray. And then finally, I was

Byrdy Lynn:

just like, you know, I just had to tell them because it was

Byrdy Lynn:

starting to weigh on me. I'm just dealing with the shame. So

Byrdy Lynn:

when I told my mom, she didn't take the news quite well. She

Byrdy Lynn:

didn't understand why wouldn't I say something? And I didn't know

Byrdy Lynn:

what to sell her. I was like, I was scared. Like, I thought, you

Byrdy Lynn:

know, just all these things that you think when you're a little

Byrdy Lynn:

girl

Brad Miller:

with shame and fear a powerful powerful forces,

Brad Miller:

aren't they? And no matter what age we are, particularly your

Brad Miller:

little girl, so Wow, so was your trauma, your early childhood

Brad Miller:

trauma? Was it so obvious is impacting your relation with

Brad Miller:

your parents? Because you hit it from them for so long? And then

Brad Miller:

your night terrors? So one? Was it impacting any other

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relationships, your life, your work, your other relationships?

Brad Miller:

Anything else? Was it impacting how you functioned? I guess what

Brad Miller:

I'm getting at?

Byrdy Lynn:

Absolutely. Um, so I'm more I think I was more in

Byrdy Lynn:

survivor mode in my 20s. I just kind of survived every day. I

Byrdy Lynn:

didn't. Um, it was like, I was living for my son. He's, he's

Byrdy Lynn:

18. Now he'll be 19 in March, but I was like, I was living for

Byrdy Lynn:

him. And I that's all I knew. Um, so with, with, I think,

Byrdy Lynn:

like, here in there. Like, when I had time to think about it

Byrdy Lynn:

here and there, I'd be. I I didn't, I didn't have very good

Byrdy Lynn:

relationships with with men. And I think I was I was single for

Byrdy Lynn:

seven years in my 20s. I didn't date, um, one of my friends

Byrdy Lynn:

thought I was a Muslim. Because when she met me, in my early

Byrdy Lynn:

20s, I wore clothes that covered my whole body.

Unknown:

I see.

Byrdy Lynn:

You know, so she, that that was

Brad Miller:

a little bit of a shame, but other things are

Brad Miller:

manifesting itself in how you're dressed in relationship with

Brad Miller:

man, this type of thing.

Byrdy Lynn:

Well, I was raped three times. And when I was 17,

Byrdy Lynn:

and so I I hated men. And I didn't want them to look at me.

Byrdy Lynn:

I didn't want to man I hated my body. I felt ashamed that I was

Byrdy Lynn:

that I had body parts that attracted people that would want

Byrdy Lynn:

to hurt me. And so I just, every time I would see a man at my

Byrdy Lynn:

lower my eyes, or I wouldn't look or avoid eye contact.

Brad Miller:

No, you had abuse as a child in rape, ultimate

Brad Miller:

abuse as a young woman. Wow. And so this impacted you and all

Brad Miller:

these kinds ways and did you ever become? Did you ever?

Brad Miller:

You've described it in many ways, but do you ever find

Brad Miller:

yourself kind of slipping into depression or perhaps even

Brad Miller:

being, you know, wanting to hurt yourself and things like this

Byrdy Lynn:

all the time. So depression is full expression is

Byrdy Lynn:

hard. Um, I, when, from the time that I was very outgoing, very

Byrdy Lynn:

outgoing, I remember when I was five, I just remember that. I've

Byrdy Lynn:

never gotten back to that, you know, little girl that was

Byrdy Lynn:

outgoing and confident. And, and I lost a lot of confidence,

Byrdy Lynn:

obviously. But also with the Drew, I withdrew inside, you

Byrdy Lynn:

know, I'm became introverted inside myself and in my, in my

Byrdy Lynn:

own thoughts. And that took over even more so after I was raped,

Byrdy Lynn:

because I had just found my voice and then retrieved and

Byrdy Lynn:

went back in. Wow. So yeah, I, I spent a lot of nights just by

Byrdy Lynn:

myself, I'd play with my son, as soon as he would go to bed. I

Byrdy Lynn:

would cry.

Brad Miller:

You might be asking about how old you were when

Brad Miller:

you're when your son came into your life?

Byrdy Lynn:

Yeah, who I was 19. Okay. I was 20 because we are

Byrdy Lynn:

exactly 10 years apart.

Brad Miller:

So, being a young mother on top of everything

Brad Miller:

else, you know, so that becomes the focus of your life in many

Brad Miller:

ways took that so? Well, it's, it's all this stuff happened to

Brad Miller:

you. So what did you do? How did you cope at all during those?

Brad Miller:

during that time of your life? How did you even function?

Byrdy Lynn:

Well, I have to tell you, um, what is it? Is this

Byrdy Lynn:

when I was younger, or adult? Well,

Brad Miller:

let's just let's take a month for when you were

Brad Miller:

younger, how did you cope when you were younger?

Byrdy Lynn:

So when I was younger, I found ways to remain

Byrdy Lynn:

normal. Okay, so I couldn't tell anybody. I didn't know. You

Byrdy Lynn:

know, I didn't know what to do. And so I would play with my

Byrdy Lynn:

Barbie dolls. I play with my Barbie doll Simone, I had a

Byrdy Lynn:

favorite one. And she was my best friend. And I was talking

Byrdy Lynn:

to her and she knew everything. And so having some on there,

Byrdy Lynn:

even though someone can physically talk to me, I would

Byrdy Lynn:

say the things that I knew I wanted to hear. And that's how

Byrdy Lynn:

I, I felt normal. Um, I also would, I was a gamer. I was

Byrdy Lynn:

always playing Super Mario Brothers Star Trek, you name it.

Byrdy Lynn:

Like, I was lost in that. I found things to, I even felt

Byrdy Lynn:

like coloring in like art. Like, I found this to step outside of

Byrdy Lynn:

that reality,

Brad Miller:

a little bit of a fantasy world. distractions and

Brad Miller:

various things. Yeah. So when you're a little bit old, or some

Brad Miller:

of the you're a teenager, and in your 20s, what were some of the

Brad Miller:

coping mechanisms that you use that

Byrdy Lynn:

sports, like, if I wasn't doing any of those

Byrdy Lynn:

outlets, I was running. I ran, I ran out, I raised the kids in

Byrdy Lynn:

the neighborhood, I ran track, elementary, middle school, high

Byrdy Lynn:

school, you know, a little bit into college. So Alright,

Brad Miller:

so we're talking about competitive running. Okay.

Brad Miller:

So you in that world you can do that involve, you know, some

Brad Miller:

discipline, a distraction and some focus in order to have any

Brad Miller:

success whatsoever. But all this happen, and you had dealt with

Brad Miller:

your parents, and you've had your night sweats and so on. But

Brad Miller:

you're in a different place now, aren't you, you're in a much

Brad Miller:

better place. And you wrote this book, and now you're trying to

Brad Miller:

be, you know, trying, you are being helpful to other people.

Brad Miller:

So, what happened? What kind of actions? What kind of things did

Brad Miller:

you do to, for lack of a better terminology to break out of this

Brad Miller:

funk? And to get you into a healthier state? What were some

Brad Miller:

of the actions that you took?

Byrdy Lynn:

Yeah, so, and I, I spell these actions out in my

Byrdy Lynn:

workbook, actually. Because I wanted to really be transparent

Byrdy Lynn:

as to the process, because a lot of people here, here's what

Byrdy Lynn:

happened, but they don't know how to move forward past what

Byrdy Lynn:

happened. So one of the things that I did is I recognized I was

Byrdy Lynn:

in pain. And I recognize that there's a problem. And then I,

Byrdy Lynn:

you know, then I had to acknowledge it. When I'm being

Byrdy Lynn:

acknowledged, because a lot of people like or doesn't recognize

Byrdy Lynn:

and acknowledge the same it's not not for me, it wasn't I may

Byrdy Lynn:

have recognized that there was an issue, but did I want to face

Byrdy Lynn:

it and deal with it? No, I would run from it. And so once I

Byrdy Lynn:

recognized it, and then I acknowledged Okay, this applies

Byrdy Lynn:

to me. Then I was able to kind of like identify, okay, Let me

Byrdy Lynn:

identify what's bothering me. And really digging deep inside

Byrdy Lynn:

myself. And then once I did that, it was understanding, you

Byrdy Lynn:

know, understanding the why behind what happened. So at one

Byrdy Lynn:

point, like with my sister, I wrote her and confronted her.

Byrdy Lynn:

And you know, you did this and you hurt me. Why did you do

Byrdy Lynn:

this?

Brad Miller:

So was it just the inner work, there was actually

Brad Miller:

some tangible outward focus work, you know, as you express

Brad Miller:

yourself to your sister,

Byrdy Lynn:

okay, I had to face her, I had to confront her

Byrdy Lynn:

because it bothered me, she, she really turned around my life

Byrdy Lynn:

when she did that, and really kind of, you know, changed the

Byrdy Lynn:

person. And you know, that I was, because it affected me. And

Byrdy Lynn:

so after I did that, I had to forgive myself, what I didn't

Byrdy Lynn:

realize is that I had been angry and mad at myself for not

Byrdy Lynn:

telling for not finding the strength to say something. And,

Byrdy Lynn:

honestly, who would have known what to do? Right? So, I mean,

Byrdy Lynn:

yes, it's easy to say, Tell someone, but when you have

Byrdy Lynn:

pressures, like, you know, I've watched my watch my dad

Byrdy Lynn:

physically abusing my sister, I thought he would kill her, if I,

Byrdy Lynn:

if I said something, you know, um, so if

Brad Miller:

there was some legitimate fear and concern, and

Brad Miller:

all kinds of other family dynamic stuff going on here,

Byrdy Lynn:

yeah, I have to forgive myself, and then

Byrdy Lynn:

forgive, forgive her and forgive others, you know, even in the

Byrdy Lynn:

rape, just for forgiving. So, um, and then I feel like once

Byrdy Lynn:

you truly forgive, and you forgive yourself, you forgive

Byrdy Lynn:

others, then you can take the steps to move forward. And you

Byrdy Lynn:

have to speak the truth. If you don't speak the truth, you

Byrdy Lynn:

don't, I mean, get a journal, write it down and tell the truth

Byrdy Lynn:

in the journal or go to a counselor, or go to your pastor

Byrdy Lynn:

or go, you know, to someone and say, This is what happened, let

Byrdy Lynn:

me share my story. And you say the whole truth, don't hold

Byrdy Lynn:

back. Because if you do, then you're still telling a part of

Byrdy Lynn:

the story, and you'll never fully heal, and it's a vicious

Byrdy Lynn:

cycle. So once you do that, then you'll feel that burden lift,

Byrdy Lynn:

and you'll be able to find that freedom free from shame, and be

Byrdy Lynn:

fearless and move forward.

Brad Miller:

And so you did also what I'm hearing at least three

Brad Miller:

or four very tangible things that you did you did your inner

Brad Miller:

work, confronting your, you know, being honest with

Brad Miller:

yourself, you wrote the letter to your sister, you did some

Brad Miller:

journaling. He talked about talking to counselors, and or

Brad Miller:

pastors. So we're talking about practical steps people can take

Brad Miller:

and so let's talk a little bit more about that in our life a

Brad Miller:

little bit in terms of, I believe, people change when they

Brad Miller:

not only can go inward, through their own self identity and

Brad Miller:

their own self self processing, but also, did you call upon any

Brad Miller:

kind of higher power, spirituality, prayer,

Brad Miller:

meditation, anything along this line? To help you have

Brad Miller:

resources, the power to make these changes? And tell us a

Brad Miller:

little bit about that?

Byrdy Lynn:

Absolutely. When I was, I just, I didn't know what

Byrdy Lynn:

to do. And I think, you know, um, you know, I don't know how

Byrdy Lynn:

much longer I could have lasted in the state that I was in, when

Byrdy Lynn:

all the sexual abuse was happening. And I just remember,

Byrdy Lynn:

is this what my life is gonna be like? Because it's what? And I

Byrdy Lynn:

just remember wanting to, you know, and also craving time to

Byrdy Lynn:

like, be with my dad and out of that environment, right? Because

Byrdy Lynn:

we hardly got a chance to spend with him being a pastor

Byrdy Lynn:

yourself, you know, that it takes any time and, you know,

Byrdy Lynn:

and so, um, you know, I remember, Hey, can I walk with

Byrdy Lynn:

you? And he was like, you know, yeah, and we went for that walk.

Byrdy Lynn:

And I saw this gorgeous sunset. And that's one thing I always

Byrdy Lynn:

will always respect about my father is that he did not force

Byrdy Lynn:

a doubt on us. I knew God for myself, I made that decision by

Byrdy Lynn:

myself. And I asked God, when I finally started to question I'm

Byrdy Lynn:

like, Okay, so, you know, dad told me, you know, you're like,

Byrdy Lynn:

all powerful, like, you can do this. And you can do that and

Byrdy Lynn:

like, you know, and I'll never forget it. I'll even explain the

Byrdy Lynn:

moment I had my Barbie doll Simone sitting down and we were

Byrdy Lynn:

reading the Bible. And I just, I started crying, and I just

Byrdy Lynn:

remember I'm just like, God, please, please help me, help me.

Byrdy Lynn:

And I just remember that Not too long after that I gave my life

Byrdy Lynn:

to Christ Hanley Baptist Church. And, um, you know, my dad

Byrdy Lynn:

baptized me. And shortly after that, like, I kept, you know,

Byrdy Lynn:

having Bible study and praying and worshiping God and, and

Byrdy Lynn:

having, you know that time and it weirded my sister out. And it

Byrdy Lynn:

weirded her out so much she stopped, you know, forcing me to

Byrdy Lynn:

do things. And, and she just, it's like, she just got, you

Byrdy Lynn:

know, some other distractions. Okay. And so it stopped.

Brad Miller:

Where you, that's awesome, you know, and that that

Brad Miller:

was a real manifestation of your calling upon that higher power

Brad Miller:

in your life and God for that, and you've mentioned some

Brad Miller:

unhealthy relationships that you had, and some of the dynamics

Brad Miller:

that you had with your sister and some other folks. Were there

Brad Miller:

any healthy relationships, any community building? Anybody else

Brad Miller:

who came in your life in? How do you think about in terms of the

Brad Miller:

importance of healthy loving and encouraging relationships, and

Brad Miller:

helping people transform and get healthy?

Byrdy Lynn:

Yeah, um, so, um, I have a really good friend, my

Byrdy Lynn:

best seats, accoya, she was there a day I tried to take, you

Byrdy Lynn:

know, take my life. I tried to slip both of my wrists and I

Byrdy Lynn:

just saw blood, and I just kept scraping, because the kids were

Byrdy Lynn:

teasing and taunting me. And I didn't want to be here anymore.

Byrdy Lynn:

And, um, and she was there for me and the nurses office that

Byrdy Lynn:

day, and her dad who happened to be a pastor came in, and they

Byrdy Lynn:

kind of just took me in, and, you know, loved on me. And I

Byrdy Lynn:

needed that, because it really saved my soul. Um, and then, you

Byrdy Lynn:

know, I've had two other pastors wives that, you know, saw the

Byrdy Lynn:

distress and knew a little bit more than other church members

Byrdy Lynn:

knew because of the relationship that their husbands had with my

Byrdy Lynn:

father, but they loved on me, and protected me, and helped me

Byrdy Lynn:

find my voice. So those relationships were very

Byrdy Lynn:

meaningful and impactful to me, during those, those times,

Byrdy Lynn:

although I couldn't be as honest, right. Or as truthful

Byrdy Lynn:

with them about what I was really dealing with. They, you

Byrdy Lynn:

know, they could they were inside, there was enough

Byrdy Lynn:

information that they were able to kind of put their arm around

Byrdy Lynn:

me and help me.

Brad Miller:

But part of that you were received some healthy

Brad Miller:

relationship and some healthy attention. That became a process

Brad Miller:

of helping you to navigate, you know, this, this drama and this

Brad Miller:

trauma in your life. And so you've come to a better place.

Brad Miller:

Now you've written this book, you you're offering things to

Brad Miller:

other people, you're serving others now. So what would you

Brad Miller:

say are some of the habits or disciplines or processes that

Brad Miller:

you lay out on your book or in your life that can be helpful to

Brad Miller:

other people now who may have had trauma or, you know, some

Brad Miller:

sort of adversity in their life? What are some self disciplines?

Byrdy Lynn:

So I'd say, um, you know, God, first and foremost,

Byrdy Lynn:

like, I mean, I, I would not be able to do this without prayer

Byrdy Lynn:

and meditation, and focus on the word. Um, you know, and, and so,

Byrdy Lynn:

you know, that's one, but then another one is going to be

Byrdy Lynn:

loving, loving yourself, making sure that you're taking time out

Byrdy Lynn:

for you, whatever it is, um, can you give me an example what

Brad Miller:

that what that means for you to love yourself.

Byrdy Lynn:

So I had to learn to start loving myself by giving

Byrdy Lynn:

myself time I was all I was a busy body. I was making sure

Byrdy Lynn:

that I was doing this and then I'm involved in this and then

Byrdy Lynn:

volunteering here and there. And it was to avoid me. And so when

Byrdy Lynn:

I stopped avoiding me and started paying attention, it was

Byrdy Lynn:

either that that nice bubble bath with you know, candles and

Byrdy Lynn:

just reading a book, right? Or it was, you know, sitting down

Byrdy Lynn:

and watching a movie I've always wanted to watch or, you know,

Byrdy Lynn:

just doing whatever it is that I wanted to do, and not for any

Byrdy Lynn:

particular reason, but just to be happy. And do it. Thank God

Byrdy Lynn:

that I was able to do it. When you do that, you just It feels

Byrdy Lynn:

good, you know?

Brad Miller:

Okay, well just kind of bring this thing full

Brad Miller:

circle. You've written this book, who's this book for and if

Brad Miller:

someone picks it up, if I refer When I spoke to someone, what

Brad Miller:

are they going to find there, that's going to be helpful to

Brad Miller:

them.

Byrdy Lynn:

So this book is my, you know, it's my target

Byrdy Lynn:

audience is women, you know, 32 to 50. But really, trauma hits

Byrdy Lynn:

everybody, but I have to narrow it. You know, but, um, you know,

Byrdy Lynn:

that's my target audience just because, you know, I am a woman,

Byrdy Lynn:

I can't say I can relate to, you know, a man and what he would go

Byrdy Lynn:

through, but as a woman, I feel as though, um, I owe it to

Byrdy Lynn:

another woman to say, hey, unfortunately, I've experienced

Byrdy Lynn:

these things.

Brad Miller:

Well, if you if you're if you have a certain

Brad Miller:

impact a 35 year old woman, it impacts her husband and kids and

Brad Miller:

other people too. So, you know, that's part we're talking about

Brad Miller:

here. So yeah,

Byrdy Lynn:

and, and, and they're not alone. I think shame

Byrdy Lynn:

and fear make you feel as if you're alone, and you're not. So

Byrdy Lynn:

if you're, you're experiencing trauma, you're you had passion

Byrdy Lynn:

on my air life and know that, that past trauma didn't go

Byrdy Lynn:

anywhere, unless you took the necessary steps for it to leave.

Byrdy Lynn:

Otherwise, it's just hanging in the background, compartmentalize

Byrdy Lynn:

until you, you know, make the purposeful movement. And it's a

Byrdy Lynn:

very cathartic moment that, you know, would have to continue to

Byrdy Lynn:

address it. If you're going to cry, you're going to be angry,

Byrdy Lynn:

you're going to be upset, you're going to experience all these

Byrdy Lynn:

emotions. But

Brad Miller:

if you have any, you have any experiences from

Brad Miller:

people that may have read your book, or that you've worked

Brad Miller:

with, personally, I'd like to hear good news stories. I can

Brad Miller:

maybe someone who's been influenced by your work. Well,

Byrdy Lynn:

I will say, there. I mean, I haven't heard too much

Byrdy Lynn:

yet. Besides, you know, I've had like, my, one of my old pastors

Byrdy Lynn:

read it. One of my my friend and a few friends. And they've come

Byrdy Lynn:

back and they're just like, I, I didn't, I didn't even know, you

Byrdy Lynn:

know, and it's just like, I'm, I'm still, you know, they're

Byrdy Lynn:

like, they're sorry, but then they're like, but this is

Byrdy Lynn:

amazing. Um, there was someone who told me, they couldn't put

Byrdy Lynn:

the book down. And the reason why was because they had no,

Byrdy Lynn:

like, the next thing that, I guess that I mentioned, that I

Byrdy Lynn:

was going through, was like, how did you get through this one is

Byrdy Lynn:

like, I never, they told me I never like, like, I just kept

Byrdy Lynn:

some, it's like, I would get knocked down. But I would get

Byrdy Lynn:

right back up and keep finding a way to keep going. And I didn't,

Byrdy Lynn:

I guess me living? I didn't really look at that. You know,

Byrdy Lynn:

like it, you know, from that perspective, but I can tell you,

Byrdy Lynn:

I was a survivor. So I always knew that I'm going to get

Byrdy Lynn:

through this moment, I'm going to power through this moment, no

Byrdy Lynn:

matter what you can tell me no, this could happen. But, you

Byrdy Lynn:

know, no way. I'm not giving up anymore. You know,

Brad Miller:

what a witness who your readers and other people

Brad Miller:

that you can serve and because here's what we do know burry on

Brad Miller:

my own. I've been in ministry for 40 years and, and worked

Brad Miller:

with my share of people who've had abuse of many of them too

Brad Miller:

much early, early in their life, and throughout their life. It's

Brad Miller:

a huge need. It's a huge common experience. And it's under the

Brad Miller:

surface in so many ways. Like you mentioned, it was, you know,

Brad Miller:

kind of erupted once in a while and, you know, in your life, I

Brad Miller:

think, really, I think it's not an uncommon thing for it to be

Brad Miller:

submerged to come out. It's a man, you know, sometimes it's

Brad Miller:

really tragic ways. And so thank you for writing this book and

Brad Miller:

tell people a little bit more about how they can get your book

Brad Miller:

and find out more about you if they want to learn more about

Brad Miller:

how you your book and your your life can serve them.

Byrdy Lynn:

Absolutely. So you can find me on birdie land calm,

Byrdy Lynn:

so that's B as in boy y r d as in dog, y l y in in.com. And on

Byrdy Lynn:

there will be all my social media handles. So I'm on

Byrdy Lynn:

Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and in LinkedIn. And

Byrdy Lynn:

you know, I have a blog on there I have we have like swag gear. I

Byrdy Lynn:

have a logo that I created with one of my art graphic artists

Byrdy Lynn:

Katie cousins, she's awesome. It's a it's a woman's face, but

Byrdy Lynn:

it's all connected. So if you look at it, she started at one

Byrdy Lynn:

point and didn't let up until the butterflies antenna. And so

Byrdy Lynn:

I thought that was just amazing. But that's on there. The I

Byrdy Lynn:

developed a workbook through this early trauma workbook that

Byrdy Lynn:

is just take a deeper dive the process your feelings, you know,

Byrdy Lynn:

something I wanted to feel as a warm embrace as if I'm there,

Byrdy Lynn:

like with you so

Brad Miller:

well that's, that's great. Thank you for sharing

Brad Miller:

that. We'll put the links the links to that in our show notes

Brad Miller:

at Dr. Brad miller.com. You've been our guest here today on

Brad Miller:

beyond adversity. I would like to leave folks with this quote

Brad Miller:

from you that I think is a good one. And it's from your book is

Brad Miller:

as the next chapter of your life is going to be the best chapter

Brad Miller:

of your life because your breakthrough of empowerment

Brad Miller:

begins now. So birdie land thank you for your empowering words

Brad Miller:

here today and for being our guest on beyond adversity. With

The Beyond Adversity Podcast is published weekly by Dr. Brad Miller for the expressed purpose to help people identify and navigate debilitating adverse life events and emerge to a new life of peace, prosperity, and purpose.
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