141. Overcoming Debilitating Fear through Forgiveness with Judi Miller the Author of “Perfect: A Path to Love, Forgiveness and Transformation”

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The author of “Perfect: A Path to Love, Forgiveness, and Transformation” is Dr. Brad Miller’s guest on Episode 141 of The Beyond Adversity Podcast. 

Judi Miller started her career as a Certified Public Accountant and went on to excel in the world of corporate finance for over 20 years. Most of her life has been dedicated to personal development and helping others excel in a constantly changing environment. Over the past several years, Judi’s interest shifted toward spirituality. Her growth was no longer aimed at making herself better; instead, she began to focus on finding her intrinsic wholeness. 

This shift brought her numerous lessons around the nature of the creator, forgiveness, and the trajectory each soul follows throughout the course of many lives. Today, sharing these lessons is an integral part of her journey. As a coach, speaker, and author, she shares her relatable and heartfelt messages with others who want to awaken to their true greatness and experience lasting happiness. 

Judi has trained with some of the world’s most spiritual visionaries and is certified in The Energy Codes, Happy for No Reason, and The Passion Test. In Episode 141 of The Beyond Adversity Podcast, she will inspire you to live a more passionate life filled with greater clarity, joy, and happiness. 

The Purpose of the Beyond Adversity Podcast is to help people navigate adverse life events (divorce, depression, disease, debt, death) and emerge to a life of peace, prosperity, and purpose.

Judi Miller on the Web

Transcript
Brad Miller:

So we welcome Judy Miller to the beyond adversity

Brad Miller:

podcast today.

Judi Miller:

It's great to be here Dr. Bread.

Brad Miller:

Awesome. It is so awesome to have you here with me

Brad Miller:

today I've looked through some of the perils, but your book and

Brad Miller:

selling has had an incredible journey. And we like to talk

Brad Miller:

here about people who have had a journey and their life a journey

Brad Miller:

of transformation. But a journey of transformation starts really

Brad Miller:

when we have to come to terms with an area where we're stuck

Brad Miller:

or we have some problems or issues. Just tell us a little

Brad Miller:

bit about your background, and maybe the place where you were

Brad Miller:

having some challenges that you had to, to overcome.

Judi Miller:

So I'd like to start by asking you three

Judi Miller:

questions you and your listeners. So have you ever felt

Judi Miller:

different like you didn't belong?

Brad Miller:

Of course I have. And I know I talked to people

Brad Miller:

all the time on our podcast and our listeners who are feeling

Brad Miller:

stuck or somehow jointed or disconnected from their family

Brad Miller:

or friends or co workers or society as a whole, as they get

Brad Miller:

maybe particularly the case now when we're doing this whole

Brad Miller:

crazy situation with the COVID crisis and political upheaval

Brad Miller:

and racial injustice and all kinds of things, some people

Brad Miller:

feel out of place,

Judi Miller:

right? And have you ever felt incomplete, perhaps

Judi Miller:

searching for someone or something to make you feel

Judi Miller:

whole?

Brad Miller:

Well, that is a common thing for I think a lot

Brad Miller:

of folks including myself, where you are searching for something

Brad Miller:

else, someone else or something else in order to fill in those

Brad Miller:

gaps. I think a lot of people search for completeness, through

Brad Miller:

other things. It might be a substance abuse this

Brad Miller:

circumstance, or it might be you know, buying a new car that they

Brad Miller:

donate, it might be midlife crisis thing. All kinds of

Brad Miller:

things can be there. And apparently, that's where you're

Brad Miller:

going what we're talking about here, somebody, you're going to

Brad Miller:

help us search for some of these things.

Judi Miller:

Absolutely. And the last question, have you ever

Judi Miller:

felt unworthy always having to prove yourself over and over

Judi Miller:

again?

Brad Miller:

Well, I think anytime we live in a world where

Brad Miller:

there's a lot of things driven by guilt, or a lot of things

Brad Miller:

that are driven by being under pressure, and criticize, and

Brad Miller:

when you're under pressure, you want to try to respond to it.

Brad Miller:

And that is, I think, what you're sharing here, there, when

Brad Miller:

you're trying to respond to things you're trying to come up

Brad Miller:

to standards come up to par. And so certainly so.

Judi Miller:

And the reason I asked you and your listeners

Judi Miller:

these questions is because these feelings have literally plagued

Judi Miller:

me for most of my life. As you mentioned in the introduction, I

Judi Miller:

started my career as a CPA, and then went into work in finance

Judi Miller:

in the healthcare industry for over 20 years. And along this

Judi Miller:

journey that I recently had, I learned how to let go of all of

Judi Miller:

those feelings and truly experience true freedom and

Judi Miller:

happiness. And that's the reason why I actually wrote perfect.

Judi Miller:

Also, in the introduction, you said the subtitle to the book is

Judi Miller:

a path to love, forgiveness and transformation. But one of the

Judi Miller:

things that I discovered on this journey is that there's so many

Judi Miller:

different definitions of forgiveness. But for me,

Judi Miller:

forgiveness is really simple. It means to forego or to let go of.

Judi Miller:

So we each are going to have painful or unwanted experiences

Judi Miller:

in our lives, we could either experience it once, or we could

Judi Miller:

play it over and over again, literally hundreds, even 1000s

Judi Miller:

of times, until it becomes stuck, it becomes our identity.

Judi Miller:

So for me, forgiveness simply means to let go of those

Judi Miller:

contracted stories, those contracted energies that no

Judi Miller:

longer serve us. So we can move forward and experience joy and

Judi Miller:

happiness. I do believe that it's one of the greatest gifts

Judi Miller:

that we can give ourselves as an act of self love.

Brad Miller:

But so many people get stuck, especially when those

Brad Miller:

old memories that are perhaps our experience, even with soda

Brad Miller:

may have been passed on or something still lingers with us.

Brad Miller:

So you help us to understand how we can deal with those things

Brad Miller:

that linger.

Judi Miller:

Exactly. So forgiveness for me is not

Judi Miller:

condoning the actions of another person. It's getting us out of

Judi Miller:

that cycle of victimhood. So I'd love to take a few minutes and

Judi Miller:

share my story with

Brad Miller:

you. Please do please do.

Judi Miller:

So my story might sound a little unusual, maybe

Judi Miller:

even uncommon to some of your listeners. But I do believe that

Judi Miller:

holds a promise for us all. So like many children, I have fears

Judi Miller:

as a child, I was afraid of drowning, but I was terrified of

Judi Miller:

the night. And if you've never felt terror, the best way that I

Judi Miller:

could describe it for people is if someone jumped out in front

Judi Miller:

of you unexpectedly, and your heart starts to raise, your

Judi Miller:

palms begin to sweat, maybe you can't even breathe. And I think

Judi Miller:

for most people, those sensations often last maybe a

Judi Miller:

few seconds. For other people like myself, it would literally

Judi Miller:

last much longer. And as a child, I had this terror of the

Judi Miller:

night, I could feel I could feel different energies around me.

Judi Miller:

And I didn't know if they were there to help me or to harm me.

Judi Miller:

So literally, Dr. Brad night after night, I would crawl into

Judi Miller:

bed I would pull the covers over my head. And I would recite the

Judi Miller:

Lord's Prayer over and over again until eventually I would

Judi Miller:

fall asleep exhausted. And this was my ritual night after night.

Judi Miller:

It continued well into my 20s. As I mentioned, you know, I

Judi Miller:

started my career as a CPA. So here I am going to work during

Judi Miller:

the day, and then at night crawling back into bed terrified

Judi Miller:

of what I couldn't explain. And then I actually met my husband

Judi Miller:

at work, we got married and we had two children. And in the

Judi Miller:

exhaustion of raising two incredible kids commuting three

Judi Miller:

hours a day to work and working 40 to 50 hours a week. In that

Judi Miller:

exhaustion. Everything stopped. The terrorist stop, the energy

Judi Miller:

stopped, everything stopped. But then my kids grew up, and they

Judi Miller:

went off to college, and the house became silent. And in that

Judi Miller:

silence, everything returned. The terror the energies the

Judi Miller:

subtle whispers. It felt like if someone was always near me,

Judi Miller:

looking at me around me, I would tiptoe around my house literally

Judi Miller:

afraid of what I might encounter. I would wake up at

Judi Miller:

night clutching in fear at my husband and soon we both began

Judi Miller:

to lose sleep. So doc abroad around the same time, I actually

Judi Miller:

started to bleed uncontrollably month after month, I went to see

Judi Miller:

my doctor and my doctor said that I needed to have a

Judi Miller:

hysterectomy. And I was terrified of the surgery. And I

Judi Miller:

couldn't understand why. I had worked in the health care

Judi Miller:

industry for over 20 years, and I trust modern medicine. But it

Judi Miller:

felt like the same terror that I had as a child, the same terror

Judi Miller:

that returned to me as an adult. So a good friend of mine

Judi Miller:

actually recommended that I read a book called light emerging by

Judi Miller:

Barbara Brennan. Barbara was actually a former NASA

Judi Miller:

physicist, and she actually studied the human energy field,

Judi Miller:

and what she learned she was actually able to heal people. So

Judi Miller:

literally days before my surgery, I found myself googling

Judi Miller:

healers near me. And as I sat across from my healer for that

Judi Miller:

very first time, I literally felt like my entire life was

Judi Miller:

locking into place. But I didn't know the role that that healer

Judi Miller:

would actually play in my family's history. So my healer

Judi Miller:

helped me heal after my hysterectomy. And then we

Judi Miller:

started to explore this unexplainable fear and terror of

Judi Miller:

the night. We looked at my childhood experiences to see if

Judi Miller:

there was anything that elicited, but nothing did. And

Judi Miller:

then we started to talk about my parents, we know that we inherit

Judi Miller:

so many things from our parents, the color of our hair, the color

Judi Miller:

of our eyes, the shape of our nose, and other physical

Judi Miller:

characteristics. But the science of epigenetics is that we can

Judi Miller:

also inherit the pain and the trauma that our parents

Judi Miller:

experienced. But not only just our parents, but our ancestors.

Judi Miller:

So she introduced me to some amazing research that was done

Judi Miller:

on Holocaust victims were actually Holocaust survivors,

Judi Miller:

their children and their grandchildren actually had the

Judi Miller:

same pain and terror in their body. And there's been some

Judi Miller:

recent research with actually mice. So they introduced the

Judi Miller:

smell of cherry blossoms to mice, and then they would zap

Judi Miller:

the mice on the feet. So Dr. Brad, as you can expect, after a

Judi Miller:

while, just the smell of cherry blossoms would trigger the fear

Judi Miller:

without the zapping. But what was amazing was that the rats

Judi Miller:

and mice, his children and their children, was also triggered by

Judi Miller:

the smell of cherry blossoms, and would also have that fear in

Judi Miller:

their bodies. So what we uncovered on this journey, was

Judi Miller:

that fair and that terror that I felt tonight, wasn't actually my

Judi Miller:

own, it was actually a cellular memory from my mother. And they

Judi Miller:

also say that all female babies are actually most female babies

Judi Miller:

are actually born with two to 3 million of their reproductive

Judi Miller:

eggs at birth. And many people believe that they actually don't

Judi Miller:

produce any more after that. So all the triumphs and the traumas

Judi Miller:

that your mother experienced as a child growing up, in many

Judi Miller:

cases, on a cellular level, you were there as an unborn egg. So

Judi Miller:

what we uncovered on the story was that some of that pain and

Judi Miller:

that terror that I felt each night was actually from my

Judi Miller:

mother. But the story doesn't actually end there, there's

Judi Miller:

actually a shocking connection to the very healer that I

Judi Miller:

trusted to heal me. She was actually the person ancestrally,

Judi Miller:

who had caused the pain and the terror in my family. And in that

Judi Miller:

moment of Revelation, Dr. Brad, I could have felt fear, pain,

Judi Miller:

maybe even betrayal. But I didn't. All I felt was the love

Judi Miller:

and the perfection of the universe. And I saw how

Judi Miller:

unconditionally loved we are, and how all of our lives are

Judi Miller:

interconnected. So the reason I wrote perfect is because I see

Judi Miller:

so many people in the world hurting and carrying so many

Judi Miller:

feelings that I've carried for most of my life. But on this

Judi Miller:

journey, I actually learned to let go of those negative stories

Judi Miller:

and experiences that don't serve us and actually see the miracle

Judi Miller:

in it. So that's why I wrote the book.

Brad Miller:

That is awesome story there you have shared

Brad Miller:

Judy, and really intrigued by the fact that you went through a

Brad Miller:

significant period of time it appears like in your very life,

Brad Miller:

you're raising your children, were apparently for whatever

Brad Miller:

reason, your activity level being so high, and so one that

Brad Miller:

you did not have the manifestation of the the night

Brad Miller:

terrors or the fear of the dark and things like that. And yet

Brad Miller:

when quiet happened, and you have time, in a in a different

Brad Miller:

mode to deal with us that these came back. interesting about

Brad Miller:

that activity level. And what did you do, you might want to

Brad Miller:

save something about that in a moment. But I'm also interested

Brad Miller:

that you took some action to deal with it, and so many people

Brad Miller:

don't. And so let's say some more what motivated you to take

Brad Miller:

action, I'd like to call a bold action in order to break out of

Brad Miller:

our adversity, we got to do something about it. So what

Brad Miller:

motivated you to take the action you needed to do to say, I am

Brad Miller:

not going to live with this, I'm going to do something about it.

Judi Miller:

So you know, there's actually a couple of

Judi Miller:

experiences that I go into depth in my book, which I'd love to

Judi Miller:

share that kind of spurred that action forward. The first one

Judi Miller:

actually happens on Good Friday, I was actually visiting my

Judi Miller:

children, they were both in college and we were sitting

Judi Miller:

there waiting for mass to start. And as I sat there, just

Judi Miller:

waiting, an overwhelming sense of love literally just descended

Judi Miller:

on me. And it was every sort of love you could possibly imagine

Judi Miller:

magnified a million times. And you know, as a child, that was

Judi Miller:

always I was always fascinated by people with near death

Judi Miller:

experiences, they talk about the light, they talk about this

Judi Miller:

overwhelming sense of love. So here I was in church feeling

Judi Miller:

this incredible wave of love that I couldn't explain. And I

Judi Miller:

looked around the church to see if anybody else was experiencing

Judi Miller:

it, but nobody else was. But in that moment of experience, I

Judi Miller:

realized how incredibly beloved we all are, as I mentioned, that

Judi Miller:

carried this, this feeling of being different and unworthy for

Judi Miller:

most of my life. But in that moment, I realized how false

Judi Miller:

that was. So that's actually what started at all. And then

Judi Miller:

also, when I was home, recovering from my hysterectomy,

Judi Miller:

my doctor had given me painkillers, but I actually

Judi Miller:

refused to take them, there was so many stories that I had

Judi Miller:

written about how people would become addicted to it, and I

Judi Miller:

just didn't want to go there. So I actually refuse to take

Judi Miller:

painkillers. And as I laid there in bed, this gentle guy would

Judi Miller:

gently drift in and out of my awareness, it was almost like an

Judi Miller:

Irish nurse who would just literally sit and be with me.

Judi Miller:

And like I said, My story might sound a little unusual or

Judi Miller:

uncommon to people. But I do believe there's just so many

Judi Miller:

messages for all of us. And as she laid there with me and sat

Judi Miller:

there with me, she said, we're always love, never alone, never

Judi Miller:

band. And if you knew who stood beside you, you would never be

Judi Miller:

afraid. And I realized that in every moment of our lives, the

Judi Miller:

creator, the God of our understanding is always with us.

Judi Miller:

And there's nothing to be afraid of. So that was that was a

Judi Miller:

second experience that I had that all led up to this

Judi Miller:

miraculous experience and healing that I went through. And

Judi Miller:

if it's okay with you, I'd love to share two other ones with

Judi Miller:

you. Well, yeah,

Brad Miller:

let me reflect with you briefly. And then I want you

Brad Miller:

to go on there. I just think it's cool from a, from a

Brad Miller:

theological perspective and biblical perspective that you

Brad Miller:

had his transition on Good Friday. And that also that you

Brad Miller:

had a comforter with you this comforter image with you, those

Brad Miller:

are certainly biblical and theological images there, with

Brad Miller:

Good Friday being, of course, the transition of death, and to

Brad Miller:

new elements, a new life, or the opportunity for new life. And so

Brad Miller:

you're having some of those transitions going on there. And

Brad Miller:

I just think it's interesting. And then you had the Comforter

Brad Miller:

who was with you there, which is only guidance. And so please

Brad Miller:

continue with your story now about how this action that

Brad Miller:

happened, led to some transformation.

Judi Miller:

So as I mentioned, I worked with my healer for

Judi Miller:

several months. And you know, it's a progression of these

Judi Miller:

different miraculous things that happened. And she offered to do

Judi Miller:

hypnosis. She said, sometimes, you know, by going through

Judi Miller:

hypnosis, you can uncover where some of your fears are coming

Judi Miller:

from. So I volunteered, and I said, Okay. And as I laid on her

Judi Miller:

healing table, I literally felt like I was ascending through

Judi Miller:

different colors, through like a purple haze, and then out into

Judi Miller:

this bright white light. And again, like I said, it almost

Judi Miller:

sounds like a near death experience. And in that bright

Judi Miller:

white light, I emerged with this overwhelming again, feeling of

Judi Miller:

love. And the message, this time that came through is that we can

Judi Miller:

all come home, by loving and accepting who we are exactly as

Judi Miller:

we are. And that the joys and the reunion and the reunion of

Judi Miller:

remembering who we are. And that was truly a profound message for

Judi Miller:

me. And I think it's a message that's so applicable to our

Judi Miller:

times, you know, when you started off the show you we

Judi Miller:

talked about the unprecedented times that we were going

Judi Miller:

through, and I just see so many parallels about how we're being

Judi Miller:

sent home, right, we're being sent home. And I believe that

Judi Miller:

the isolation that we feel, is not the isolation from each

Judi Miller:

other, but from the isolation and being disconnected with the

Judi Miller:

Creator, and from the essence of who we truly are. And that this

Judi Miller:

is our opportunity to reconnect with ourselves, because so many

Judi Miller:

of us who abandoned ourselves emotionally, spiritually,

Judi Miller:

physically. So this is the universe's opportunity to let us

Judi Miller:

all heal. So that was another experience.

Brad Miller:

And that's a powerful aspect of this. And I

Brad Miller:

really like to think in terms of how a part of a transformation a

Brad Miller:

part of the journey that article to a pathway to promise life is

Brad Miller:

we need to draw on a power higher than ourselves, we have

Brad Miller:

to connect with a power higher than ourselves, you're certainly

Brad Miller:

are describing that and about how we, you choose to draw upon

Brad Miller:

that power. People call all kinds of different things. They

Brad Miller:

call it meditation, they call a prayer transformation. But I

Brad Miller:

just want to invite you to go a little bit deeper on how you're

Brad Miller:

choosing to connect up with a higher power became

Brad Miller:

transformative to you to see them more about the power of

Brad Miller:

this transformation through a hive through your spiritual

Brad Miller:

development. Right.

Judi Miller:

So I can give you an example of how it's totally

Judi Miller:

transformed my life. So as I mentioned, I felt different most

Judi Miller:

of my life. I felt like I didn't fit in. So we all know that

Judi Miller:

through the law of attraction, what we focus on grows stronger

Judi Miller:

in our way. So of course, I felt different. So I married a man

Judi Miller:

that was completely different than me, racially, culturally

Judi Miller:

and spiritually very, very different. And because I felt

Judi Miller:

different, I felt like I didn't belong to his family. And there

Judi Miller:

was a moment when in the story when his mother passed away, I'm

Judi Miller:

not a medium. But because I believe my heart was wide open,

Judi Miller:

I was actually communicating to her, and I can't explain how I

Judi Miller:

was communicating to her. And she literally showed me every

Judi Miller:

experience that I had with his family, and went by literally in

Judi Miller:

seconds, like flashes on a movie screen. And what I saw and

Judi Miller:

learned from that experience is what we hold and what we project

Judi Miller:

is mirrored back to us. So the stories and the traumas that we

Judi Miller:

hold in our bodies, and in our minds are reflected back to us

Judi Miller:

in our experiences. So it's almost like, the best way I can

Judi Miller:

describe it is our energy field, the traumas, the emotions, the

Judi Miller:

stories, the judgments, the labels that we hang on to get

Judi Miller:

stuck in our energy field, and it distorts the way that we're

Judi Miller:

able to see the world. So what she taught me was that what we

Judi Miller:

hold is mirrored back to us. So the feeling of being different,

Judi Miller:

was mirrored back to me in those experiences. So what I explained

Judi Miller:

in the answer to your question, what I explained in the story

Judi Miller:

perfect, is how to let go of those stories that no longer

Judi Miller:

serve us. And I think truly, that's where, you know, lead

Judi Miller:

readers can actually apply a lot of these principles in their own

Judi Miller:

lives.

Brad Miller:

That's awesome. You talk a lot in your book about

Brad Miller:

love, and forgiveness and transformation. And I'd like to

Brad Miller:

talk to you for a minute or for our pain for you to share with

Brad Miller:

us a little bit for a minute about the house those concepts.

Brad Miller:

So probably what I'm getting at here is that we have this what

Brad Miller:

we've been talking about this connection to the greater power

Brad Miller:

power greater than us. But the loving relationships both, as

Brad Miller:

you mentioned with family members or others, is, I believe

Brad Miller:

a part of the emotional fuel that keeps us going in this

Brad Miller:

transformation. So I'd like to speak for a minute about the

Brad Miller:

power of emotion, especially emotion of love, and how this

Brad Miller:

forgiveness aspect of love can be transformative. Speak to a

Brad Miller:

little bit about love, forgiveness and transformation.

Judi Miller:

And it might be a little unusual the way I respond

Judi Miller:

to you. But I believe all emotions are meant to be felt

Judi Miller:

the sensations in our bodies, emotions,

Brad Miller:

physiological thing you mean

Judi Miller:

exactly perfect. So Dr. Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor wrote

Judi Miller:

my stroke of insight, she was a Harvard neuroscientist, and she

Judi Miller:

was able to heal herself from traumatic brain injury. And in

Judi Miller:

her book, she talks about this 92nd rule that when an event

Judi Miller:

happens, either good or bad. So it could be a positive event or

Judi Miller:

a negative event, it literally takes us 90 seconds to process

Judi Miller:

that event through our physiology, and then let it go.

Judi Miller:

If it lasts longer than 90 seconds, it means that we're

Judi Miller:

holding on to it. And we're either creating a positive story

Judi Miller:

or a negative story. So to make motions are truly meant to be

Judi Miller:

felt in our bodies. And I believe that many of us, number

Judi Miller:

one, haven't been trained to truly process our emotions.

Judi Miller:

Sometimes we don't process them, we're afraid of feeling them, or

Judi Miller:

we think about them instead. And by thinking about them and

Judi Miller:

creating these stories, and these labels, and these

Judi Miller:

judgments, we really never process it and are able to let

Judi Miller:

go of it. Hmm.

Brad Miller:

Interesting about that. And it seemed like there

Brad Miller:

might be a connection here one of the concepts you talk about a

Brad Miller:

bit in your book is the happiness set point when someone

Brad Miller:

sounds like a I know people. When I talk to people about

Brad Miller:

health issues, physical health issues, so that people talk

Brad Miller:

about a weight loss setpoint or things like this, you know how

Brad Miller:

you get stuck, basically stone? is this related here at all to

Brad Miller:

what we're talking about here having happiness set point, we

Brad Miller:

think we only deserve so much. So good. Go go there with me for

Brad Miller:

a minute about help us understand how we can have some

Brad Miller:

breakthroughs on this emotion, emotional process are some of

Brad Miller:

the exercises that we can do.

Judi Miller:

So the the analogy that you made to weight was

Judi Miller:

perfect. So a happiness set point is the genetic and learned

Judi Miller:

response for us to hover around a certain level of happiness,

Judi Miller:

like how we normally forget COVID-19 but how we normally

Judi Miller:

hover around a certain level of weight on a scale, like

Brad Miller:

accepting a certain level of satisfaction and not

Brad Miller:

exceeding something greater than that.

Judi Miller:

No, it's just a normal level of state of

Judi Miller:

happiness. So they've they've done studies where lottery

Judi Miller:

winners and even paraplegics, a year after the event happened,

Judi Miller:

they return to the same level of happiness based on their

Judi Miller:

genetics and learned response. But we have 60,000 thoughts a

Judi Miller:

day. 95% of them are the same ones we have yesterday and the

Judi Miller:

day before, and 80% of them are quite negative. So as humans we

Judi Miller:

are hardwired to focus on the negative aspects of the

Judi Miller:

situation. And I believe millions of years ago, it served

Judi Miller:

us as cavemen and cave women, it was important for our survival.

Judi Miller:

But we no longer live in that reality. So we need to learn, we

Judi Miller:

need to retrain ourselves to not just focus on the negative

Judi Miller:

aspects of the situation. So that's why the happiness set

Judi Miller:

point is so important because 50% is genetic or happiness set

Judi Miller:

point. 50% is genetic. 10% is our external circumstances, like

Judi Miller:

our marital status, our level of wealth, our job, and 40% is

Judi Miller:

dictated by our thoughts, labels and judgments. But the science

Judi Miller:

of epigenetics says that 50%, that's genetic, is actually also

Judi Miller:

influenced by our thoughts as well. So we have a significant

Judi Miller:

amount of control over the level of happiness that we can

Judi Miller:

experience in our lives.

Brad Miller:

So how do we do that, and what I want to get

Brad Miller:

with you here now is you say we have a significant amount of

Brad Miller:

control. And yet I'll so many people feel God like they are

Brad Miller:

out of control, or life is happening to them. And I can't

Brad Miller:

do a daggone thing about it. And particularly this time we were

Brad Miller:

talking about with COVID, and racial unrest, and economic

Brad Miller:

distress, and all kinds of things, people are feeling like,

Brad Miller:

this is just crushing me, I'm being crushed by circumstances,

Brad Miller:

but I'm hearing you say, because you don't have to accept that

Brad Miller:

you don't have to be stuck, you can do something about it. It

Brad Miller:

has to do with your mental state, your emotional well being

Brad Miller:

and so on. But I'd like for you to help us get some handles on

Brad Miller:

some disciplines, some actions, some exercises, perhaps, that we

Brad Miller:

can do to move beyond that to get us to this transformed

Brad Miller:

state. And I know that you have done some things that you can

Brad Miller:

teach us and help guide us through to help people to about

Brad Miller:

this discipline piece.

Judi Miller:

Sure, I'd love to. So I have an acronym that I call

Judi Miller:

nest. And I use the acronym to kind of remind myself of the

Judi Miller:

different steps that I went through. But before we go

Judi Miller:

through the acronyms, I just like to share with you, Dr.

Judi Miller:

Stephen Covey wrote the Seven Habits of Highly Effective

Judi Miller:

People in the late 80s. Yeah, and he said, that's one

Brad Miller:

of my most favorite books, I have about eight books

Brad Miller:

that are foundational what I'm about and that is one of them.

Judi Miller:

Oh, perfect, then. So he said, our greatest power

Judi Miller:

between stimulus and response is our greatest power, our power to

Judi Miller:

choose. And that was one of the quotes from his book. And what

Judi Miller:

it means for me is between stimulus and response, there's a

Judi Miller:

gap. And in that gap, we get to choose our reaction to any

Judi Miller:

situation. So this is how I use nest so and starts and ends in

Judi Miller:

stands for notice to become aware, observe our thoughts and

Judi Miller:

our feelings, right? So many of us just react, but we really do

Judi Miller:

have that gap, to where we get to actually notice the thoughts

Judi Miller:

we're having. Are they predominantly negative, or are

Judi Miller:

they predominantly positive? What can we do? So the first

Judi Miller:

step is to notice our thoughts. Okay. The second one is he in

Judi Miller:

this is to experience the emotion. So as I mentioned

Judi Miller:

before, Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor says it takes us 90 seconds to

Judi Miller:

truly feel and process an emotion in our body. So instead

Judi Miller:

of immediately going to a thought, learn to actually take

Judi Miller:

it to the body. So when somebody said a hurtful thing to me,

Judi Miller:

because I felt different as a child, if they said something

Judi Miller:

hurtful, where I felt that it felt like an elephant sitting on

Judi Miller:

my chest, right, it felt like an elephant sitting on my chest and

Judi Miller:

they couldn't breathe, so starts to notice when something

Judi Miller:

happens, where are you feeling it in your body, our emotions

Judi Miller:

are meant to be felt. So feel it in your body, take the 90

Judi Miller:

seconds to truly process it. If you need to scream, if it's

Judi Miller:

appropriate, if you need to cry, if it's appropriate, do those

Judi Miller:

things, and then let it go. Right. So the other one, the S

Judi Miller:

stands for scratch the record. So many of us play that same

Judi Miller:

story, as I mentioned to you before, we have 60,000 thoughts,

Judi Miller:

and 95% of them are the same ones we had yesterday and 80% of

Judi Miller:

them are negative. But when we start to have those negative

Judi Miller:

thoughts, scratch the record. So there's different ways to do it.

Judi Miller:

And some of them you've probably even heard. So as soon as you

Judi Miller:

start to have that negative thought, don't let it take root.

Judi Miller:

You can say cancel, cancel, cancel, stop, you could replace

Judi Miller:

it with a more empowering thought. That's one way you

Judi Miller:

could also people put rubber bands on their wrists, and they

Judi Miller:

sling the rubber band. And the reason I think that works is

Judi Miller:

because number one it disrupts your thinking and your story.

Judi Miller:

But it also gets you back into your body where you're truly

Judi Miller:

meant to process these emotions and then let them go. Right.

Judi Miller:

It's the stories that keep repeating. And then the last one

Judi Miller:

that I like to use I actually learned from Tony Robbins years

Judi Miller:

and years ago, and I call it zany crazy thing. So in this

Judi Miller:

seminar, this woman was talking To tell me and she wanted some

Judi Miller:

guidance, and as she was speaking to me, picked up a

Judi Miller:

glass of water and splashed it in her face. And the woman was

Judi Miller:

flabbergasted. Tony is a very loving and caring person. So it

Judi Miller:

shocked her. It shocked her right. So she was flabbergasted.

Judi Miller:

Then she started to talk to Tony again. And she was good. And

Judi Miller:

then about five minutes into it, she started complaining about

Judi Miller:

her husband again, Tony picked up another glass of water

Judi Miller:

splashes interface. And again, he was doing this from a loving

Judi Miller:

place so she could learn. So it taught her two things. Number

Judi Miller:

one, it helped her realize that she was going back into this

Judi Miller:

negative cycle over and over again, so many of us are on

Judi Miller:

autopilot, we don't really realize that we're having all of

Judi Miller:

these negative thoughts over and over again. But it also

Judi Miller:

disrupted the story. It scratched that record. So she

Judi Miller:

couldn't play that story again. And my husband and I have

Judi Miller:

adopted it ourselves. So have you ever gone to an argument

Judi Miller:

whether you've adopted

Brad Miller:

the throw water at each other all the time?

Unknown:

I'm sorry, no, no. So

Judi Miller:

we've changed and we've changed it. My husband

Judi Miller:

threw water in my face. I'm not sure if I would be

Brad Miller:

having fun with you.

Judi Miller:

But have you ever gone to a place where you just

Judi Miller:

have to prove you're correct? I mean, it's sometimes it gets

Judi Miller:

crazy like that with my husband. And and what we agreed to do is

Judi Miller:

not splash water on each other's face. But we agreed to reach

Judi Miller:

over and grab each other by the nose. Oh.

Unknown:

laughing, right.

Judi Miller:

It's so absurd. so crazy that it scratches the

Judi Miller:

record,

Brad Miller:

you can play the story. It's always hit the

Brad Miller:

delete key over and over again and just keep on doing it.

Brad Miller:

Right.

Judi Miller:

Absolutely. Whatever works for different

Judi Miller:

people.

Brad Miller:

Sure. Well, what about the T and nest?

Judi Miller:

So T is a tender loving care. So as I mentioned

Judi Miller:

earlier, when we were talking, I feel so many of us have

Judi Miller:

abandoned ourselves emotionally. So the importance of gratitude,

Judi Miller:

we know again, through the law of attraction, what we focus on

Judi Miller:

grows greater in our awareness. So gratitude, love. And as we

Judi Miller:

wrap this up, I can definitely share with you an exercise on

Judi Miller:

love. So, you know, emotionally, spiritually, how are we taking

Judi Miller:

time for prayer, or meditation or silence or stillness or

Judi Miller:

walking in nature? And it can be different for everyone? And then

Judi Miller:

also physically, are we taking care of ourselves physically, by

Judi Miller:

moving, eating correctly, you know, drinking, sleeping,

Judi Miller:

drinking, water, sleeping, but so many of us have abandoned

Judi Miller:

ourselves, and we need to take care of ourselves that's so

Judi Miller:

important

Brad Miller:

on this journey. Absolutely. Well, that's what

Brad Miller:

we're talking about healing and wholeness and coming to a good

Brad Miller:

place. I like to call that place the promised life, I believe

Brad Miller:

that everyone has a god given promised life at peace,

Brad Miller:

prosperity and purpose. And so many people don't, you know,

Brad Miller:

don't get there, they don't settle for that. The Promised

Brad Miller:

Land is at work. And they just go, they get stuck, and they let

Brad Miller:

adversity crush them. And we live in a time of that. And

Brad Miller:

you're giving us some good, helpful pieces here. And what I

Brad Miller:

really like to bring this around, Judy is this I'd like

Brad Miller:

to, I'm really big in helping our listeners and your readers

Brad Miller:

to have some pragmatic tools, so things they can take with them.

Brad Miller:

That will help them kind of right now, you mentioned a 92nd

Brad Miller:

process where people can make some transformation. And so two

Brad Miller:

things I'd like to hear as anyone that's that your book has

Brad Miller:

influenced or your your teaching, or maybe seminaries

Brad Miller:

were part of that you've seen so transformation take place with

Brad Miller:

them. There may be some hints or tips or some applicable

Brad Miller:

principles that we can help people take away even today.

Judi Miller:

Yeah, definitely. I've experienced it firsthand

Judi Miller:

the transformation by applying these tools and principles in my

Judi Miller:

own life. So that really speaks to me. But I know that so many

Judi Miller:

people feel lonely right now. Yes. And feel isolated. So I

Judi Miller:

discovered this quite by accident. So as I was laying on

Judi Miller:

my healers table, week after week, she would work on me for

Judi Miller:

15 to 45 minutes. And as I laid there, and we can do this right

Judi Miller:

now with your with your listeners and with yourself as

Judi Miller:

well. I would, I would literally lay there with my eyes closed.

Judi Miller:

And as she worked on me, I would bring in an image of a person or

Judi Miller:

place or thing that I loved. When I close my eyes, I actually

Judi Miller:

don't see anything. Some people visualize like myself where it's

Judi Miller:

just complete blackness. So I invite people to not only just

Judi Miller:

see it, but to feel it. What are they hearing, tasting, touching

Judi Miller:

in that scene, that loving memory of that image. And it

Judi Miller:

could be of a spouse, a partner, a friend, it could be a pet. And

Judi Miller:

then when you feel all of those sensations of love, bring in

Judi Miller:

another image. It could be a beautiful sunset that you've

Judi Miller:

seen, and just the emotion and the love that you fell to the

Judi Miller:

gratitude. I believe love and gratitude are some of the

Judi Miller:

highest vibrations on Earth. It could be the first snow snowfall

Judi Miller:

that you've actually ever seen. It could be the first kiss, it

Judi Miller:

could be the birth of your grandchild or the birth of your

Judi Miller:

child. And as I laid there experiencing all of this, my

Judi Miller:

vibration became higher, my heart opened. And one of my good

Judi Miller:

mentors, Dr. Su mortar says, you can actually just lay there

Judi Miller:

also. And you could put your hand on your heart. And you

Judi Miller:

could say, this is for me, and you can multiply it even 10

Judi Miller:

times more. And then you could say, this is me, because the

Judi Miller:

essence of who we are truly is love. And by doing this simple

Judi Miller:

exercise, week after week, I realized that I could create

Judi Miller:

that feeling and emotion of overwhelming love for myself. In

Judi Miller:

any moment. It wasn't dependent on any one any thing or any

Judi Miller:

circumstance. So I invite people to do that, because it's very

Judi Miller:

powerful when we can feel alone and isolated.

Brad Miller:

As that is awesome. And that in and of itself is an

Brad Miller:

awesome exercise, and process and meditative process, a

Brad Miller:

process of personal transformation that people can

Brad Miller:

access and, and some good things to learn for what you're

Brad Miller:

teaching is here today, Judy, Judy, so tell us how people can

Brad Miller:

learn more about you. How about how, what they're going to find

Brad Miller:

when they pick up your book? How can people get connected with

Brad Miller:

Judy Miller?

Judi Miller:

Sure. So I invite them to pick up a copy of

Judi Miller:

perfect the path to love, forgiveness and transformation.

Judi Miller:

And it's broken up into three parts. 80% of it is like a story

Judi Miller:

in a novel. So you want to read through it. There's a handful of

Judi Miller:

pages on reflections on the learnings that you can learn

Judi Miller:

from the book. And then there's some very simple exercises

Judi Miller:

purposely simple to help them embody those lessons, they could

Judi Miller:

pick up a copy of book on Amazon. The E book is actually

Judi Miller:

only available on Amazon. The paperback and hardcover book

Judi Miller:

could be picked up at any reputable retailer. But I invite

Judi Miller:

them to go to Judy with an AI Miller dotnet. Because when they

Judi Miller:

buy the book that can also get five free bonuses from some of

Judi Miller:

my favorite mentors and teachers. And I know that people

Judi Miller:

like free things like myself, so while they're on my website, I

Judi Miller:

also have a free ebook called awaken the creator within and

Judi Miller:

there's no purchase necessary. And all my social media handles

Judi Miller:

are there as well.

Brad Miller:

Awesome. Well, people are going to be wanting

Brad Miller:

to be connected with this. We'll put all these these links and so

Brad Miller:

on in our show notes at Dr. Brad miller.com. And we are certainly

Brad Miller:

have been having a fascinating visit here today and our

Brad Miller:

connection here with Judy Miller. We just thank you for

Brad Miller:

being our guest here today on beyond adversity, where we are

Brad Miller:

looking to help people need to move beyond adversity using

Brad Miller:

principles like you've taught here is here to find our wives

Brad Miller:

of peace and prosperity, and purpose. Again, our guest today

Brad Miller:

we're pleased to have with us the author of perfect a path to

Brad Miller:

love forgiveness or transformation. My name is Judy

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