154. How to be Happy Through Meditation with Tamy Khan the “Happy Meditator”

In Episode 154 of the Beyond Adversity Podcast, Dr. Brad Miller talks with the “Happy Meditator” Tamy Khan

Tamy Khan is happiness, mindfulness, meditation coach, yoga teacher and founder of Happy Meditator found at happymeditor.com

Tamy helps people discover a calmer, more meaningful, and happier life that is more centered, grounded, and resilient. She does this with the help of mindfulness techniques, meditation & scientifically proven happiness strategies.

Tamy believes that anybody can create a life with less stress, anxiety, and better-balanced emotions.

Tamy worked for several years as a mental health therapist, there she encountered a lot of people who were unhappy and dissatisfied with their life. As a therapist, she was required to use traditional counseling practices to help them. However, she always felt that these techniques weren’t fully effective in helping people regain control of their lives. It often led to people become dependent on therapy and it would take a long time for them to be able to deal with their problems.

In her own personal life, she also experienced similar dissatisfaction just like many of the clients she worked with. Tamy started looking into non-traditional psychology and practices to improve her own sense of control and wellbeing. She decided to focus on positive psychology, mindfulness, and meditation. She started implementing these scientific-based practices in her own life and experienced positive results quickly.

Tamy knows how it feels to be unhappy and to lack any sense of direction in your life. But as she developed a better understanding of her own needs and learned to establish a positive mindset, she experienced a transformation from within. She began regaining a sense of balance, purpose, and wholeness in her life which inspired her to launch the Happy Meditator.

At happymediator.com Tamy shares her personal and professional experiences with others so they can experience what it feels like to live a mindful happy life. Helping others and teaching has always been a passion and a strong drive is what fills me with joy and gratitude.

The Happy Meditator is Tamy’s life dream of creating a place where people can get inspired and get help with creating the happy life that they want. She believes we all have the potential for happiness and having some guidance in the process can help things fall into place.

She works with people to remap their minds and grow the skills needed for a more mindful wholesome life.

In Episode 154 of The Beyond Adversity Podcast, she shares deeply her story to Dr. Brad Miller about the powerful transformations her happy mediator process can offer to the person who promises themselves to face their adverse life events and to navigate beyond them to a life of peace, prosperity, and purpose.

The Beyond Adversity Podcast is published weekly by Dr. Brad Miller at drbradmiller.com for the purpose of helping people to overcome adversity life events and emerge to a life of peace, prosperity, and purpose.

https://happymeditator.com/

Transcript
Brad Miller:

Dr. Brad Miller, glad to be with you here on

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beyond adversity, to podcast where we help folks like you to

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navigate beyond depression or disease or divorce or some other

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thing that has you stuck in order for help you to come to a

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place that I like to call the promised life a piece of peace,

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prosperity and purpose. We do that through teaching and

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leadership and talking to people who have processes, and

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methodologies and strategies that can help you to navigate

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adversity in your life. And we have a happy person with us

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today. She is the happy meditator. Her name is Tammy

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Khan. And she specializes in helping folks to release stress

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to reset their mind and body and enjoy a peaceful night's sleep.

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And she's a happy person. So welcome to the podcast today.

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The Happy meditator Tammy Kahn.

Tamy Khan:

Thank you so much for having me here. I'm very

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grateful and excited to go through this interview with you,

Tamy Khan:

Brad. Awesome.

Brad Miller:

Well, we're glad to have had you Tammy. Happy

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meditator. What makes you happy? What makes you happy? My friend?

Tamy Khan:

Yeah. Happiness is a journey that I'll say I started

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around seven years ago, as a result of health problem.

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adversity. Yes, very connected to our re when are we talking

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today, I found myself lost, I found myself stuck. And I had a

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background in mental health in social work. So I knew I was not

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clinically depressed, I couldn't diagnose myself on the press.

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But I was deeply unhappy, that I knew for sure. And at that time,

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I decided to enroll in a happiness course. And I thought

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there are things in my life that I know they're going well, but

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I'm feeling mentally so stuck, that I'm not able to see pass

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through my mental blocks. Part of this course that I took on

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happiness, got me thinking about other mindfulness strategies

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that I have used before, but I was not being very consistent.

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So I start to create this sort of pillars of foundation, in

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which I started to build really, a truly happy life. And one of

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the first things I realized in this happiness journey is that I

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was focusing on the wrong things I was focusing on, on holding on

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to things that were external factors that were basically

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blocking my happiness. And once I realized that the flaw thing

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here, it was my own definition of happiness, that I needed to

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restructure that and build a in my life, more habits, that were

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truly going to guide me to be more happy. things started to

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change, for me really quickly. And one of the things about

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happiness that I think this past year, has put a lot of us into

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testing, right, really testing our tools. And I'm happy to

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report that that journey that I started seven years ago, and

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those tools that I put into practice are still working for

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me, even in the deeply adverse conditions that we're all going

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through at this time.

Brad Miller:

Yes, well, of course, we're referring to at

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least I believe, you're referring to the COVID crisis of

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pandemic and all these other things we're dealing with, as we

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talk here on the first few days of 2021. And of how people get

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stuck, don't they they can get stuck, or they can get sidelined

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by adverse conditions. And and you don't many people go to this

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unhappy place, don't think and, and you were in this unhappy

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place, and you don't have to go into great detail. But what were

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some of the factors that took you to that unhappy place? And

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then what were you so you mentioned taking a course for

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us? So what were some of the actions that you took to break

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those patterns?

Tamy Khan:

Well, the first thing, as I mentioned was my

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definition of happiness was wrong. I was focusing mostly on

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external factors to determine my happiness. Just to give you an

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example, I was thinking, you know, my career needs to change

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for me unable to be happy. my financial situation needs to

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change my relationships needs to change all these sort of

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external things that I have no control of. So one of the first

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thing I realized that my happiness needs to be based on

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things I have control of, and those pillars that I learned

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from the happiness scores. For for putting them into practice

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where basically strategies focus on building a growth mindset,

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building emotional resilience, building a mindful life, and

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mostly focusing on given my life a sense of purpose, a sense of

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meaning, a sense of contribution that was deeply lacking at that

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time.

Brad Miller:

Hmm, that's awesome. That's awesome. So you

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took some actions to do that. And you realize that the whole

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better job and better relationships and all that kind

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of thing, we're not going to be the answer, totally, you had to

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go to an inner place. And tell me about, you know, the source

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of some of this strength and power. I believe strength and

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power, you know, also comes from when we believe there's, there's

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more to ourselves here, meaning that, you know, we have to go to

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source of power beyond ourselves. And some people

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meditate. And some people have prayerful or spiritual practices

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or other things, mentors, tell us about any external factors

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that were a part of this process. I don't mean that new

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job, this kind of thing. But what influenced you to look for

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a source greater than yourself, or to give you some strength and

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power here?

Tamy Khan:

Yeah. One of the things that I realized that my

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mind was mostly focused on negativity, I had a very sort of

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limited mindset at the time. And I realized that for many years,

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I have lost focus on spirituality. So that was

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something that I realized that at the time, I needed to find a

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place that I could find a center that I could find inner peace,

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and most Slee, that, that could find a refuge that will help me

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enabled break all those mental barriers I had created for

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myself, meditation, there became a core practice for me, to find

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that deeper sense of balance. One of the things you begin to

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realize when you begin a meditation practice is the lack

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of mental clarity, clarity we have. And one of the things I

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realized that I had distanced myself from really connecting,

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as you mentioned, with an inner source. And I began also to

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develop other practices that helped me enable to see that and

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my other important connection that I call my spiritual

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practice, is by connecting with nature, when we connect with

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what nature is Mother Earth, we can see that they there has to

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be something greater than us, that is able to connect all

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these sources of energy and evolve and enable for us to

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still be here. So those are two fundamental things that I think

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what are so deeply in this journey?

Brad Miller:

And what are some of the ways that you do that?

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And what are you very purposeful and connected with nature, like,

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oh, hiking, or walking or, you know, skiing or whatever, tell

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me a little bit about how you connect with nature.

Tamy Khan:

I love to meditate in nature. Because I can use their

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mindfulness tools to connect with my body to connect with my

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breath. But also, there's this deep connection that we can see,

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to a higher power, or whatever you want to call it in nature,

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that it's not all really soothing physically for us. To

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me, it started connecting the sense of spirituality, with

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energy, energy that comes from how things grow, how life is how

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we're all deeply connected into higher things that sometimes we

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cannot see through the senses, but we can feel within us. And

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for me, walking meditations and stillness in nature is is my way

Tamy Khan:

of practicing that spiritual connection.

Brad Miller:

That's awesome. That's awesome. Let's talk about

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relationships. For a moment, Tammy. And I'm, uh, you know,

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you mentioned how you, one of the factors you were kind of

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looking for when you were looking other ways to achieve

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happiness was how our new job or new relationships might make a

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difference for you. And what I want to talk about is positive

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relationships or with other folks and how that is a fuel

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that helps us to sustain life change. And we're talking here

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about ways we can overcome adversity I, you know, the

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circumstances we find ourselves in whether it's a pandemic or

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health situation or loss of a job or any thing else. We got to

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find strategies you can get And sometimes people can be helpful

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that you sought out a class, for instance, but tell us about how

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relationships can help us and fuel us or whether they be you

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know, in person, family, friends, mentors, or possibly

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given, you know, books or other other resources tell, but the

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power of relationships to help us to navigate through

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adversity.

Tamy Khan:

One of the most important things for happiness

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and for thriving in life is the quality of our relationships.

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When we look at our most important sources of love and

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trust, they deeply come from relationships, relationships

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with Bill with people we love, and they're around us, it could

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be a relationship to a higher power, it could also be their

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relationship we develop with tangible things. And an

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important thing that we know now for building mental resilience

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and dealing with adverse adversity is that we all need

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support. No matter what sort of situation you're dealing with,

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the resources that you have available can determine whether

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you thrive and grow from a situation, or whether you feel

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stuck and on resourceful. One important thing when it comes to

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building relationship, as you mentioned, is that those

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relationships need to be positive, to really help us

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grow. So one of the things I realized that my focus, when I

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was deeply struggling on happiness, it was that I was

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expecting others to change. And I was not taking the initiative

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for me to develop within me the strengths too, for me to change

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what I was hoping the other person to do. And I started to

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change that perspective. And I think this is something really

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powerful when it comes to strengthening our relationships,

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we need to take control of the things we can do to really build

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positive relationships, whether that is through forgiveness,

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whether it was whether that is for us to be more affectionate,

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more loving, more resourceful, whatever it is, we cannot wait

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for other people to change, in order for us to build a positive

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relationship

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are some of the things that we could do that,

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you know, if we have kind of a pattern in our life, and you

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know, let's just take a long term relationship, whether it's

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a marriage or a family grew up in or long term working

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relationship, you know, there are patterns, you can get into

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getting kind of stuck in those. Sometimes it can be destructive

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or unhealthy. What are sort of things? When you chose to do

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some changes in order to improve your relationships? What are

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some specific things that we can do?

Tamy Khan:

Yeah, there's two very practical tools that I

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recommend people to do when they're stuck in a situation.

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First of all, you need to evaluate, what is the source? If

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you're dealing with a problem in that relationship? What is the

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source? And what is the situation that you're dealing

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with, that you have control of? One practice that I recommend

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people to do, when they lack that sense of clarity on how to

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deal with a situation is to do loving kindness meditation? I'm

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not sure if you if you have heard about this type of

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meditation?

Brad Miller:

No, please unpack it a little bit for us, please,

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yes,

Tamy Khan:

basically, is a meditation that you focus on

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repeating phrases that you want to bring into the relationship,

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let's say you're dealing with a problematic situation with a

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loved one, that you are thinking that you might end up in

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divorce, just to put something out there. And you are hoping

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for that person to change, but that has not happened. And you

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want to find a place of peace. So you can have the inner

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resources to deal with a relationship or whatever, it's,

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it's happening. So you bring this frases of the things you

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feel you need in that relationship, whether it's love,

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whether it's patience, whether it's empathy, compassion, and

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you repeat this, this phrases for yourself and for that

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person, you are having the challenge with them. Just to

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give you a simple example it will be May I be peaceful? May I

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be patient? May I have wisdom to deal with this relationship? And

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then you say the name of the person and you repeat the same

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phrases. This case, you know, may Brad be happy may Brad find

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a way to be patient. So you adapt these phrases and you sit

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in meditation and you repeat this phrases. This is actually a

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proven scientific practice that has been shown to really help

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people strengthen relationships. The other important tool that I

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recommend to people is to work also with forgiveness practices.

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Sometimes the the situations that have had happened in our

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past contributed a lot with us being stuck and not being able

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to move forward. And it could be sometimes that we need to let

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go, we need to let go of the of those things that happen in the

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past. So we can build a future. And they are multiple

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forgiveness practices that you could do, whether is writing a

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forgiveness letter, whether it is doing even forgiveness,

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meditation, and I feel that those could be deeply healing

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practices that could enable us to overcome challenges and

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relationships.

Brad Miller:

That's very helpful. I think one of the

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things I really like to share with the beyond adversity.

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Audience is these practical practices, self disciplines,

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habits that we can do and, and you know, you've listed several

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good people can apply there, let's just say that there is a

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person who is deeply impacted by the profound challenges they

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have found around the COVID crisis that the whole world is

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going under. And it's been exacerbated by a number of

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circumstances, maybe, you know, health related or job related or

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relationship related, but they're kind of stuck. But I'd

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like for us, for us to kind of address that person with

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basically what are some of the self disciplines or habits or

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practices that we could implement in our lives to help

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us to break the pattern, get out of adversity and least move

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towards, you know, this happiness to you. advocate here

Brad Miller:

is the happy meditator.

Tamy Khan:

Yeah, one of the first things that we need to

Tamy Khan:

understand is that happiness goes beyond feeling joyful are

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feeling, you know, this sense of optimism. I want people to

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consider being happy with connecting within your peace,

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connecting with mental balance, connecting with a sense of

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serenity, dealing now with all the adversities, and uncertainty

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we are experiencing. If we think that happiness is only about

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being joyful and optimistic, we're going to have a difficult

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time. So we need to reset and find a more present definition

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for happiness. For me right now, my definition of happiness is to

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feel myself that I'm calm, that I'm balanced, and that I feel

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content and grateful for what my life is right now. So I have

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built daily practices that I do myself, and I recommend to

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people those daily habits, to keep me set on what is my

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definition of happiness right now, our definition needs to

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evolve and change within the circumstances we're dealing

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with. I know the first things I recommend to people is that on a

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daily basis, we need to connect with centering practices,

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whether for you is a meditation, prayer, reading the Bible,

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connecting with nature, we need to find things that connect us

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with feeling trust, and feeling safe. So we can calm down all

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our nervous are central system, that's one of the first things.

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Secondly, we need to connect with things that are energy

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boosters. So every day to the best we can we need to do

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physical things that get our body moving. And we need to

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focus as well, on getting good sleep. good sleep is something

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that I feel people neglect so much. And it deeply helps us be

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more mentally balanced, be more calm, and also enables our brain

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to recharge so we have more physical energy to connect

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better with the diversity we're dealing with on a daily basis.

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Another important practice that I think we mentioned earlier

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relationships every day we need to spend time connecting with

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loved ones. And a practice that I recommend and I do actually in

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one of my courses is emphasize the importance of affection.

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Every day, we need to express love and receive love. Whether

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is with a kiss, whether is with a hug, whether it is petting our

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animals, whether is making a connection through a phone call,

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we need to be sure that we connect with sources of love on

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a daily basis and from affection is a very quick, simple way for

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us to do that in our relationships. And finally, in

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in circumstances that we feel that life feels too much, when

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we look around, we will always find people that live for them,

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it's harder than ourselves. So connecting with purpose and a

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sense of contribution that we are helping others that are more

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in need is a very positive strategy. So build within your

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schedule, and I say this to people, acts of kindness that

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you can do to at least two or three times during your week,

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whether is paying for a coffee for the next person in

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Starbucks, whether is given a call to an elderly neighbor and

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see if they need help with anything, whether it is to go

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and volunteer within the limits of our current situation. When

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we help others, we build resilience.

Brad Miller:

Yeah. So make a contribution. I've noticed a few

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things you mature, calming the mind, engaging the body with

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some movement, and also restoring the body with sleep,

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connecting with affection with your loved ones, with physical

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signs and verbal signs. And then connecting with a purpose of

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contributions are all great things. But I just want to push

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back with you just a little bit here. Your Tammy in the sense

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that, you know, a lot of folks are really stressed with their

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schedule their time, you know, I'll just give an example. My

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daughter is about your age and two granddaughters, one of my

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granddaughters is two months old and going back to work and

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babysitters and, you know, all the old life is she talks a lot

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about the stresses of her schedule. I believe in

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everything you're saying here. But I want to talk to you about

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implementation for a minute, either through like a morning

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routine or some other process, how can a person implement

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everything you're talking about here and still get a duck,

Brad Miller:

whatever they're going on in their life, tell you about any

Brad Miller:

ways that you can implement this?

Tamy Khan:

Yeah, we need to work with the tools we have right

Tamy Khan:

now. And the reality of our situation is that our tools are

Tamy Khan:

limited. Our resources are limited right now. So we need to

Tamy Khan:

reset our expectations, to making things work for us within

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when we have for me that has been that I need to step back

Tamy Khan:

and readjust the time I spent in these strengthening tools. So

Tamy Khan:

like you mentioned, I'm a mother. So I'm in a similar

Tamy Khan:

situation. I have young kids at home. And we're coping right now

Tamy Khan:

parents with a lot of things. So I realized that one of the

Tamy Khan:

things I needed to do is that I needed to start my morning

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earlier for me to establish a morning routine to set those

Tamy Khan:

center in practice that are essential for me. And also, I

Tamy Khan:

realized that I had to work around with adjusting things. So

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they work for me. So instead of doing things that I used to be

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able to do before because the kids were in school, now I need

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to find all the times in the day to still do those things. One of

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the important aspects that we need to realize is that we are

Tamy Khan:

not going to meet all the things we were able to do before we are

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right now in a situation that we are surviving and struggling

Tamy Khan:

with dealing with a pandemic. So whatever we do, we need to be

Tamy Khan:

compassionate and kind to ourselves, that we might not be

Tamy Khan:

able to be our best every day. And an important aspect that I

Tamy Khan:

mentioned earlier that I say to people, if you feel tired,

Tamy Khan:

exhausted at night, and you think Well, I didn't get that

Tamy Khan:

workout done. I didn't get that thing on my to do list and not

Tamy Khan:

possible. Put those things to the side, tomorrow will be

Tamy Khan:

another day and focus on getting sleep. We cannot sacrifice our

Tamy Khan:

sleep. And part of the the pillars for well being is for us

Tamy Khan:

to really focus on the main important things. So for me is

Tamy Khan:

centering is my sleep, and ensuring I connect to love on a

Tamy Khan:

daily basis. And then when you have time for those other spare

Tamy Khan:

extra things, you figure out 510 minutes within your schedule

Tamy Khan:

that you are able to fit those other things.

Brad Miller:

So here you say 10 to give yourself a break and

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maybe apply some of the kindness you might have. Or forgive this

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you might have applied to other people to yourself as well. Give

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yourself a break in there. You got lots of resources that are

Brad Miller:

helpful to people that happy meditator calm and courses and

Brad Miller:

no There are good things there and that you have there. But I'd

Brad Miller:

like for you to share with you, I'm sure you've been working

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with folks as well. But tell us about a person or situation you

Brad Miller:

have worked with, where you've seen a person to be able to, you

Brad Miller:

know, navigate some stresses in their life or adversities. And

Brad Miller:

to come out to a better place, out of some of the rich, you

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know, coaching or conversations or resources that you provide,

Brad Miller:

tell us about a success story.

Tamy Khan:

I have so many wonderful stories, because I'm

Tamy Khan:

so grateful for the type of work that I do. But um, I want to

Tamy Khan:

talk to you about one of more, or one of the people that I have

Tamy Khan:

connected with that dealt with really tragic adversity. And

Tamy Khan:

we're talking about trauma from tragedy of losing a child, and

Tamy Khan:

not being able to recover for more than 20 years. 20 years

Tamy Khan:

involve that person being stuck in alcoholism, being stuck with

Tamy Khan:

mental health problems, bipolar problems, and all sorts of

Tamy Khan:

resources, that throughout 20 years, she was trying her truly

Tamy Khan:

best to pull herself out by she was really struggling. And not

Tamy Khan:

until she found meditation, she was not able to obtain that

Tamy Khan:

mental clarity. Why because when our body gets exposed to trauma,

Tamy Khan:

it backs basically starts to set faulty signals through our

Tamy Khan:

brain, that if we don't find practices to rebalance, and

Tamy Khan:

recalibrate our nervous system, we could be stuck for years and

Tamy Khan:

years and cycles of depression, negative unhealthy habits like

Tamy Khan:

alcoholism, or also this other addictive habits. And once she

Tamy Khan:

was able to establish a consistent meditation practice,

Tamy Khan:

she was suddenly able to see more clearly why she has been

Tamy Khan:

stuck all those years. The second aspect that we work with

Tamy Khan:

was emotional intelligence. And once she was able to have the

Tamy Khan:

sense of mental clarity, we started to work with all those

Tamy Khan:

emotions that were stuck in her and, and try to, for her to be

Tamy Khan:

able to understand what was going on and how to cope with

Tamy Khan:

emotions. Thoroughly, she established a consistent

Tamy Khan:

gratitude practice. So instead of focusing consistently, and

Tamy Khan:

what was going wrong in her life, or what went wrong in the

Tamy Khan:

past, her focus became what is the goodness I do have right

Tamy Khan:

now. And finally, she was also a very resourceful person. And she

Tamy Khan:

decided to use her personal suffering as a tool to

Tamy Khan:

contribute to the world. So she started to develop support

Tamy Khan:

groups, for people that were dealing with grief as well. So

Tamy Khan:

she connected all these resources that she already have.

Tamy Khan:

But she didn't have the mental clarity to see that she had all

Tamy Khan:

these strengths. And this is why meditation became such a

Tamy Khan:

powerful tool for her.

Brad Miller:

Yes. And you were able to kind of guide her and

Brad Miller:

coach her in this whole process. And that brings me to the

Brad Miller:

process

Tamy Khan:

of life coaching and and also group work.

Brad Miller:

Good. But tell us about what if folks are finding

Brad Miller:

themselves and they such as this woman needed some coaching

Brad Miller:

direction group work, things like that, that they can turn to

Brad Miller:

you? What are they going to find with the Tambay con at the

Brad Miller:

happy, meditator calm? What kind of resources they're going to

Brad Miller:

find there? How can you be helpful to people who really do

Brad Miller:

want to break the pattern of adversity and come to a better

Brad Miller:

place in their life?

Tamy Khan:

Well, the first thing, when people come to me,

Tamy Khan:

we need to understand what is really the difficulties they're

Tamy Khan:

dealing with. And that comes back again to mental clarity. So

Tamy Khan:

we identify a meditation practice that they could start

Tamy Khan:

doing straight away, to try to connect with that centering

Tamy Khan:

element that we all need. The second thing we do is go through

Tamy Khan:

a process or attempt to find strength. To deal with

Tamy Khan:

adversity. We need to work with the strengths we have right now.

Tamy Khan:

We cannot focus on weaknesses and that's something that keeps

Tamy Khan:

a lot of people stuck dealing with problems and then looking

Tamy Khan:

at what they're weak or what is not working. So we need to find

Tamy Khan:

the tools that bring us strength and power. To really make your

Tamy Khan:

those actions that you need to take. Thirdly, we look into

Tamy Khan:

exploring what's going on with their relationships right now,

Tamy Khan:

and see what mindfulness practices we can bring to

Tamy Khan:

strengthen relationships, as we mentioned earlier, connecting

Tamy Khan:

more with a sense of love and trust. And finally, we work at

Tamy Khan:

building emotional resilience. So that's another very important

Tamy Khan:

tool with again, mindfulness practices that enable people not

Tamy Khan:

only for me to help them where they are right now, is about

Tamy Khan:

building tools of silliness that will help you now and for the

Tamy Khan:

rest of your life.

Brad Miller:

Well, that's awesome. And so you obviously

Brad Miller:

have found a way to navigate adversity in your own life. And

Brad Miller:

now you're using your experiences to help other folks

Brad Miller:

and we have evidence of that and some great tools and our

Brad Miller:

conversation today indicates you really have a thought thought

Brad Miller:

out and thoughtful process to be helpful, and we appreciate you

Brad Miller:

you're doing that. So she is the happy meditator. Her name is tan

Brad Miller:

because you can find her happy meditator calm, where she can

Brad Miller:

help you in your life to regain balance in purpose and wholeness

Brad Miller:

and to be happy. So thank you, Tammy, for being with us today