153. How to Quiet Your Mind and Create an Epic Life with Matthew Ferry

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On Episode 153 of the Beyond Adversity Podcast, Dr. Brad Miller has a conversation with Matthew Ferry (matthewferry.com) the author of “Quiet Mind-Epic Life: Escape The Status Quo And Experience Enlightened Prosperity Now!”

Matthew Ferry is a thriving executive life coach and spiritual teacher. For the last 26 years, Ferry has coached thousands of top performers to achieve Enlightened Prosperity™. His books, videos, audios, and seminars utilize his street-tested methodology called The Rapid Enlightenment Process™. 

Matthew Ferry’s promise is simple: Quiet your mind so you can create an epic life, that is filled with Enlightened Prosperity. His down-to-earth approach empowers you to rise above the unwanted chatter and negativity of the mind. Matthew says, “When your mind is quiet, you feel profound peace and your life becomes extraordinary. No ashram required.”

Matthew talks to Brad about the process of assembling the people and processes to relate to your own mind as a continual process of human emerging which allows you to experience a fulfilling, prosperous, peaceful life-an epic life. 

The Beyond Adversity Podcast is published weekly by Dr. Brad Miller for the purpose of helping people to navigate adverse life events (depression, divorce, disease, debt, and death) to emerge to a promised life of peace, prosperity, and purpose.

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Transcript
Brad Miller:

with Matthew ferry, the author of quiet mind, epic

Brad Miller:

life, escaped the status quo and experienced enlightened

Brad Miller:

prosperity now, Matthew, Welcome to Beyond adversity. I am

Brad Miller:

excited to be here. I hope we can make a difference for our

Brad Miller:

listeners today. Well, I know that you can and your

Brad Miller:

conversations already indicated, you've got some great content on

Brad Miller:

Matthew ferry COMM And your books are all going to be

Brad Miller:

helpful. It's all about quieting your mind. But I think in your

Brad Miller:

life, maybe you've had times when your mind wasn't so quiet.

Brad Miller:

So tell us for the buts about some things you had to face in

Brad Miller:

your life in order to come to the place of sharing some of the

Brad Miller:

good things with our audience.

Matthew Ferry:

I think it all It all began for me at around nine

Matthew Ferry:

years old, and I was having some pretty intense experiences,

Matthew Ferry:

where I felt like I was leaving my body. And in doing so there

Matthew Ferry:

was this peace and this joy in unity and oneness that was so

Matthew Ferry:

incredible and overwhelming. And I didn't know what it was. But

Matthew Ferry:

each time it stopped happening, it was it was so incredibly

Matthew Ferry:

disheartening. And I spent most of my childhood, my youth and

Matthew Ferry:

and into my 20s really searching for that feeling again, and and

Matthew Ferry:

like most people, I tried drugs that didn't work, I had sex and

Matthew Ferry:

that didn't work. And then I tried to be, like, adored and

Matthew Ferry:

loved I was trying to be a rock star when I was a kid. And that

Matthew Ferry:

didn't work either. Then I then I got into the business world

Matthew Ferry:

and really got on the success train and thought, this success.

Matthew Ferry:

This is really the ticket. But I was extremely successful very

Matthew Ferry:

early on in my 20s. You know, I was doing very well financially

Matthew Ferry:

and professionally and yet my mind was still filled with anger

Matthew Ferry:

and resentment and self doubt. And why isn't the world

Matthew Ferry:

listening to me and doing what I wanted to do? And you know, just

Matthew Ferry:

all kinds of negative thoughts. And there's always been this

Matthew Ferry:

poll this draw to figure out how do I get how do I rise above all

Matthew Ferry:

of these negative thoughts in my mind, and, and ultimately it has

Matthew Ferry:

become my life's work. And through coaching 10s of 1000s of

Matthew Ferry:

people through the process, I actually have come up with a

Matthew Ferry:

systematic way of doing it now.

Brad Miller:

Well, that's awesome. We part of what we want

Brad Miller:

to learn today is a little bit about your systematic way of

Brad Miller:

doing that. And part of your system, I take it from your

Brad Miller:

looking through your website and getting to know you a little bit

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is you got to break some patterns, you've got to move out

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of what you're doing and to break some patterns are taking

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some action and helps a little bit a part of your process. What

Brad Miller:

are some action taking moments or bolt actions that we can

Brad Miller:

take, to start to break out of that place where I had to come

Brad Miller:

to a better place a quiet mind,

Matthew Ferry:

I think there's some of the most important

Matthew Ferry:

things you can do. It will be one to embrace negativity, as

Matthew Ferry:

the road to positivity. And most of us coming from more new age

Matthew Ferry:

or popular, you know, positive thinking movement we were we

Matthew Ferry:

fear negative thoughts, when in fact your negative thoughts are

Matthew Ferry:

just your survival system, you're there your biology doing

Matthew Ferry:

its job. And if you resist it, it does it more. And if you make

Matthew Ferry:

it wrong, it does it more. And so what I found is that going

Matthew Ferry:

into a state of total and complete acceptance of our

Matthew Ferry:

negative thoughts and recognizing it as our biology

Matthew Ferry:

really, really helps. And that's very bold, most people

Matthew Ferry:

especially if they're listening to your podcast, or reading,

Matthew Ferry:

reading my books or things like that, you know, they're going to

Matthew Ferry:

be indoctrinated towards, we got to be positive and being

Matthew Ferry:

negative is bad. And actually being negative is phenomenal.

Matthew Ferry:

It's it's been the single most important thing that that has

Matthew Ferry:

led to the survivability of human beings. But in the end, we

Matthew Ferry:

have to honor appreciate and accept our negative thinking.

Matthew Ferry:

And then I think one adding in one more bold action would be to

Matthew Ferry:

accept the worst case scenario of our thinking because our mind

Matthew Ferry:

is for I call my mind the drunk monkey. And the drunk monkey is

Matthew Ferry:

phenomenal at pretending that it's psychic and that it can

Matthew Ferry:

predict the future. So really addressing the negative futures

Matthew Ferry:

that the drunk monkey is is projecting, going all the way

Matthew Ferry:

down to those really terrible outcomes, and then saying,

Matthew Ferry:

alright, if this happens, what's my plan? And if you'll create a

Matthew Ferry:

plan to deal with the worst boom, all of a sudden, the mind

Matthew Ferry:

stops catastrophizing and you begin to experience so much more

Matthew Ferry:

peace.

Brad Miller:

You know that having that plan seems like Be a

Brad Miller:

vital part of it when you make about the drunk monkey, I saw

Brad Miller:

that in your website reminded me of Seth Godin said, teaching

Brad Miller:

about the lizard mind. But the bad how we can take things just

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go off on a tangent and go into these dark, deep, dark places.

Brad Miller:

If we use that in a different sort of way, if we get stuck

Brad Miller:

there, that's one thing. But if we can use that, and motivate us

Brad Miller:

to a better place, that's it, that's taking bold action. And

Brad Miller:

you gotta have a plan to do that. And that's what your book

Brad Miller:

helps us to do. It turns out the process that you use, you use a

Brad Miller:

lot of techniques and things like that, to help us to quiet

Brad Miller:

our mind. What role if any, does connecting somehow beyond

Brad Miller:

ourselves to some sort of a higher purpose or a greater good

Brad Miller:

or something beyond ourselves spiritual, meditative, anything

Brad Miller:

like that? How do what parts is a play in your process?

Matthew Ferry:

I think it's incredibly important at as you

Matthew Ferry:

become more connected to your spiritual self, whether that be

Matthew Ferry:

through some sort of religious process or faith based process,

Matthew Ferry:

or maybe it's just your own inner investigation, you're

Matthew Ferry:

reaching for a new context, a context that that ultimately

Matthew Ferry:

says that all is well all is perfect. Enlightenment itself, I

Matthew Ferry:

define it as the recognition that the source of life for you

Matthew Ferry:

is the source of life for everyone and everything that

Matthew Ferry:

we're all one thing essentially expressing itself with infinite

Matthew Ferry:

variety. And if you are a little more science minded, then you

Matthew Ferry:

would just look at Science, Science has very likely

Matthew Ferry:

discovered the presence of quote, unquote, God, there's a

Matthew Ferry:

background field of energy and information that all things are

Matthew Ferry:

an expression of there are at this moment, I think about 36

Matthew Ferry:

particles that we've discovered, that are self assembling into

Matthew Ferry:

every single thing in the entire universe, that there is an

Matthew Ferry:

omnipresent background field of energy and information that out

Matthew Ferry:

of that, there is a self assembling into all things that

Matthew Ferry:

we are that you are that I experienced, you experienced

Matthew Ferry:

that everything is. And as you step all the way back, and get

Matthew Ferry:

connected to that unifying idea that we're all basically the

Matthew Ferry:

same thing. expressing itself. There's a, there's a piece, the

Matthew Ferry:

adversity that you're experiencing in that moment

Matthew Ferry:

actually starts to take a different shape. And you begin

Matthew Ferry:

to say, Oh, the adversity is also this one thing expressing

Matthew Ferry:

itself. And, and my resistance to it is this one thing, I think

Matthew Ferry:

that you connecting to a, a broader context. And really,

Matthew Ferry:

that's spirituality is about broadening out the context,

Matthew Ferry:

becoming more aware of what's happening in your life and in

Matthew Ferry:

your world. As you do that, adversity becomes much more

Matthew Ferry:

graceful and effortless.

Brad Miller:

And part of the process, and here is how do we

Brad Miller:

you know, make those connections between that which you speak of

Brad Miller:

there. And that dark place that some of us go to? And what do

Brad Miller:

you think are some of the ways I don't know if some I think all

Brad Miller:

of us go to those dark places? Yes. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Brad Miller:

You know, we all go to those dark places, but some of us stay

Brad Miller:

stuck there. And some of us find a way out. And I believe that

Brad Miller:

connect to that higher power is one of the ways to do that. And,

Brad Miller:

and what do you think, are some of the methodologies, what are

Brad Miller:

some of the process that people can do to start to make that

Brad Miller:

connection between that, that higher plane and bridging to get

Brad Miller:

to those dark places,

Matthew Ferry:

I think they're, you know, I talked about it in

Matthew Ferry:

my book. And then I also have a free app for people to download,

Matthew Ferry:

which is just my name, Matthew ferry, and in that I have 23

Matthew Ferry:

daily practices that they can take on, you know, either 23

Matthew Ferry:

days in a row or, you know, in whatever, whatever feels good to

Matthew Ferry:

you. But that some of those practices, for example, are, are

Matthew Ferry:

to admit that you're not the ruler of the universe, that you

Matthew Ferry:

don't know how life should be. And that, in fact, your opinion,

Matthew Ferry:

is the source of your suffering. That if you step back and

Matthew Ferry:

acknowledge, oh, wow, I have this opinion, because I'm trying

Matthew Ferry:

to survive. In a non survival situation. I'm trying to be

Matthew Ferry:

right, and be important, so that I can get preferred treatment.

Matthew Ferry:

And none of that is actually valid or necessary. If you can

Matthew Ferry:

begin to recognize that your mind is not your friend. Your

Matthew Ferry:

mind doesn't care about you. Nobody else calls you fat and

Matthew Ferry:

stupid. If they did, they wouldn't be your friend. Right?

Matthew Ferry:

You let your mind treat you badly on a regular basis and you

Matthew Ferry:

relate to your mind like it is is a source of true information.

Matthew Ferry:

And all science points to that, that the mind cannot be relied

Matthew Ferry:

upon for anything true or factual whatsoever. So starting

Matthew Ferry:

to starting to relate to the mind in a different way, will

Matthew Ferry:

help to get us connected to this idea that we are this process

Matthew Ferry:

of, of human emerging. And we're trying to have an incredible

Matthew Ferry:

experience in the process. And we have all this old, outdated

Matthew Ferry:

information that comes in with us, that makes us think that we

Matthew Ferry:

should try to survive in these non survival situations. And so

Matthew Ferry:

I know I'm rambling just a little bit, but I'm trying to

Matthew Ferry:

clumping a whole bunch of things together. Well,

Brad Miller:

that's what I'm looking for really, is processes

Brad Miller:

and relationships that are important, because, you know,

Brad Miller:

the nature of your book says the quiet mind. And if you quiet

Brad Miller:

your mind that can lead us to a place of enlightened prosperity,

Brad Miller:

you say, but I want us to get to that connection, the process

Brad Miller:

there. And I believe one of those process part of their

Brad Miller:

processes, as I call it, the fuel of getting through

Brad Miller:

adversity, is relationships, and how relationships can help us to

Brad Miller:

start to bridge those gaps and to, you know, help us to find

Brad Miller:

our way. So tell us what about the power, our purpose of

Brad Miller:

loving, but also accountable relationships, and helping us to

Brad Miller:

process these because let's have our own accord, as you say, we

Brad Miller:

can go to all kinds of places remind could take us all kinds

Brad Miller:

of places,

Matthew Ferry:

I would say that generally the people in our life

Matthew Ferry:

are going to cause our mind to talk. And it's it's imperative,

Matthew Ferry:

if you have a commitment to being at peace, it's imperative

Matthew Ferry:

to assess the not only your own behavior, but the behavior of

Matthew Ferry:

the people in your life, and then your relationship to their

Matthew Ferry:

behavior. Because people can behave however they want. But if

Matthew Ferry:

you have an opinion about it, if you're declaring their way as

Matthew Ferry:

wrong, and my way is right, it'll cause you to create

Matthew Ferry:

conflict and strife, it'll cause you to have inner turmoil. And

Matthew Ferry:

and your mind will talk, finding those relationships where there

Matthew Ferry:

is a a mutual agreement to hold each other accountable, to

Matthew Ferry:

operate in an effective cohesive, loving, flexible

Matthew Ferry:

fashion. finding those relationships is so important

Matthew Ferry:

and will make such a big difference in my world, I

Matthew Ferry:

assemble those people and I specifically have designed my

Matthew Ferry:

business around giving people an opportunity to come together

Matthew Ferry:

with other like minded folks, people who are really committed

Matthew Ferry:

to being at peace, and also really committed to living an

Matthew Ferry:

amazing life. And that that's a, that's an interesting

Matthew Ferry:

combination of things. But I think relationships are are

Matthew Ferry:

fundamentally going to either disrupt you disturb you, which

Matthew Ferry:

will get your mind talking and create anxieties and whatnot, or

Matthew Ferry:

they will empower you. Typically they will, they're going to

Matthew Ferry:

empower you through confrontation, and

Matthew Ferry:

accountability to things that are really, really valuable in a

Matthew Ferry:

truly loving relationship. And if they're done well

Brad Miller:

and done lovingly, it makes all the difference in

Brad Miller:

the world. And also it could help us to confront or relate to

Brad Miller:

or perhaps to disengage from toxic relationships, or

Brad Miller:

relationships that take us to those bad places. And

Brad Miller:

fascinating stuff that

Matthew Ferry:

I'd like to say this little idea about that

Matthew Ferry:

though, is that typically we don't like in other people what

Matthew Ferry:

is unresolved in us and and we're never really ever dealing

Matthew Ferry:

with the other person. So while people absolutely behave in ways

Matthew Ferry:

that are degrading, that's indisputable. We get degraded by

Matthew Ferry:

our opinion about it, more than we are degraded by their

Matthew Ferry:

behavior. And so doing the inner work to assess your your own

Matthew Ferry:

relationship to being a victim, to holding grudges to being a

Matthew Ferry:

angry, hateful person, like doing your own inner work to

Matthew Ferry:

resolve those things actually broadens the possibility of the

Matthew Ferry:

people that you can't hang out with because you're you're no

Matthew Ferry:

longer resisting in them. What is actually in you. It's pretty

Brad Miller:

and doing your own inner work is where we take

Brad Miller:

personal responsibility for our mind and for our behavior and

Brad Miller:

for quieting the mind and being purposeful in that and you've

Brad Miller:

got lots of tools and lots of helpful things on your site in

Brad Miller:

your book, quiet mind. Let's talk just a little bit more

Brad Miller:

Matthew about some of these habits, disciplines, processes,

Brad Miller:

you mentioned your your app with the 23 lessons, tell us more

Brad Miller:

about what we can find on your website and your resources that

Brad Miller:

you have to offer that can help us gain some discipline. And

Brad Miller:

then maybe take it a step further, tell us about a person

Brad Miller:

or situation that is used what you have your teachings in busy,

Brad Miller:

been helpful to them.

Matthew Ferry:

Example of, of someone who had been in a pretty

Matthew Ferry:

adverse situation, he he and his wife were were separating. And

Matthew Ferry:

he got a piece of third party information that she was, had

Matthew Ferry:

been potentially cheating on him during that, during during their

Matthew Ferry:

marriage. And as they were going through their divorce process,

Matthew Ferry:

he was very committed to being at peace, being fair, being

Matthew Ferry:

logical, being reasonable, but this piece of information came

Matthew Ferry:

in and it triggered him into hostility. And instead, he

Matthew Ferry:

practiced total and complete acceptance of his acts, and

Matthew Ferry:

whoever this potential, you know, offender was, and he he

Matthew Ferry:

really stood, stood back and said, Okay, if I put myself in

Matthew Ferry:

her shoes, and I just try to understand it from her

Matthew Ferry:

perspective, then it helps me to realize that all she was trying

Matthew Ferry:

to do was to feel good, she was just trying to be happy. And it

Matthew Ferry:

was so clear that she was not happy in our relationship we're

Matthew Ferry:

getting, that's why we're getting divorced. And as he took

Matthew Ferry:

on that, that position of understanding, appreciation,

Matthew Ferry:

compassion, curiosity, instead of arrogance, righteousness,

Matthew Ferry:

attack, anger, as he addressed the situation using enlightened

Matthew Ferry:

perspectives, it enabled him to communicate with her in a

Matthew Ferry:

fashion that allowed them to steer their divorce process in a

Matthew Ferry:

way that ended well and and didn't end in hostility and

Matthew Ferry:

destruction.

Brad Miller:

And how rare is that to have a separation that

Brad Miller:

happens without hostility and destruction and airy? And that's

Brad Miller:

something that we can use here. So what are folks going to find

Brad Miller:

when they come to your website into your books? What are they

Brad Miller:

going to find that's going to be helpful to them that they can

Brad Miller:

apply to their life,

Matthew Ferry:

I think they're going to find tools that will

Matthew Ferry:

help their mind to go quiet so that they aren't stressed. And,

Matthew Ferry:

and feeling worry and doubt. And, and suddenly, they're going

Matthew Ferry:

to be opened up to the idea of being creative. And, and having

Matthew Ferry:

their resourcefulness and their empowerment and, and enthusiasm

Matthew Ferry:

naturally just emote out of them. And those tools that I

Matthew Ferry:

have is I have a great blog for people to dive in. And I you

Matthew Ferry:

know, I sort of share everything, I also have a

Matthew Ferry:

podcast that they can check out, which is the daily enlightenment

Matthew Ferry:

with Matthew ferry. And then I have a book quiet mind epic

Matthew Ferry:

life. And if they go to Amazon, they can buy my book or download

Matthew Ferry:

my book. But I also in my free app on on all the app stores, I

Matthew Ferry:

also give away the first six chapters of my book is my gift,

Matthew Ferry:

and take people through 23 processes that they can

Matthew Ferry:

implement now to get their minds to go quiet so they can start

Matthew Ferry:

living an epic life.

Brad Miller:

Lots of great tools here. And we certainly do live

Brad Miller:

in a time when lots of epic distractions and pressures are

Brad Miller:

in our world right now. And many people are finding themselves

Brad Miller:

kind of in a bad place or stuck and they need tools and

Brad Miller:

resources. And we thank you for what you provide here. And

Brad Miller:

you're and the result, hopefully, is what you call

Brad Miller:

enlightened prosperity. And I love that terminology. And also,

Brad Miller:

I love the fact you talk about breaking out the status quo

Brad Miller:

because so many of us find ourselves just stuck in that

Brad Miller:

status quo. So great resources we can find that Matthew

Brad Miller:

ferry.com Our guest today and we thank you very much is Matthew

Brad Miller:

ferry the author of quiet mind, epic life. Thanks for being our

Brad Miller:

guest today on beyond adversity with Dr. Brad Miller.

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