Fresh Perspectives on Disability: Stories from the Community” with Tracee Garner Author of Introducing Disability: An Anecdotal Field Guide For the Rest of Us
Tracee is an author, speaker, writing coach, and course creator.
She has written several fiction and non-fiction books, mainly aimed at showing the success of African American people in overcoming adversities.
In this episode, Tracee discusses the strategies and principles to use to overcome her disability. She will also talk about the difference between pity and empathy and encourage people who are stuck in life.
The most essential thing for Tracee is to have a strong social network. It could be anyone who will always be there for you. Therefore analyzing those around you is crucial because they may either elevate or lower you.
Also, you must understand that you have to accomplish something with whatever God has given you. So you just simply work with whatever body you have.
According to Tracee, the difference between pity and empathy is that pity has no empowerment; empathy has. A person who shows empathy not just understands the individual but also offers help to the person.
Tracee discusses her book Disability: A Field Guide for the Rest of Us. The book contains short stories about her journey and is helpful for everyone, not just people with disabilities. After reading each chapter, Tracee put a section called Take Action for you to see the actions you must take in order to mitigate the problem.
Tracee Garner’s story is transforming and inspiring. She is a person who lives without limitation, even with a disability, one who proves that a disability will not hinder a person from achieving a dream and doing all the things.
Episode 257 of The Beyond Adversity Podcast is a must-listen for anyone struggling to overcome their situation or disability—those who are down and thinking that they can’t do anything. This story will motivate you to win the battle and rise from the pressure of your challenges.
“The Beyond Adversity Podcast with Dr. Brad Miller is published weekly with the mission of helping people “Grow Through What They Go Through” as they navigate adversity and discover their promised life of peace, prosperity and purpose.
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@TraceeGarnerAuthor/featured
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tracee-garner-8a99a72/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teegarner/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/Teegarner
Transcript
Dr. Brad Miller 0:00
And so let's talk a little bit about some of the strategies
Dr. Brad Miller 0:05
or the processes of how you live your life and how you teach
Dr. Brad Miller 0:08
others how they live their life. And let's talk about in particular,
Dr. Brad Miller 0:12
how, when you made this transition it sound like from
Dr. Brad Miller 0:16
before your writing career to during, and now a part of your
Dr. Brad Miller 0:20
writing career coaching. And so what are some ways you live life
Dr. Brad Miller 0:23
now maybe a little different? What you did before?
Dr. Brad Miller 0:25
What are some of the strategies? Or what are some of the principles
Dr. Brad Miller 0:27
or habits? Or what how do you do your life now
Dr. Brad Miller 0:30
that works for you, that may be helpful to other people?
Tracee Garner 0:33
Well, I think the most important thing for me is really having
Tracee Garner 0:35
a good network, you really need to evaluate the people that are
Tracee Garner 0:39
around you, because they can either bring you up or down.
Dr. Brad Miller 0:43
Your emotional support.
Tracee Garner 0:45
Right. And it could be people that you've adopted,
Tracee Garner 0:47
they don't have to be related to you, they don't have
Tracee Garner 0:49
to be a blood. You know, they can be friends, they can
Tracee Garner 0:52
be colleagues, but they're people who can really, you can
Tracee Garner 0:55
really count on, and who kind of pump you up, you know,
Tracee Garner 0:59
when you really are feeling down, I used to have a best friend,
Tracee Garner 1:02
that I could just call her and say, you know, I need a pep talk.
Tracee Garner 1:06
And she immediately went into this kind of cheerleader mode,
Tracee Garner 1:10
you know, just highlighting the positive attributes about
Tracee Garner 1:13
yourself that you forget. So a really good network is really important.
Tracee Garner 1:18
The next thing is just, you know, acknowledge how you feel,
Tracee Garner 1:21
you know, let's not, let's, you know, sometimes people don't
Tracee Garner 1:24
know what to say to people with disabilities, you know,
Tracee Garner 1:27
they kind of look at you, you know, people that I meet, you
Tracee Garner 1:29
tell them, you have muscular dystrophy, they just kind of look
Tracee Garner 1:31
down, shake their head, like, Oh, my God, what are the what
Tracee Garner 1:35
are all the things to have? How devastating and you know,
Tracee Garner 1:38
it's not devastating, you know, sometimes your life can be a
Tracee Garner 1:41
little bit better than someone else, because you have the right
Tracee Garner 1:44
attitude. So, you know, you have to really take people's views
Tracee Garner 1:48
about you with a grain of salt, and you often have to dismiss
Tracee Garner 1:52
them and do positive self talk. Because that's the other thing,
Tracee Garner 1:55
what are you putting in, I listen to podcasts, I listen to sermons.
Tracee Garner 2:00
One of my favorite scriptures is the parable of the talents.
Tracee Garner 2:03
And in a nutshell, you know, that's about doing something
Tracee Garner 2:07
whatever God gave you. Right? That's what the whole gist
Tracee Garner 2:11
of that is, is that whatever little you have, are big, you have
Tracee Garner 2:17
work with that. So whatever body that I have, that I feel that's
Tracee Garner 2:21
limited or lacking, or you know, half going and half Dragon,
Tracee Garner 2:27
you know, I just work with it, I like come on arm, you know,
Tracee Garner 2:30
we're going this way. Let's, let's all get together and go in
Tracee Garner 2:34
the right direction. So you have to talk to yourself too,
Tracee Garner 2:37
and you have to really consider.
Dr. Brad Miller 2:38
so I'm hearing several things I'm hearing, you know, friendship,
Dr. Brad Miller 2:42
relationships, spiritual event, I'm hurting, I'm hearing you know,
Dr. Brad Miller 2:46
taking action, you know, that type of I mean, just getting
Dr. Brad Miller 2:48
involved with other groups writing, you know, the act of
Dr. Brad Miller 2:51
writing are all important disciplines that you have here.
Dr. Brad Miller 2:55
Now, and, and those are all important things for people to
Dr. Brad Miller 2:58
learn whatever their situation is. But Tracee, I want to throw
Dr. Brad Miller 3:03
a word out to you here. And now see what you think about
Dr. Brad Miller 3:06
this word. That just is coming to my mind as we chat here a
Dr. Brad Miller 3:09
little bit today. And that is a very, very charged word. And
Dr. Brad Miller 3:14
I think it may apply in our conversation here today. And that
Dr. Brad Miller 3:17
word is pity. Pity, and what I want you to reflect with me
Dr. Brad Miller 3:20
a little bit about that word about how that may kind
Dr. Brad Miller 3:23
of be a part of your world, maybe it's not, but how some
Dr. Brad Miller 3:25
people look upon people with disability as I pity them. Or
Dr. Brad Miller 3:29
it is a pitiful situation. How do you deal appropriately with
Dr. Brad Miller 3:35
this word of pity? Either receiving it or kind of feeling it for someone else?
Dr. Brad Miller 3:40
Is this a question you could speak to?
Tracee Garner 3:43
Definitely. And one thing I like to always clarify is, I really
Tracee Garner 3:47
need people to understand the difference between pity
Tracee Garner 3:49
and empathy. You know
Dr. Brad Miller 3:52
Very good point.
Tracee Garner 3:53
Yeah, it's just so important. I wish that we would teach, you know,
Tracee Garner 3:58
younger people to really understand the differences. Pity says,
Tracee Garner 4:03
you know, I feel so sorry for you. This is terrible. What of what,
Tracee Garner 4:08
uh, you know, just ended this is an awful situation to be in empathy
Tracee Garner 4:13
says that, I know that, you know, what you have is not easy.
Tracee Garner 4:17
How can I understand more about it? And how can I help you,
Tracee Garner 4:22
to live with it pity is almost very charitable. You know, like, you
Tracee Garner 4:26
should be given things for free or you don't need to work for them,
Tracee Garner 4:29
or just stay home and collect your Social Security benefits.
Tracee Garner 4:33
First of all, Social Security is not enough to live on. You know,
Tracee Garner 4:36
if you haven't put any time in and done any work. Like that is not
Tracee Garner 4:39
even a viable solution for so many people. And people assume
Tracee Garner 4:44
that that's all you should be doing. And so I think that, you know,
Tracee Garner 4:48
just make and where's it coming from? The other thing I always
Tracee Garner 4:51
ask is, where does your pity for something or someone
Tracee Garner 4:56
come from, you know, do you think I have less than?
Dr. Brad Miller 4:59
Yeah, you know, it's I was going to say oftentimes the word pity,
Dr. Brad Miller 5:02
from my perspective, comes from kind of a one up position,
Dr. Brad Miller 5:05
you know, I'm one up above you. Empathy means we're in this together.
Dr. Brad Miller 5:10
And I love how you your phrase that you because I could be
Dr. Brad Miller 5:15
wrong here but I think sometimes folks with disability situations,
Dr. Brad Miller 5:19
experience kind of that negative connotation of pity, maybe
Dr. Brad Miller 5:24
a little more than they experienced the empathy that we're
Dr. Brad Miller 5:27
kind of in this together. Is that a fair criticism that I'm coming?
Unknown Speaker 5:32
Yes. The one thing about empathy that I think should happen
Tracee Garner 5:37
is how to help part you know, pity to me doesn't offer any help.
Tracee Garner 5:43
It's just let's get in the barrel and cry together. You know,
Tracee Garner 5:47
if there is no empowerment in pity, it's the empowerment is
Tracee Garner 5:51
in the empathy I see that you're struggling and that you have
Tracee Garner 5:55
these you know, issues I want to support you how can we you
Tracee Garner 6:00
know, how can we make disability less injurious to you? Okay,
Tracee Garner 6:05
I want somebody to help me have you know, some a caregiver
Tracee Garner 6:08
comes helps me you know, get ready get dressed, sits up, you
Tracee Garner 6:12
know, make breakfast, get my get myself together, so that
Tracee Garner 6:16
I can do my work. Sure. You know, pity, also says maybe you
Tracee Garner 6:21
shouldn't work. You know, why are you doing that? Why are
Tracee Garner 6:23
you exhausting yourself? This is not at work. It's not exhausting
Tracee Garner 6:26
to me. It's dignifying it just like you do you find dignity in
Tracee Garner 6:30
working and being contributing. And being a taxpayer, we all
Tracee Garner 6:34
hate paying taxes. But it's still a it's an it's a thing that we
Tracee Garner 6:38
do we are we have gotten income, I look at it as a blessing.
Tracee Garner 6:42
I had some income in order to pay the tax absolutely like
Tracee Garner 6:46
that is a frame that we should try to turn around.
Dr. Brad Miller 6:51
Yeah, a framework of dignity over pity and empathy over sympathy
Dr. Brad Miller 6:59
or even that some sometimes, maybe where we need to be
Dr. Brad Miller 7:02
looking at and one of the things you are doing in your life
Dr. Brad Miller 7:06
is offering dignity and empathy and encouragement to
Dr. Brad Miller 7:12
other folks through your writing and through your coaching.
Dr. Brad Miller 7:16
Garner solutions as your coaching company. And so let's talk
Dr. Brad Miller 7:21
for a minute here, Tracee about what you do offer to other
Dr. Brad Miller 7:25
people and the emotional connection that comes out of that.
Dr. Brad Miller 7:29
And maybe let's even talk about not only what you offer
Dr. Brad Miller 7:32
to people through your writing and through your coaching.
Dr. Brad Miller 7:34
But I'd love to hear a story. Maybe somebody who you've
Dr. Brad Miller 7:37
impacted maybe some sort of a oh, you know, a story of
Dr. Brad Miller 7:42
a good news story about someone who has come
Dr. Brad Miller 7:44
into your orbit that you can share with us about
Unknown Speaker 7:48
Yeah, sure. I have stories for days. One such story is I do
Tracee Garner 7:54
coach people through the writing process. And woman came
Tracee Garner 7:57
to me she came to one of my conferences about three years ago
Tracee Garner 8:00
now, maybe four. And she attended and she didn't have a book
Tracee Garner 8:04
that she was thinking of doing or anything like that. In the next
Tracee Garner 8:07
three years, she would have a book that she was working on as
Tracee Garner 8:12
a favor to another gentleman, this lady, Miss Alice, I call her she is
Tracee Garner 8:18
81 years old. And it's just never too late to realize your dream.
Tracee Garner 8:24
And me. I thought the subject matter for the book was about
Tracee Garner 8:29
crew, racing, boats, you know, all kinds of the sport and I
Tracee Garner 8:34
was thinking, I've never done any sports in my life. I've been
Tracee Garner 8:37
diagnosed with disability since two years old, and never bring in.
Tracee Garner 8:41
I never, you know, didn't even marathons but I was helping a
Tracee Garner 8:44
woman put together a book about a sport. And so you know,
Tracee Garner 8:48
just shows you that there is no topic that you can't be a part of.
Tracee Garner 8:53
And that, you know, for her, she realized we got this book, it's
Tracee Garner 8:56
a beautiful book, it has a beautiful clear day picture on it.
Tracee Garner 8:59
I helped her, you know, secure someone to do the cover design,
Tracee Garner 9:03
help her get her ISBN, and really put the book together
Tracee Garner 9:07
doing the technology part. And you know, she being an older
Tracee Garner 9:11
woman and having that retirement pension, it was like,
Tracee Garner 9:14
Yay, you know, I get to add to my own, you know, income and
Tracee Garner 9:19
my bottom line by working with her by her, you know, hiring
Tracee Garner 9:23
me so I really just guided her through the process. She was so happy.
Tracee Garner 9:27
I presented the book to her and the friend, you know, one day
Tracee Garner 9:31
at the Cracker Barrel and we're all there and she's crying and
Tracee Garner 9:33
you know, looking at the book and holding it in her hand.
Dr. Brad Miller 9:39
Those are special moments.
Unknown Speaker 9:40
Yeah. And what if I had been intimidated by writing a book
Tracee Garner 9:43
about sports? Just because I've never done them. I was like,
Tracee Garner 9:46
I can tackle this. I know everything about books. She's not
Tracee Garner 9:49
asking me to do a regatta. She's asking me to you know, help her put this.
Dr. Brad Miller 9:54
It's interesting. Just an 82-year-old woman who's writing
Dr. Brad Miller 9:56
a book about rowing is that right?
Tracee Garner 9:58
Yes.
Dr. Brad Miller 9:59
And yourself, the person who's not an athlete at all, at all.
Dr. Brad Miller:In that certain in that cool house, some things worked out
Dr. Brad Miller:to offer a gift to the world out of some unlikely places. And that's
Tracee Garner:Definitely, and maybe we write another book together too.
Dr. Brad Miller:Oh, good. But sounds like that's an ongoing opportunity that
Dr. Brad Miller:you have there. So what kind of word of encouragement would
Dr. Brad Miller:you give to a person who is discouraged right now, one of the
Dr. Brad Miller:things we'd like to speak to on our podcast is those people
Dr. Brad Miller:who feel stuck in their adversity, you know, they're kind of I
Dr. Brad Miller:call it the malaise of mediocrity, you just kind of keep going
Dr. Brad Miller:around and you're stuck, you're like in molasses or something,
Dr. Brad Miller:and you feel stuck, and they need some encouragement.
Dr. Brad Miller:And you've had your challenges, like, we haven't really talked
Dr. Brad Miller:at all about the racial aspect. And that's a piece of what you
Dr. Brad Miller:teach us, as well, is African American folks triumph over adversity.
Dr. Brad Miller:And the combination of being physically disabled, and
Dr. Brad Miller:African Americans of peace
Tracee Garner:And gender
Dr. Brad Miller:Gender, yeah, so what kind of encouragement would you
Dr. Brad Miller:want to give today to our listening audience? I know
Dr. Brad Miller:there's some, you know, we got a lot of folks out there
Dr. Brad Miller:who are looking for process and, and how to get through
Dr. Brad Miller:stuff. But what kind of words of encouragement give to someone
Dr. Brad Miller:who feeling stuck right now? Maybe it's a physical disability?
Dr. Brad Miller:Maybe it's something else, they're depressed about something?
Dr. Brad Miller:Maybe it's racial? What kind of words would you give to someone
Dr. Brad Miller:out there who may be encouraged by your words here today? Tracee.
Unknown Speaker:Right? Well, the first thing to do is to try to stop focusing on
Tracee Garner:that one thing, or the couple of things that are going wrong,
Tracee Garner:I think you need it really needs to step outside yourself and get
Tracee Garner:around other people. It's something about you know, looking
Tracee Garner:in the mirror, crying at yourself, you know, and playing, you know,
Tracee Garner:sad love songs, that just kind of perpetuates more angst and
Tracee Garner:more anger and frustration about your situation. So when you
Tracee Garner:choose to focus on something else, to do something nice for
Tracee Garner:someone, maybe to volunteer, you know, even in the, in the
Tracee Garner:pandemic, there are people wanting people to just make phone
Tracee Garner:calls, you know, to volunteer virtually from your home. So
Tracee Garner:taking yourself off of others yourself, the focus off of
Tracee Garner:yourself and focusing on others will also help pick you up to
Tracee Garner:write down, you know, writing, I honestly love writing. I don't
Tracee Garner:journal this much, because I feel like I write such volume this
Tracee Garner:books that's my journaling for the character, but write
Tracee Garner:about how you feel sometimes it's Better out than in, you know,
Tracee Garner:write about the fears write about worst-case scenario.
Tracee Garner:Sometimes I like to think in worst-case scenario, you know, why?
Tracee Garner:It helps me planned? In worst case scenario, thoughts helped
Tracee Garner:me plan for best-case scenario plants, you know, so I, I will
Tracee Garner:go there, I will go to what if my primary caregiver passes away?
Tracee Garner:What if I run out of money? Who's going to help me get up?
Tracee Garner:Who's going to look out for me? And take me somewhere?
Tracee Garner:What if the van explodes, and I can't really drive any other
Tracee Garner:vehicle, it doesn't have modifications, all of those things will
Tracee Garner:help you say, you know, and here's what the solutions are.
Tracee Garner:So I have the solutions already written down. Because in a time
Tracee Garner:of stress, you can't really think clearly. So when you are at kind
Tracee Garner:of a low, that is the best time to plan for if this, then that.
Tracee Garner:And that and that is really arming yourself with resources and
Tracee Garner:information. So it doesn't seem so weighty anymore on your shoulders.
Dr. Brad Miller:kind of take control your life instead of life just happening to you.
Dr. Brad Miller:And, you know, plan for the worst, as you've mentioned, but
Dr. Brad Miller:hope not only hope for the best, hopefully plan for the best,
Dr. Brad Miller:you know, and plan for progress. You know, that's one things
Dr. Brad Miller:I like to teach and what we're about here love to talk to our
Dr. Brad Miller:guests to have a plan. Yeah, I call it the promise life of peace,
Dr. Brad Miller:prosperity and purpose. You don't have a goal to go towards.
Dr. Brad Miller:You're kind of the biblical metaphor, the promised land, but
Dr. Brad Miller:you you've got to plan for it, and you got to keep moving forward.
Dr. Brad Miller:You can't just stay stuck and get through that wilderness period.
Dr. Brad Miller:And that in tough time and good things can happen. So I
Dr. Brad Miller:want to kind of bring our discussion around for the resource
Dr. Brad Miller:that you've made available. You mentioned you've author of
Dr. Brad Miller:something like 18 books and a coaching program and
Dr. Brad Miller:traceegarner.com is your website, but you also have a gift or a
Dr. Brad Miller:book that's out there called Disability: A field Guide for the Rest
Dr. Brad Miller:of Us. Yes, it's your making available. And tell us a little bit
Dr. Brad Miller:about that. How can people get that and tell us a bit about
Dr. Brad Miller:people we're going to find when they get the field guide?
Unknown Speaker:Sure that field guide is really around disability topics. But they
Tracee Garner:are universal to what humans experience not just people with
Tracee Garner:disabilities. So I took nine topics of things that I've been through t
Tracee Garner:heir employment chapter, I talked about, you know, the pitfalls
Tracee Garner:that I went through of trying to get getting full employment
Tracee Garner:showing up as myself, you know, kind of the programs that work
Tracee Garner:for me to be I've still been working as a case manager now
Tracee Garner:for almost 14 years. And I love it. I help people find resources.
Tracee Garner:But getting to that point was no easy feat. I've been working
Tracee Garner:since I was 16. So I talked about that. So everything in the book
Tracee Garner:is kind of a story of what I went through a very short story.
Tracee Garner:It's not long, the book is not even probably 200 And something
Tracee Garner:pages but um, nine chapters employment, there's a chapter
Tracee Garner:on emergency preparedness, emergency is not just about
Tracee Garner:coming to get you, you know, in destroying your house emergency
Tracee Garner:is also about you know what other contingency plans. Disability
Tracee Garner:is a complicating matter all in of itself. We don't need any
Tracee Garner:natural disasters, we can have a disaster, just trying to live and
Tracee Garner:things happen. caregiving. There's a chapter on caregiving.
Tracee Garner:There's a chapter on housing and community, and also just,
Tracee Garner:you know, all kinds of things that I've been through, and it's only
Tracee Garner:the first volume. So what I want people to do is, you know, they
Tracee Garner:read the book, and then after every chapter, there's a section
Tracee Garner:called take action. So I give you a list of things that you can
Tracee Garner:do to mitigate foul while around that topic. So it's not just
Tracee Garner:retrace his story, it's retraced the story, see what she's done.
Tracee Garner:And then these are the steps you can take to move forward.