How to Overcome Self-Sabotage with Susie Hayes Author of “FREED from Stuck! Part 2

Susie has a Master’s Degree in Counseling and a Master’s Degree in Education with a B.A in Special Education. She has been in private practice since 1982 in Denver, Colorado.

As an acclaimed and registered Psychotherapist, Susie is a member of the International Board of Clinical Practitioners and the Colorado Association of Psychotherapists. Susie developed and directed two counselling centers in Wheat Ridge and Littleton, providing counseling and educational services to individuals, couples and families in the community.

Susie authored the award-winning book “FREED from Stuck! Dare to Cross the Bridge Beyond Grief, Trauma, and Self-Sabotage to Discover Lasting Change Now” which deep dives into the 6-step F.R.E.E.D method she developed to help people move across the bridge beyond grief, trauma, and self-sabotage from all walks of life.

In this episode, Susie talks about the process she developed to help people be unstuck. Susie elaborates on the meaning of her acronym F.R.E.E.D, which is the five elements needed to be unstuck. Furthermore, Susie explains the questions she used for her readers and clients to manage themselves on their journey.

Susie talks to Dr Brad about her book, in which she developed the process to help people from being stuck to being unstuck. The acronym F.R.E.E.D means that you need to Face, Recognize, Embrace and Exit the bridge, ultimately reaching your destination while uncovering your Destiny.

Reading the book FREED from Stuck! Will help its readers recognize they deserve the highest quality of life. It is their responsibility for their life, not other people’s. Aside from that, the book’s main goal is to help people face the truth of their life and discover their identities.

Susie shares the story of one of her clients who has been through a challenging relationship and eventually divorced. But this woman had successfully crossed the bridge. She is now a divorce coach and thriving in her real estate business.

Susie Hayes’s story is a transformational testament that it takes more than just courage to walk away from the pain and suffering—you must be willing to ask difficult questions and face the tough answers. More than that, let go of things that are important to you.

Episode 260 of The Beyond Adversity Podcast is a must-listen for people who are stuck—people who don’t know what to do and doubt their purpose in life and have trouble facing the hard truth in front of them.

“The Beyond Adversity Podcast with Dr. Brad Miller is published weekly with the mission of helping people “Grow Through What They Go Through” as they navigate adversity and discover their promised life of peace, prosperity, and purpose. |

Freed from Stuck Quiz:

Freed From Stuck Book:






Dr. Brad Miller 0:00

Other resources. Let's go there for a second

Dr. Brad Miller 0:02

in terms of some of the resources that you talked

Dr. Brad Miller 0:05

about the process that you talk about, I know you

Dr. Brad Miller 0:08

have a process you talk about in your book.

Dr. Brad Miller 0:10

And that's where I like to talk about, you know,

Dr. Brad Miller 0:12

some of the strategies or habits or processes

Dr. Brad Miller 0:16

that you advocate that people go through, and

Dr. Brad Miller 0:19

maybe with through yourself. And so let's go

Dr. Brad Miller 0:21

there for a minute what people are going to

Dr. Brad Miller 0:23

people, what can people learn from you about

Dr. Brad Miller 0:24

a process to help move from being on or

Dr. Brad Miller 0:27

being stuck to being unstuck? And as you say freed.

Susie Hayes 0:32

Yes. Well, the book is written using the

Susie Hayes 0:37

metaphor of crossing a bridge from stuck to

Susie Hayes 0:40

freed from stuck. And I use the acronym of F R, E, E, D,

Susie Hayes 0:46

to identify those five elements. So F is face the bridge.

Susie Hayes 0:52

And this is about identifying the real problem.

Susie Hayes 0:56

And by that, I mean, sometimes we think that

Susie Hayes 0:58

the problem is very often external. But if we really

Susie Hayes 1:02

go deeply into that, we discover that more often

Susie Hayes 1:06

than not, we're stuck, because there are some

Susie Hayes 1:10

unmet need, or some emotional state or pain

Susie Hayes 1:15

that has not been attended to. So once we

Susie Hayes 1:18

identify that, then we can more accurately attend

Susie Hayes 1:25

to that need to move forward. The R is to recognize

Susie Hayes 1:31

the bridge. And this is about looking across the

Susie Hayes 1:34

bridge to the vision of where we want to be.

Susie Hayes 1:38

This is about developing a clear as possible

Susie Hayes 1:42

vision as vivid as it can be in our mind as emotionally

Susie Hayes 1:46

charged as it can be to draw us across the bridge

Susie Hayes 1:50

in the change process, then the E is embrace the

Susie Hayes 1:55

bridge. And this is about identifying any obstacles

Susie Hayes 2:00

or challenges either externally, but more importantly

Susie Hayes 2:03

, internally, and then creating a strategy for

Susie Hayes 2:07

how to best realistically cross that bridge to put

Susie Hayes 2:12

a plan in place, if you will. The next E is exit the

Susie Hayes 2:17

bridge. And this is about looking at what is no

Susie Hayes 2:22

longer serving us in our lives, and being willing

Susie Hayes 2:25

to grieve and let go of that. And that in fact

Susie Hayes 2:29

is you know, Brad is the most difficult process

Susie Hayes 2:32

that we do as human beings. Yes, it's a difficult

Susie Hayes 2:35

task we have is to grieve, which is why we

Susie Hayes 2:38

want to avoid it. It's why we want to go around it.

Susie Hayes 2:41

But it's so important to be able to do that and to

Susie Hayes 2:44

let go of what is no longer serving us in our lives.

Susie Hayes 2:49

And then D is to arrive at the destination while

Susie Hayes 2:52

discovering our destiny. And by that I mean,

Susie Hayes 2:56

as we go through that transformation process,

Susie Hayes 2:59

we become more aware of who we really are

Susie Hayes 3:02

not just our wounded selves, and not the story

Susie Hayes 3:05

that we've told ourselves about that, but really

Susie Hayes 3:09

who we are all of those amazing resources that

Susie Hayes 3:12

you and I were talking about earlier. And we

Susie Hayes 3:15

come to know and appreciate that. And from

Susie Hayes 3:18

that, we gain greater self-awareness, we

Susie Hayes 3:22

understand more about our values, what's

Susie Hayes 3:24

important to us what our priorities are, and

Susie Hayes 3:28

what brings us purpose and meaning. And then

Susie Hayes 3:31

we know of course, every time we cross that bridge,

Susie Hayes 3:35

there will be another bridge and another bridge

Susie Hayes 3:39

and another bridge, because that is the

Susie Hayes 3:41

process of life. And so if we can understand

Susie Hayes 3:45

these five elements as being part of the ability

Susie Hayes 3:50

to make that transition, it actually becomes

Susie Hayes 3:55

easier as we go on to apply that understanding

Susie Hayes 3:59

to the next challenge that we're going to face.

Dr. Brad Miller 4:02

Very good. Well, it's certainly a helpful process there,

Dr. Brad Miller 4:05

you know, face to bridge and go to adventure,

Dr. Brad Miller 4:08

your destination and to, you know, be engaged

Dr. Brad Miller 4:13

in the process do you have in your book or in

Dr. Brad Miller 4:15

your coaching? Do you have any exercises that

Dr. Brad Miller 4:19

you ask folks to do to help them to identify these

Dr. Brad Miller 4:22

things or to put some handles on these things?

Dr. Brad Miller 4:26

So to speak, any ways they can do that?

Susie Hayes 4:29

Yes, in fact, there's, there are numerous

Susie Hayes 4:33

pages of, I suppose you would call them

Susie Hayes 4:36

exercises where I offer to you questions to

Susie Hayes 4:40

ask yourself about where you're at, and I

Susie Hayes 4:42

tell people, you know, you can pick up this book,

Susie Hayes 4:45

and you can waterski if you like you can read

Susie Hayes 4:49

through it and go this is some really great

Susie Hayes 4:50

information and I'll make note of it, or you

Susie Hayes 4:54

can deep dive and really get into it and you

Susie Hayes 4:59

See the information for that deeper

Susie Hayes 5:02

transformation process. So there are really

Dr. Brad Miller 5:07

Can you give us an example Susie of like,

Dr. Brad Miller 5:10

what one of these types of questions you may

Dr. Brad Miller 5:13

be asking? As you mentioned earlier,

Dr. Brad Miller 5:15

you're good, you ask a lot of good questions

Dr. Brad Miller 5:17

in terms of your own educational process. So

Dr. Brad Miller 5:19

I'm interested in the questions, you're right now

Dr. Brad Miller 5:21

asking to your readers or to your coaching

Dr. Brad Miller 5:23

clients, to help them give us a little more

Dr. Brad Miller 5:25

specific, any of those areas there.

Susie Hayes 5:28

All right, well, let let me give you let me give

Susie Hayes 5:34

you two questions, Brad, okay. To ask, when

Susie Hayes 5:39

you're thinking about making a change, when

Susie Hayes 5:42

you're thinking about recovering from an adverse

Susie Hayes 5:52

situation, when you are dealing with grief

Susie Hayes 5:55

and loss, when you're up against the wall

Susie Hayes 5:57

financially, whatever the adversity is, here

Susie Hayes 6:00

are two questions that you can ask yourself

Susie Hayes 6:05

in the process. If I choose not? If I choose not

Susie Hayes 6:17

to cross this bridge? How will it affect me?

Susie Hayes 6:24

How will it affect me personally? How it will?

Susie Hayes 6:26

How will it affect the people around me?

Susie Hayes 6:29

How will it affect my community and the

Susie Hayes 6:32

people that I love? How will it affect my

Susie Hayes 6:35

future if I choose not to cross this bridge?

Susie Hayes 6:39

And then the second question is, if I

Susie Hayes 6:45

choose to make this change? How will I see

Susie Hayes 6:50

myself? How will it serve me? How will it

Susie Hayes 6:54

impact the lives of those that I love? How

Susie Hayes 6:58

will it impact my community? How will it

Susie Hayes 7:00

ripple out into the world? How will it transform

Susie Hayes 7:04

my life? And it's really important to ask both

Susie Hayes 7:08

of those questions, because it allows you to

Susie Hayes 7:12

stand at that crossroad. And make a decision.

Susie Hayes 7:18

And to understand the impact of that

Susie Hayes 7:21

decision right there at that crossroads.

Dr. Brad Miller 7:24

Because that decision has to do with the

Dr. Brad Miller 7:26

actual decision to step on the bridge to

Dr. Brad Miller 7:29

use your metaphor, you can look at that

Dr. Brad Miller 7:32

bridge, you can face the bridge, all you want

Dr. Brad Miller 7:33

to and you look at Oh, it's a good looking bridge,

Dr. Brad Miller 7:36

looks exciting on the other side, but you still gotta

Dr. Brad Miller 7:38

make the decision to go across. And so I love

Dr. Brad Miller 7:41

the way you frame that metaphor of what

Dr. Brad Miller 7:46

you are not going to gain or lose by not making

Dr. Brad Miller 7:49

a decision, and then what you will gain.

Dr. Brad Miller 7:52

So let's let's talk for and let's go there using

Dr. Brad Miller 7:55

that process there. What is a reader of your

Dr. Brad Miller 7:59

book or the person who takes advantage of

Dr. Brad Miller 8:01

your counselling? What's in this for them?

Dr. Brad Miller 8:03

Who's this book for? What are they going to

Dr. Brad Miller 8:05

gain by being connected to Susie Hayes?

Susie Hayes 8:15

The connection that you have to me

Susie Hayes 8:17

whether it is in person or through the book

Susie Hayes 8:22

is to know what I know. And that is that I

Susie Hayes 8:27

know that you deserve the highest quality of

Susie Hayes 8:30

life that you can create for yourself. And I

Susie Hayes 8:34

know that as you take full responsibility for

Susie Hayes 8:37

your life, for your choices. as daunting as that

Susie Hayes 8:43

maybe or as unfamiliar as that may be

Susie Hayes 8:46

because sometimes it is so much easier to

Susie Hayes 8:50

blame or project onto others the reasons

Susie Hayes 8:53

why we're at a certain point. But once you

Susie Hayes 8:57

take that responsibility, it is really empowering.

Susie Hayes 9:02

And I think that I would say my task and

Susie Hayes 9:06

working with people is really helps them with

Susie Hayes 9:12

compassion to face the truth about where

Susie Hayes 9:15

their life is, and to discover the truth of

Susie Hayes 9:18

who they really are. And so that is the

Susie Hayes 9:22

task of the book, it is the task of my work

Susie Hayes 9:25

with people. And I hope, you will understand

Susie Hayes 9:31

is so foundational to the work that I do.

Dr. Brad Miller 9:35

Sounds like you're in the process of helping to

Dr. Brad Miller 9:38

indeed power empowers people to have

Dr. Brad Miller 9:40

whatever it takes whatever they need, the

Dr. Brad Miller 9:42

resources they need to get on that bridge.

Dr. Brad Miller 9:47

Start start that process. Let's kind of bring

Dr. Brad Miller 9:50

us around to this thing. So as we begin our

Dr. Brad Miller 9:52

conversation, we're talking about your story and

Dr. Brad Miller 9:55

some of your family of origin and things have

Dr. Brad Miller 9:58

led you to where you're here today. Let's talk

Dr. Brad Miller:

about the people that you serve. Now, we talked

Dr. Brad Miller:

about the type of people, but other people in your

Dr. Brad Miller:

way they've read your book or whom

Dr. Brad Miller:

you've served in your counselling or your

Dr. Brad Miller:

therapy, that that you've seen a transformation

Dr. Brad Miller:

take place where they got on that bridge,

Dr. Brad Miller:

no names, of course. But can you give us an

Dr. Brad Miller:

example or testimony of a person or persons

Dr. Brad Miller:

have been through what you offer.

Dr. Brad Miller:

And if that transformation?

Susie Hayes:

You know, right now, in the work I'm doing,

Susie Hayes:

I have a young woman that's 16 years old,

Susie Hayes:

and I have another woman who's 83. And

Susie Hayes:

of course, the change process looks very

Susie Hayes:

different to you when you're 16, then when

Susie Hayes:

you're 83. But what it means is that we're

Susie Hayes:

always constantly in the process of change.

Susie Hayes:

And we are constantly evolving and having

Susie Hayes:

the potential for transformation.

Susie Hayes:

And so now, I forgot your original question.

Dr. Brad Miller:

But just the testimony about a person

Dr. Brad Miller:

who have gone through change?

Dr. Brad Miller:

Example of your work here.

Susie Hayes:

And many people that I work with, thank you.

Susie Hayes:

I think of another woman with who I was working

Susie Hayes:

with this was several years ago, she and her

Susie Hayes:

then fiance came to me, they were having

Susie Hayes:

challenges in their relationship. And she was

Susie Hayes:

having some doubts, but she wanted to get

Susie Hayes:

married, and he had betrayed her and

Susie Hayes:

create distrust in the relationship. And

Susie Hayes:

it became apparent in the work that he

Susie Hayes:

really didn't want to marry her. And he didn't

Susie Hayes:

want to change. And so she had to deal with

Susie Hayes:

the fact that she needed to leave the

Susie Hayes:

relationship. And she loved him a lot.

Susie Hayes:

She was also in a situation of being caught with

Susie Hayes:

what I call her golden handcuffs, he was

Susie Hayes:

very wealthy, and had provided a very good

Susie Hayes:

lifestyle for her. And so it was really scary for her

Susie Hayes:

to let go of that relationship, to let go of

Susie Hayes:

that financial security, and rebuild

Susie Hayes:

her life because she had basically

Susie Hayes:

relinquished everything for the comfort

Susie Hayes:

of this relationship. And she did, she

Susie Hayes:

found the courage to do it. And she continued

Susie Hayes:

in her own individual work with me.

Susie Hayes:

And today, she is now a divorce coach,

Susie Hayes:

and very successful in the real estate

Susie Hayes:

business and her focus, and her

Susie Hayes:

work is about helping people who have

Susie Hayes:

gone through the divorce process, in relocating to their homes.

Dr. Brad Miller:

Okay. So a very specific niche, it sounds like.

Susie Hayes:

Really, she took that experience, and really

Susie Hayes:

cultivated it into her own career path. And it's

Susie Hayes:

very successful now, and very happy. So it

Susie Hayes:

was a tough journey for her right, she had

Susie Hayes:

to grieve and let go of a lot of stuff.

Dr. Brad Miller:

But that's how like she got on

Dr. Brad Miller:

the bridge, so to speak,

Susie Hayes:

Got on that bridge, even when she had

Susie Hayes:

to crawl on that bridge, on the bridge,

Susie Hayes:

and she made it across beautifully to

Susie Hayes:

recreate her life. And I'm very proud of her and

Dr. Brad Miller:

How fulfilling for you when you are part

Dr. Brad Miller:

of that process somehow and when

Dr. Brad Miller:

do know, Suzy that there's a lot of folks

Dr. Brad Miller:

who are stuck or run a malaise of mediocrity

Dr. Brad Miller:

or whatever they are. And they don't know

Dr. Brad Miller:

how to get out of it. And perhaps what you

Dr. Brad Miller:

provide here and your book freed from being stuck,

Dr. Brad Miller:

will be helpful to these folks. So once you

Dr. Brad Miller:

share with our audience here on Beyond

Dr. Brad Miller:

adversity, and a lot of folks listen to our

Dr. Brad Miller:

program are in somehow in some state of stuck,

Dr. Brad Miller:

share with them how people can get a hold

Dr. Brad Miller:

of your book or find more out about you and

Dr. Brad Miller:

what you offer to maybe help them to get unstuck.

Susie Hayes:

Absolutely, the book is available on Amazon.

Susie Hayes:

And you can also go to my website, which

Susie Hayes:

is There are lots of

Susie Hayes:

resources there. There's also a way for you

Susie Hayes:

to be able to contact me if you're interested

Susie Hayes:

in the initial consultation, I'd love to talk with you.

Susie Hayes:

And you can also find the book through the

Susie Hayes:

website as well. So lots of good stuff there for you.

Dr. Brad Miller:

Awesome, appreciate that. And we'll put links

Dr. Brad Miller:

to all of that at our website,

Dr. Brad Miller:

Our guest today and beyond adversity, we just

Dr. Brad Miller:

fascinating conversation, Susie Hayes, and she

Dr. Brad Miller:

is the author of freed from stuck, dared across

Dr. Brad Miller:

the bridge beyond grief, trauma, and self

Dr. Brad Miller:

sabotage to discover last didn't change now.

Dr. Brad Miller:

You could find her at

Dr. Brad Miller:

Susie Hayes, thank you for being our

Dr. Brad Miller:

guest today on beyond adversity.